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What is the final result of spoiled, coddled, rude brats???

Janemakey13's picture

SS13 is the most disrespectful, entitled, lazy  SPOILED brat I've ever seen.

BM LIVES for SS13 does everything for him and makes excuses for his alful behavior. BM is very manipulating and controlling. She's got the school to make accommodations for SS like less HW and longer test taking time due to his ADHD(I call BS on this one). Gave SS a iPhone, iPad you name it she gets it for SS.  BM LOVES therapy and has had SS in it since he was 4 with DH. BM will complain NON stop to the therapist that poor SS has no friends, has no interest in sports or plays video games all day. BUT BM does nothing about this issues herself.  I think she complains NON stop because she's hoping either the therapist will do something or DH.

 

Now DH is no better. He's afraid to Discipline SS in fear SS will either not come over or run crying back to BM lying and DH will end up BACK in family court. Yes it's happened before. 
 

There is NO Chores at either house. 
 

So what we have is a total brat that does basically whatever he wants with little to no Consequences. Sleeps till he wants, eats whatever he wants and can have full blown temper tantrums with Swearing and hitting with no Consequences. 
 

So my question is I know SS will not "Launch" when other kids do but how do these type of kids turn out at 25,30 40???

MurphysLaw's picture

SS is 13. You need to make it ABSOLUTELY CLEAR to your husband that in NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM will his son EVER live in your home once he is 18. PERIOD. DOT.

If you even have the slightest inclination that your husband will go against this, then you need to start an exit plan NOW.

You have been warned.

JRI's picture

My SD58 wasn't quite as bad as your SS.  She was more the conniving, sneaky, lying mini-wife princess.  She was spoiled by Daaad (horse, new sports car at 16, new bedroom furniture on demand, etc).

Flash forward.  Now she is 58, unemployed, divorced twice, estranged from her kids unless they need something.  We subsidize her housing expense after her last stay with us where we were terrorized by her drug use, lying, theft and night creeping.  No one wants to interact with her due to the personality issues, she has caused trouble, borrowed money, lied and stolen from all family members and friends.  She has lost her looks but trolls the internet for guys, not to hook up with, but to get them to do things for her and buy her things.  They never last long.

Sadly., she never understood that her actions have consequences because, duh, they never did.

Merry's picture

SS is mid 30's. He self-medicated himself into addiction due, in large part, to lack of any real parenting by BM or DH. Lots of excuses from both of them. And DH was a classic enabler who refused to believe his perfect son could be a drug addict.

SS's addiction treatment turned him around. He went no-contact with his family for a time while he healed. Best decision he could have made. DH loves his son, but DH did not do the hard work of parenting. He "trusted" SS to make the right choices because DH knew him to be a "good person." He bailed out SS time after time because SS had truly "learned his lesson" this time. 

SS, surely with the help of an excellent counselor, figured out that he needed to learn how to live on his own as a grownup and not depend on his father or anyone for help, much less accept a bailout. To this day, DH asks SS if he can send him some money for an oil change or some small token. SS continues to refuse. I admire the hell out of SS, although I also remember the lying, cheating, stealing self-absorbed person he used to be. I think he apologized to DH as part of his recovery program, but not to me.

.So, one possible result of crap parenting is addiction. The skid has no skills to live in the real world so they escape it.

ITB2012's picture

But same beginning. BM was a black-ops ninja helicopter mom who believes parenting means smoothing every bump and making sure the kids are happy. DH is the head-in-the-sand coddling dad afraid to parent because they might be unhappy (with him).

Weirdly, at various ages when you'd expect a kid to be able to do stuff, they'd suddenly be expecting their kids to be able to do stuff and be frustrated the kids were behind (or socially awkward). It was like they'd carry the princes around but then at points just dump them straight into the deep end of the pool. No build up, no teaching. I personally wonder if that's why OSS has been holed up in his room all summer (according to others): he was away from that and then had to shelter in place with all that.

shamds's picture

Graduation is likely end of this year. He still lives at home, ignores his dad all day!! Lives rent free and contributes nothing to utilities... he is allowed to treat people like shit!!! Last year i told hubby he would not make me remain in such a toxic home environment.

so hubby used some of his savings (90% accumulated post divorce from exwife) to buy a home in my country which is a 5.5 hr flight away as i am currently finishing my uni studies (hopefully end of next yr), my daughter is in kindergarten and my son will be next yr.

i made it very clear to hubby since his kids are actively demanding hubby transfer his property solely into their names because bio mum said hubby owes her, that i would not remain in a marriage where he didn’t protect me and our 2 young kids. 

