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what do you say?

dodgegal05's picture

What do you say when your friends/family members that know about what you go through with your step kids, in-laws, etc... ask why you stay with your significant other?

emotionaly beat up's picture

I have fumbled through that question also. My family doctor asked me directly a few months ago, and I had no answer, all I could say was, if you had asked me that question a couple of years ago I could have answered it no worries, but now I don't know, I ask myself the same question frequently.

Fortunately famly/friends havent' asked me directly they just seem to say, I don't know how you do it not WHY do you do it, so I haven't really had to answser them.

I used to love my husdband more than life itself, I don't now. Part of me wishes he would just go and live with his daughter, that way if he left it would be much easier, because he is so selfish, he wouldn't look back, but if I leave he will do everything within his power to make me feel guilty. I also have 3 biological grandchilden who think the world of him, it kills me to break their hearts because I know whether he goes or I send him packing, he will have nothing to do with these kids as his daughter will never allow it and he will do whatever she wants.

This for me will all come to ahead one day, and I think that day is not too far off. I banned his daughter from coming to my home, and I am making allowances for DH as I realise he is grieving here, but I think once Christmas is over and we begin the New Year if I see no signs of improvement in his attitude, then I will need to make my move. I have put up with this in my forties and fifties, I will turn 60 next August and have no wish to take this muck into my sixties.

Having this site helps though, because you can get a lot of venting out here and not necessarily tell family and friends all of the crap you are living with, which should probably stop some of the questions.

giveitago's picture

I love my MIL, if she hasn't heard from me in a while she tells me she thought I'd left them all! I tell her that I have faith, and let her know the small steps we are taking that make things better. MIL ripped SS a new a$$ recently, he had the audacity to ask for his baby bonds...anything to get 'his truck' that he yearned so hard for and every cent counts when you are 17!? He owes us a lot of money and has made no endeavor to pay any of it.
So far he's bummed a considerable amount from DH, I put my foot down. This kid gets a subsistence for being in school, his tuition is paid for and he tells us he has a job too...last night he called to see if DH could give him 20 bucks to go eat with friends? DH said a resounding NO.
He would have had his subsistence check at the beginning of the month...where's it gone? I do not expect an 18 year old to account to me for every cent but when I know the amount he has then I know that he would not run out of funds this quickly. He says he's at work every day, stated the hours, then when DH said 'ohh good, I can pop in to see you and maybe have lunch' the story changed. DH said Ohhh well, never mind, maybe you can come visit with us after work one day then...excuse was he is too dirty and just wants to go take a hot shower...but can you give me 20 bucks? I think NOT! This kid is so full of bullshit, blatantly too! I think he actually believes his own self?! His twin sister is the same...worse in fact because she's violent. She's currently in a secure juvenile facility and does not want to come home...she wants to make it on her own too. Actually the state will help her transition from secure care to assisted living and maybe independant living. The state will be heavily involved because she will be on probation for another year and a half if she gets out of the secure unit in January. Meanwhile...the house is more peaceful to live in without the twins, who are each tarred with the same brush as their mother! I hate to say it but they are sociopaths! It breaks our hearts to see what's going on but now they are of age it's really up to them.
We have our own lives to live and enjoy too.
They need to grow out of this crap. So far I have seen SD doing some introspection, she's getting intensive therapy where she is. She tells me that she now knows why I chastized her and agrees with me. Sugar instead of vinegar? LOL please forgive me if I question their motives.
They will make good at some point, I refuse to allow older SD to move out though...LOL he cooks! SS's friend is just 19 so he still has a bit of 'attitude' but that's quikly dispensed with as he realizes his position here...not in school and has no job so guess what buddy!