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What is with all of these lovey dovey new SM's on here? I give them 6 months before their posts tell a different story!

hippiegirl's picture

I have seen some of these newbies judge some of us for our comments. "Oh you should love your skids, blah blah blah". Like I said, 6 months. Tops. Any takers?

SMof2Girls's picture

I've been a stepmom for over 2 years and I still love my skids very much.

*shrugs*

It's not really cool to judge people on either end of the spectrum in a support forum. We're all here for different reasons.

JillianT82's picture

I agree completely!

I've been a Stepmom for a total of 6 years. No matter what has happened or how I have been treated, I still love my Skids and care about them. Even after all the BS I've beeen through and the constant mistreatment, I still try my damnest to be the best SM I can.

Anon2009's picture

Agreed. Things didn't start off too good but I really care about those kids. Bm is the one I don't care for.

herewegoagain's picture

lol I couldn't agree more! haha Every single one of us came into this nightmare with great intentions. Nobody signs up to be miserable. Sadly, they will learn...and then we can just smile. Smile

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Not me! This is actually my second time being a stepparent (yeah yeah, I know!) and my rose-colored glasses were GONE! I knew from my first disastrous rodeo what to look for and knew exactly what I didn't want. The first time though, yeah, I was more than a bit idealistic. It like we always say on here- you have NO idea what you're getting into until you're in the middle of it!

twopines's picture

I'll never understand why a person "should" love skids, or anyone else for that matter. Ridiculous.

smithsgirl's picture

Yep, I was exactly the same. 2 years on and I know we'll never have any kind of bond. They're decent kids who respect me but they just see me as "dads girlfriend", which I prefer.

stormabruin's picture

While your point is valid, keep in mind this is a worldwide forum. Just as there will be people who can relate to you, there will be just as many who cannot.

Apparently, OP cannot.

stormabruin's picture

I get what you're saying. I don't agree with the way it's presented either. I was just saying it's one of those things to take it as anything else on the internet...with a grain of salt.

Totalybogus's picture

Best advice Storm. Take what you need. Leave what you don't. Every board I've ever been to has a "Regular" squad chasing out the "newbees." Blum 3

BSgoinon's picture

I don't judge what people say on here, and can completely understand why some can't stand their stepkids. Some stepkids seriously SUCK. But I have been a stepmom for 8 years, and I simply adore my SS. He is a great kid and I love him.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

What I don't understand is why step-parents who are happy with their skids and situation are here. This is a site for step parents to "vent". VEnting means letting out pent up feelings - usually negative. If you are so happy with your skids, why are you here? Just asking.

I looked for a stepparent venting site when I had problems, not when things were going fine.

SMof2Girls's picture

In my situation, my issue is not with my skids or with my DH. It's with BM and the custody battle we're dealing with. It's dealing with the PAS attempts and the constant battle to maintain a strong, positive relationship with them. If we could get skids full time, I would be more than happy with that.

stormabruin's picture

It isn't always the kids that make step-situations difficult to deal with. I am happy in my marriage & I love my husband's kids. Most of my issues are with BM, & we really don't have a lot of dealings with her anymore, but I don't feel like because most of my life is happy that I don't have a place here if I want it. I don't think that misery is a requirement for membership.

I also came across ST when I had problems. I've worked through a lot of them, but I don't think that means I don't belong here.

I don't mean to direct this at you alone. A lot of members present the same argument. We all have our reasons for being here.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Because even in the happiest situations there are times when you need to blow off steam at a certain situation. I found this site a few years ago and yes, when things are going well, I disappear for a little while, but every once in a while a skid will pull a fast one and instead of beating my DH to death over it, I come here and tell you guys. It has saved my marriage that's for sure!

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

To all who answered why you were here if you are happy with Skids. Thanks. Makes sense - I guess I never thought of it that way. If issues arise with BM or extended family related to steps then this is a good resource for that as well.

I feel so miserable some days that I don't really want to read about rainbow and unicorn step families.

I truly believe that most of the problem lies with the bio parent though, ie DH. SD would have no power without his backing, so facing that is pretty hard some days. DH needs a serious attitude adjustment but don't think it is possible after so many years.

BSgoinon's picture

I come here to vent about BM. She is my issue. Not SS. Being a step parent means more than just dealing with the kids.

fedup13's picture

I am one of the new SM's here and I am definitely not lovey dovey. I cannot stand skid and typing "my ss is ruining my marriage" into Google is what brought me here. This is a vent site. I would not be here if I didn't need an outlet and receptive supportive people to talk to.

fedup13's picture

Same here. I had a bad experience at another site like café mom, same story, horrible women on there, I couldn't get off there fast enough and never went back. I gave up for a while on finding an outlet, and then on a really bad day I googled it, and this was the first thing to show up. I LOVE it, and I don't care that others think I am wrong for feeling like I do either. If they lived my life they would feel the SAME way. They never will be me though, so I don't bother explaining myself.

