You are here

What to do about Easter?

mom23ms's picture

Rewind...SO's oldest daughter had a temper tantrum. She wished him dead, said she hated him, she wanted nothing to do with him ever again, and if he died it would be the best thing (side note: he is having some major health issues.) So, SO said "fine" and as a matter of fact he is wiping her savings account and making her pay for her own braces. And since SO is the only one who can access her savings, after the bill for the Orthodontist is paid, there is like a hundred dollars are so left. So he is just going to give it to BM and tell her to either give it to her or she (meaning BM) can open her up account.

So, since I have BKs of my own of course I make sure during Christmas and Easter baskets and stockings are stuffed and etc. SO has 2 other daughters (the middle one is going back and forth...she wants nothing to do with her father when he punishes or enforces punishment) so she hasn't seen him in about a month except once when he picked her up from school and she had an attitude and told him off. I swear these kids only want something when a holiday or their birthday is approaching (or of course when they need money.)

The last time SO heard from the older girls they said they didn't want anything to do with them. So SO asked BM if he could pick up the youngest and take her clothes shopping. BM said "SD #1 doesn't want to see you still but you can't leave SD #2 out." Now, SD #1 and #2 don't want anything to do with him.

So, I guess my question is....I am all for doing something for his youngest. She is completely innocent in all of this and isn't the problem. Do I do something for the older two for Easter? I did something for all three for VDay but since then there was yet another blow out. Also...Why doesn't BM enforce SD#1 to see SO but says "he HAS to do for SD #2." Both those girls are very foul mouthed and has cursed him more times I can count.

Is it wrong to do just for the ONE daughter and not the other two?

Eyes Wide Open's picture

Tough call....SD pissed me off way way way before SS did. So, SS had awesome Christmas, birthday, and other holiday presents. SD felt she was on the gravy train living by BM and getting everything she ever wanted from BM and the taxpayers, so I stopped doing anything for her. She noticed and made mention of it, but never changed her ways. I suggest looking at it this way: whether you do or do NOT make Easter baskets for the older two SD's, will it make a difference in the long run? Will they just dig into them and continue to treat you and SO like crap either way? Why put forth the effort if it's not appreciated? I mean, if you REALLY feel the need to do up the extra baskets, make some nice ones and donate them to a local shelter. Those kids would appreciate them!

caregiver1127.2's picture

If I had a OSD and she told my DH that she wished he would die - she would get nothing from me ever ever ever again - if I had ever talked about my father the way some of these girls talk to their dad's my mother would have kicked my A**!!! So for the OSD nothing - the MSD - here again mouthing off to her father - she gets nothing - maybe if you all stop giving them money and things that they don't really appreciate then maybe they will need to grow up and realize that you have to respect people to get anything from them -

The youngest SD should get an Easter basket and tough titties for the other two - nothing wrong with that - she is innocent so she should get the same as you bios!!! So no not wrong to get just for the youngest - we all bitch how our Skids hate our DH's and are disrespectful and then we post questions should we reward them for their nasty behavior and that answer is a BIG FAT NO - if they cannot respect us and our DH's then they get nothing - to give them something is truly setting them up for failure in the real world - if any of these kids go up to their bosses and say "I wish you were dead - I hate you" do you think the boss is going to reward them and say "hey let me take you out to lunch or give you an extra vacation day for that nasty attitude" No the boss is going to say "YOUR FIRED" and these little sh*ts are going to be like wait when I sh*t on my dad he would just give me more things and the boss is going to be like well when you sh*t on people in the real world you are going to be broke and homeless so grow up!!

So see by not giving them a basket for Easter you are helping them keep their jobs sometime in the future so they don't have to come back and live with you when they are adult skids - because I hear that is a H*ll like no other!!!

Look at it this way if you told your father you hate him and you wish he was dead and he had health issues what would your mother do to you and would she give you a Easter basket - now you do likewise - I mean really he has health issues and she is saying this!!

caregiver1127.2's picture

mom23ms - okay I have been reading your blogs and you are not even with your SO anymore so why would you get his kids anything - if you do things like this this will confuse the children - are you back with him or are you two still apart - I am so confused right now?!?!?!?!!

If you are not with him - don't get the youngest anything and you need to move on and stop worrying about what happens with his kids - now if you are with him then read the post above!!

mom23ms's picture

OMGosh I know it's real confusing. I moved out because his children were driving me to the brink of insanity. I broke it off with him but remained really good friends since I've known him forever. We are not "boyfriend and girlfriend" but recently he has had some really serious health problems so I've been helping him (not with the kids since they refuse to come over and visit but with odds and ends with the house and stuff. Anything I do, HE PAYS! I refuse to sink a penny of mine into his home or doing for his kids.)

I said I would help with baskets (like putting them together but he needs to either give me to the money to purchase what goes in it or go with me.) A topic came up of what he was going to do for Easter and who he was going to do what for. He is actually the one more torn to what to do. Had it been just one of the oldests temper tantrums I would have bought the stuff or gift and just given it to her. But since wishing death on her father I find it hard to do anything for her (even though I'm not shelling out the money.)

After thinking about it I say "tough crap" to the older two. Especially since they won't come over anyway. Kind of like Valentine's Day stuff....they wouldn't come over to get it, but they sure as heck took it since he bought over to BMs house.

I have BKs and I swear if any of them wish death on me, they would have no teeth left.

I guess this is me pretty much asking what "HE" should do. I vote save his money....

caregiver1127.2's picture

Theres your answer!! Is this healthy for you what you are doing with him - I know you want to help him but it is good for you and your children - I believe you said your oldest daughter really misses him - is this confusing her? Because although he is doing poor in health it quite frankly is not your problem anymore and if you were not around someone else would help him or he would hire someone - I think in your case you need to make a clean break for your kids sake!

mom23ms's picture

You know, I gave it some thought and you ladies are absolutely right! I need to keep the saying "not my children not my problem" attitude. I only and should only worry about my kids having a good Easter. I do appreciate the advice and I guess it's time to have a nice chat with "him." I appreciate the "wake up call" because sometimes I get side tracked and forget what is most important.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

I agree with caregiver. Sounds like nothing has changed. You either need to get back together officially or completely break it off. This is not breaking it off. There are too many mixed messages. You've known him forever? Well, that's the risk you take when you decide to date a friend. The risk being that a breakup will affect the friendship. In orde to have a clean break you need to remember that none of this is your problem anymore. You don't need to worry about him or his kids anymore. You don't need to be getting advice for him. You definately don't need to be fixing his kids baskets. You are still doing all the work and better for him- you aren't 'committed'!

Auteur's picture

I vote for clean break!! These guilty daddies are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not worth it!!