His kids with exwife are 24.5, 22 and 14.5... the 2 adults are failures to launch. I made it very clear i would not be put in a situation where me and my 2 young kids were kicked to the kerb and have to fight it out in court with the ex over the estate.

hubby doesn’t trust his 3 kids from exwife as they’re brainwashed by them and they have actively shown and said they want nothing to do with us and for hubby he expects them to have a protective eye out for their siblings and make sure they get the same privilege as them going to university and school etc and to level the playing field

so hubby bought a home and its solely in my name. Skids or exwife can’t touch it if hubby dies... unfortunately thats what had to happen for us for me to remain protected in this marriage as I wasn’t gonna deal with hubby handing off things to lazy arse skids and leave us dry!! Hubby says he’d never do that but he’s still guilted by skids and exwife.. so I don’t take chances!!! 

I make sure i and my kids are protected from toxic spawn and exwife

Kes's picture

My SD25 is a classic failure to launch, brought about by helicopter parenting and too much money and other things handed to her on a plate without any effort at all on her part.  For the past 12 months, DH has employed her in his one man small business, but this is coming to an end in August - it was only ever going to be for a year.  She lives with her mother and does one educational course after another.  

somethingwicked's picture

The result ?

They get bigger ,meaner ,smellier,more entitled and sometimes physically on top of emotionally abusive..

NotCinderellasmom's picture

And Dont forget somehow it is all the Steps fault

StepUltimate's picture

My SS20 has a full-time job & doesn't live at our house since getting kicked out at 18, three months after graduation, because SSthen18 failed to adhere to the agreed-upon Launch Plan that required SS must, in order to continue living here:

  • Graduate High School: Done
  • Get Drivers License & insurance: Not Done
  • Get Own Phone Account: Not Done (wouldn't even pay his bill on-time, either)
  • Enroll in Community College (CC) certification program: Not Done

I held my ground and forced DH to keep his word and kick SS out the week CC started with unlicensed, uninsured, no phone-account having SS18 not being enrolled. Our marriage is still struggling due to DH's MASSIVE resentment & triangulation (SS=Victim, DH=Hero/Rescuer, StepUltimate=Persecutor), but we're trying to work through it. My SS loves me, and knows that me having taken the hard-line forced him to do what it took to get driving & work hard. 

My future options are allll spelled out here on StepTalk. 

Jojo4124's picture

Narcs are created in 2 ways...

They are either severely abused as kids and are stunted emotionally, they have no ability time have empathy for others

 

Or...they are soooo spoiled and TRAINED BY A SICKO PARENT that the world revolves around them. They have no empathy either. Magically, they can manipulate ppl and steamroll them (having no empathy they feel zero remorse) and ppl adore them. Except the ones who have to live with them

Try to get a narcissist to clean a toilet. It is beneath them. But they expect others to clean toilets they use, for example. And ppl do!!! 

Parents who abuse by overindulgence are never seen as abusers...

enjoyyourdowngrade's picture

They become rude, spoiled entitled adults. Many of them struggle with addiction because they cannot accept reality. Many of them become abusive towards others.

CLove's picture

Her now is you looking into the future.

She currently drifts around aimlessly staying with her mother until the wind blows a new direction or someone gets tired of supporting her.

She currently has no drivers license, so according to SD14, her sort of disabled friend drives her around. She is currently in Idaho, and we are in California. Who knew she had those powers!

She currently has no job. Hasnt worked in over a year now, and has stolen checks from her mother Toxic Troll, and cashed them against a bank account with Dh's name attached so they almost put a hold on his account.

She uses people for money or things she wants. And apparently shes become quite good at manipulating.

24 years as a SM's picture

You will get a taste of what happens when the brat is older. Hopefully, your DH will start acting like a father instead of a mouse. If not, form a exit plan, because your life will become living hell.

Goneforsix's picture

My marriage is on the brink because of my stepdaughter...a spoilt, derranged, over-indulged brat who is 24 going on 12. I urge anyone reading this be so careful before getting entwined with step children. Don't do what I did and make the mistake of thinking adult step children don't cause problems.