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What kind of women is step mom?

Stepmomwhy's picture

I’ve been with my partner for 2 and a half years. I meet his son on a couple occasions. At first it was a little awkward but now he reaches out to me to play and help him out when opening up something that’s to difficult for him without a problem. It’s actually pretty neat to see him starting to get comfortable around me. I am currently pregnant and will be due within the next couple months. Bio mom has never been interested in meeting me until this weekend. We took his 5 year old to the state fair with his parents and it was a great time. I let my partner spend time with his son like usual they went on rides together, won stuffed animals and all the usual carnival fun. The son kept asking me questions his baby brother on the way. I could tell he was extremely excited and said he wanted to meet him as soon as he got here. I told him that would be a great idea but we would have to make sure his mom was available when I was due to bring him by or for my partner to have him on that day. We went on with our day and everything seemed great. My partners parents went and dropped him off that day because my partner and I were going out of town. Hours later after drop of my partner gets a message that states we have to talk next time you get to visit your son. He asks if they could talk over the phone and she stated no I rather we talk in person. She then told his mom that I need to meet her immediately if I plan to be around her son because she needs to see what kind of women I am? I get she wants to know who is around her son but why now after all this time? Why is it immediately? She also stated that I am to be no where around her son until then. Therefor he cannot meet his little brother because I will be with the baby. The whole time at the fair I was with his parents and my partner so I was never left alone with him so I don’t personally see a problem unless I was left alone with him.   Any tips on meeting her? I am nervous to meet her because what happens if she decides she does not like me? 

bananaseedo's picture

"e then told his mom that I need to meet her immediately if I plan to be around her son because she needs to see what kind of women I am? I get she wants to know who is around her son but why now after all this time? Why is it immediately? She also stated that I am to be no where around her son until then. Therefor he cannot meet his little brother because I will be with the baby. The whole time at the fair I was with his parents and my partner so I was never left alone with him so I don’t personally see a problem unless I was left alone with him.   Any tips on meeting her? I am nervous to meet her because what happens if she decides she does not like me? "

No, she doesn't need to meet you, now, prior or ever.  She can't make those demands.  Your dh is a parent and has rights and can really have his son around anybody he wants and she can't interfere with that.  I would NOT meet her and go on w/your life and have your dh tell her to pound salt.  HOW he handles this will be a good indication of the rest of your marriage.  She can't make demands like this.  She trusted him to procreate with she can trust him to make decisions for who HIS SON meets as well. 

Sparkl3s's picture

Does your so get to vet everyone she brings around your ss? Your SO needs to set some ground rules that are going to be the foundation of your interactions with BM. Unless, it is in the divorce decree/visitation agreement she can’t enforce anything like that unless your SO opens that can of worms. 

I know some ppl can exchange small talk and fake pleasantries with BM but it wasn’t for me. I said hi to BM once and felt icky and fake, so I told my SO I just wasn’t going to engage in any relationship. She has been extremely rude and nasty to my SO when the wind blows a certain direction and I can’t trust my mouth. I don’t engage bc I don’t want to possibly create issues for my SO, they parallel parent just fine. 

You need to decide what kind of relationship you want to have and how you are going to allow her to insert herself into your new family unit with your SO. I’m just an example on how it’s possible to do pickups with the BM and never acknowledge her existence. 

Being pregnant I would take this time to be selfish and not cause yourself any unnecessary stress or worry. In all honesty she might be doing you a favor not allowing your ss to visit the hospital if your baby is going to be born in the winter. 

STaround's picture

If not, he needs one.  No, she cannot control your being near the SS, unless there is some crazy reason, like you dont believe in vaccinatins, and never had any. 

I would suggest you take your time. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Your SO's only response:

"There is no need for us to talk face to face or foe you to meet Stepmomwhy. I will pick up Son at the normal time."

BM will blow a gasket, but oh well. If she withholds SS, then your SO files a contempt charge against and calls the cops to see if they will help him pick up his son. Your SO needs to strike hard and fast against her if he has any chance of preventing her from being a controlling witch for the rest of your lives.

Also, in the future, don't tell SS things like "if your mom will let you". It makes BM the bad guy if she says "no" even if that isn't your intention. That's likely why she is being a pill now - because it wasn't your SO coming to her with a request, but having to hear from her son (who probably didn't relay the story the way it actually happened) that he wanted to do something that YOU said she should let him do.

Rags's picture

No, BM gets told to STFU, do what she is told when she is told to do it or suffer.  Your DH needs to man up and put BM in her place. She does not stipulate when he sees his child. The Court Order does that.  

You cannot tolerate BM injecting herself into your life, marriage and family.  DH's time with his child with BM is HIS time with HIS child.  BM has her time. Never the twain shall meet.

Congratulations on the baby and please keep your foot up DH's butt so he keeps his foot up BM's ass.

justmakingthebest's picture

The big question is does he have a custody order?

If yes, BM can shove it. She doesn't get to make demands. -- She could invite you for coffee one day and have a nice chat. However based on what you wrote I wouldn't be likely to even do that.

If the answer is no to the CO, your partner needs to get one established ASAP. Otherwise he will have to deal with BM's whims about her feelings towards you.