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What do your skids call you?

BellaMia's picture

So... I'm in bit of a foul ass mood. I'm agitated and looking forward to a kid-free spring break next week. I got to thinking: I'm tired of these brats calling me by my first name. I don't want to be Ms. So-and-so, but I just feel like considering ALL the shit I do and the fact that they are children, it's just a bit too damn casual for my tastes...

Sorry for the rant, and I have no idea what else they could call me. Just typing/thinking out loud I suppose. Sad

BellaMia's picture

Well I know they will definitely call me "Bitch" if their mothers have anything to say about it... Heehee!

hismineandours's picture

I've answered this one before-"she" or "her"-is the most common.

If for some reason he feels compelled to use something other than that he usually goes with a shortened version of my name-which honestly I feel is offensive as well. He's known me since age 1-called me mommy for many, many years-its just in the last couple that he switched to my name. My dh calls me by the shortened nickname as do friends and family-however he is really not either of those. He does not wish to be my family or have anything to do with me-so I dont like to be referred to by my nickname.

He will still occassionally call me "mom" to my face-if he HAS to address me directly and in front of my dh since he gets "points" for calling me that. That feels false as well-as I know he does not think of me as his mom nor does he call me that on his own accord-but to please dh.

I also get called "your mom" alot. He will tell my children, "ask your mom if I can have a snack". I love it when my kids say, "Ask her yourself"

starfish1012's picture

my SS5 calls me by my first name

he had some confusion as to if i was his mom or not so i explained what kinds of things we do together and how i take care of him and then said that he can call me whatever he wants so he chose my name!

personally, i'm glad he didn't choose to put me in the same category as his BM...!

Halgsmom's picture

By my first name. SD wants to call me Mom but she knows her BM would flip out. SS is loyal to his Mom and would never even dream of calling me mom. But SS calls his Stepdad, "Dad" and I am "JUST his STEPmom." SD flips out on him every time he says that.

My son also calls my DH by his first name.

BellaMia's picture

I hear all of your points... I definitely don't want them to call me mom or anything like that. And I don't think "Ms. So-and-so" is right for me (they did call me that before DH and I got married though). But having children call me by first name is GRATING on my nerves in a way I never anticipated. I think it's because they are such disrespectful little buggers... So it makes me feel like a damn maid/nanny.

I even went so far as to bring it up to SS11 (DH was present). I said, "So I'm thinking about what, besides my first name, you and SS7 can call me..."

Do you know what this little angel said? "Ooh, I have an idea! How about... your first name!"

Why you little snarky, borderline-illiterate arsehole... Aren't we clever?

scotty's picture

I asked the lads to call me by my first name, as I want to be more like a mate than a step dad. They both call my DW's ex's new wife by her first name as well.

BellaMia's picture

That's a great way to look at it. I guess the difference is that in my case, I definitely do not feel we are at the mate stage... I take that back: At times we are, and then at other times they rebel and completely disrespect me. It makes it very hard to strike a balance.

lucy girl's picture

My ss6 calls me by my name as well and I'm fine with that as we are a family. What bothers me is that his friends call me that as well. I feel that any child other than my ss should have the respect to call me mrs. lastname. I guess I was just brought up differently than a lot of others and believe in teaching kids to respect adults. However, it does bother me that ss calls my parents by their first names, but I'm at a total loss there. My mom and dad want to be called grandma and grandpa but I think that is inappropriate, especially since two of ss's grandparents recently passed away. I wouldn't want ss to think we are trying to replace them.

somerg's picture

when they are in trouble it's mom or maam CAUSE THEY HATE THAT.

other than that, it's my first name...i don't want them calling me mom even if they wanted to..i'm not their mom, i'd do a much better job of raising them, their failure's are not the result of me

swstepmom's picture

My ss10 calls me by my first name but he likes to call me mom but only when my dh isn't around for some reason? Doesn't make any sense to me but I feel like when he's here I would rather him call me mom than hear my name casually come out of his mouth. Strange after all since I am usually upset with the whole damn situation but then I would rather be called "mom" by this kid??? Being a step parent really is the most confusing, heart breaking hardest situation I have ever been put in.

not yet a step mom's picture

She calls me the same nickname my FDH calls me "Ali", which i don't really mind. or she (FSD) will refer to me as "daddy's girlfriend" or "my future step mom".
she tried to call me "mom" once and... we both (her dad and my myself) called her out on it. I feel its disrespectful to her mother. if her mom was not alive or in the picture i would entertain the idea.