Mylilmonsters's picture

I'm new, and I also came for help in dealing with the things that come along with skids. Not necessarily my skids. I love them to pieces. Even thought they trash EVERYTHING!!! Lol ok, I'm ok.
It has been such a releife to meet other women who's DHs turn into Disney dads. That shit has been making me bloody insane for years.
Sometimes I read a post and its like I could have written it myself. Very comforting:)
But I still don't get why I don't see people complaining more about their MILs. If you don't have bios, the relationship with your mil can be pretty stressful. I used to feel like the babysitter when we were all together. I'll write about it sometime in another post. Pretty funny shit.
Anyway, I'm loving this site!

fedup13's picture

I have responded to posts and talked about my MIL a bunch. She is just as big of a problem in my life as skid, BM, and DH are.

stressed-mom's picture

I attempted to post about my MIL. I absolutely can not stand the women. Which is a shame, seeing as how I worked with her for years and she introduced me to DH. Guess her true colors really began to show through. The only responses I ever got was disengage, disengage, disengage. Its hard. She is always there and she never goes away. It doesn't matter how many times me or DH completely flip out at her. It almost like it goes in one ear and out the other. She won't leave me alone! Uggh!
Needless to say, I don't post about MIL too much, because its definitely a situation I feel completely alone in.

Ashleystepmom's picture

One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made my entire life is marrying a man with kid. If I knew what I know now, I would've never done it.

I would not give them six month, I will give them six weeks.

stormabruin's picture

If you believe that a SM being able to love her stepkids means things are perfect, you are seeing only a tiny piece of what steplife entails. People who hate their stepkids aren't the only ones dealing with issues.

IMO, many of the people who blame their miserable lives on kids are simply unwilling to look at the real issues.

Stepkid issues aren't worse than BM issues or DH issues. They're just different. Perhaps that's not something you can see, but BM issues, MIL issues, DH issues can be equally hurtful & destructive in a stepfamily.

I don't believe anyone here claims to have it all perfect.

SMof2Girls's picture

I do love my skids. There are many other issues surrounding stepparents and blended families. My #1 issue is BM.

silver ring's picture

In my situation, I feel affection toward my step-son.BM is not in the picture that much and the child lives with us every day. He visits with her whenever it is convenient for her and she wants to play the "moomy role". The child is with me most of the time because my husband works.So I am responsible for him. When I get upset with him, I try tothink that it is not his fault and don't hate him. But I do get mad if BM tries to act stupid( she does that beacuse she does not have any control over the situation anymore). Things are not always pink, but they are manageble.

It is hard raising kids.

stressed-mom's picture

I'm pretty sure we have the same MIL. We could be long lost Sister In Laws. Ha.

Fake nice..ha.. my MIL invented fake nice. The passive aggressive bitch!

MIL is always around. She never leaves me alone. She thinks she is King Tut of MY house and I literally want to stab my eyes out every time I hear her car in the drive way! DH completely sides with me and 100% will put her in her place.. when he is home. Its got to the point where she will only say/do ignorant things when he is not around. If he is home she keeps her mouth shut. The minute he is gone all hell breaks loose.

I work 40 hours a week, I go to school full-time, I volunteer for cheerleading for SD8's squad. I do all homework and school activities with kids. I shuttle back and forth to every practice, game, friends house, bday party, and whatever else their little hearts desire. I cook and clean everything! MIL constantly tells me I don't do enough. She told SD8 the reason she has chores is because I'm too lazy to do myself. She has called my BS8 retarded, (whom is in 3rd grade and reading and writing at a 5th grade level, while SD8, in 3rd grade, is doing so at 1st grade). She constantly undermines me when it comes to anything to with SD8 and SD4. God forbid I tell them to do anything. She is divorced from FIL and absolutely hates the fact that her kids and myself have a truly wonderful relationship with him. They have been divorced for over 20 years and still can't let it go. She is completely dependent upon everybody for everything and couldn't live a day on her own. She sucks everybody dry of everything they have whether it be money, pride, or happiness.

I truly hate this women and I wish she would just get sucked in to some black hole. Nobody would miss her!

proudstepmommy's picture

Ok so from what I've gathered is that this is not a forum where step moms can vent AND ask for advice?!?!

I love my SD dearly (and she loves me too). I signed up for this site to seek out advice from other step moms on a number of topics.

proudstepmommy's picture

BTW my DH and I have been together for almost 4 years... And it's been nothing but smooth sailing with my SD the whole time.

proudstepmommy's picture

BTW my DH and I have been together for almost 4 years... And it's been nothing but smooth sailing with my SD the whole time.

proudstepmommy's picture

BTW my DH and I have been together for almost 4 years... And it's been nothing but smooth sailing with my SD the whole time.

hippiegirl's picture

Because, in order to come across this site, you have to type in something like "i cant stand my husband's kids" or something of the like. I was just curious why you would have to come to a venting site if your life as a step parent is good? Question was not intended to make people feel unwelcome. Apologies if I came across that way.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

I came here to offer a different point of view. I wasted too much time in my younger years getting hyper over BM antics and step-kid issues. You can never get the time back nor can you unsay things said in frustration or anger. I am here to say "it isn't worth it" or "there are bigger things in life to deal with". Hence my "keep calm and carry on" tag line.

Megan Wilson's picture

Dirol I liked my step daughter for the last couple of years.....then she moved in. I think SM who have "visits" with skids and full time SM are two different stories....