Growing up i called my step father by his first name primarily cuz i already had a father who was in my life. when my brothers were born (half brothers) i would refer to my stepfather as "dad" when talking to them, but still called my step dad his first name when speakign to him directly.
but my family was never very formal (like "ms. mr. sir" ) so.. first names was how i grew up. i call all my aunts and uncles by their first name.
to each his own i guess.

step_mom23's picture

My sd 10 calls me mom! She came to live with us when she was only 4 months old and her mother didnt visit but 2 or 3 times a year so when my bd started saying mom so did she. They are only 2 months apart so they learned everything together. My ss 11 called me mom for many years but in recent years that has changed. Their BM started showing up every other weekend and now to Him she's #1. That's ok with me. Now my ss13 never has called me mom only by my first name.

kerryann67's picture

Mine calls me Kerry which is the best i can hope for. He (12 year old boy) called me mom by accident once in a store, and then looked embarrassed. I just acted like I didn't hear him. If I made a big fuss about it, that would make us all feel silly.

Abalyn's picture

SD calls me by my first name. I won't allow her to call me anything else.

My kids call their SM "Moma" (like moe-mah). It stands for "my other mom (her first name)". I think it's cute.

iwishyouwould's picture

first name. if we're out he refers to me as 'my mom' to other people, mostly other kids. but to me its my first name. It really doesnt bug me, im only 16 years older than him (as is the bm). i had the you can call me whatever you want convo with him about a year ago after he asked me if he could call me mom/mama/mommy and after much thought, a very pointed "annnyyything?" and a fit of giggles, he decided that i should be 'barney the purple octopus'. that stuck for about a week and then it phased out, but he still does call me that ocasionally lol.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

They call me "Mama NJ" though for the youngest I would prefer just a simple "NJ". She has a mom that is part of her life and has shared custody. Her manners are disgusting. I don't want people thinking I've let one of my own children slip through the cracks. If she tells someone I'm her mom in public I always make sure and clearly indicate that I'm a step mom, and my children are the well behaved other 5 lined up next to the shopping cart not touching anything. You know, the ones with clean faces that eat with utensils instead of like cavemen.

mommy_of_4's picture

Well...LOL...depends. To my face they call me by name but behind my back, probably every nasty name in the book. But that makes me proud! At least I know I have done something right. If they hate me its because they don't like the fact that I won't tolerate their BS and I make them accountable for their actions, at least while in my house. I am NOT their friend and do not want to be addressed as such! But I don't think I have anything to worry about there, thats BM's title

skylarksms's picture

My skids call me by my first name. They have never attempted to call me mom. I'm sure their BM would have had a CONNIPTION if they would. They don't even refer to me as stepmom or my dad's wife.

My SD was so flustered once when we were together and someone was talking to her and pointed to me and asked, "And who is this?" I thought it was so strange that she didn't immediately say that I was her stepmom but she just kind of hemmed and hawed, looking all embarrassed, until I just took over and introduced myself.

mommy_of_4's picture

I have had people call me their mom and I am not sure who gets offended more, myself or them??

caregiver1127.2's picture

My SS the morning after we got married we were taking him back to his mothers and he asked me if he could call me Mom (now DH did not put him up to this but he did ask his dad if it was okay to ask me to call me mom and DH said yes you can ask but you need to go by the answer that Caregiver give you) - so I said yes and that is what he calls me. His mother knows he calls me mom and has already called me mom in front of her at the annual drop off - (probably to piss her off)

This past Summer when I decided to disengage he did not call me anything for 4 days he would just come in front of me and ask me something or talk to me -on the 5th day I was ready to tell him to call me by my first name and he called me mom - I did tell him he did not have to call me mom since he had one and if it made him uncomfortable I would understand - and he said "No I like calling you mom and don't want to call you by your name - so I guess after 6 1/2 of calling me mom (which at times with the disrespect he shows me I wish he didn't call me mom) is what he is use to.

somerg's picture

on a normal day, first name, or somesome. when they are in trouble and it was an offense against me, they are required to call me maam or Mrs. "last name" THEY HATE THAT

mommy_of_4's picture

I so wish my skids would not speak to me anymore. I would rather they ignore me then be all fake and pretend like they care what i think. I try to ignore them but apparently they just don't get it.