You are here

What age should kids become more Dependent

StepmomNJ's picture

Those of you who live in a area with other kids(Neighborhood development) and have middle school age kids do they go out and play with other kids??? The twins with play(or fight) with each other but if one comes over alone or if one is sick the other one is clueless on Entertaining themselves.  They love tv/movies but refuse to watch alone...EVER. Will your kid watch tv/movie without you sitting watching with them?? The lone kid will follow daddy around asking “now what” meaning now what are we going to play. 


I remember when when I was in middle school I would be gone most of the day hanging out with friends in the summer. Not step kids they want to hang around daddy all day. I would Prefer to watch a movie or TV by myself in my room when I was that age. Not stepkids. They all got TVs for Christmas for their rooms and have not watched it once. 

I understand times have changed and you can’t let your kids run so free as you did as a kid for safety. That being said do kids not hang out with friends anymore? Do kids not hang out in their rooms and play? The only time Stepkids are in their room is to sleep

tog redux's picture

Kids don't hang out in the neighborhood much anymore, unless they are lucky enough to have a same-age kid next door. Otherwise, they (their parents) set up "playdates" or they participate in organized sports, and that is how they socialize. 

My SS would spend time on his own, gaming, and when he lost that privilege, watching TV. He generally wasn't up our asses to entertain him.  But DH would have put him in his place if he did do that. 

And it's not really about safety, it's about the perception of safety. Crimes against kids are no worse than they have ever been, it's just that every one of them is on the national news 24/7.

StepmomNJ's picture

When kids are little but still for middle school age kids??? What age typically do kids set up Their own “play dates” and just get the ok from mom or sad? Step kids never did any organized sports. They go to sport type camps during the summer but no Friendships developed from any of those. As far as joining a sports team pop warner/Little league/Soccer league none of the step kids had any real interest. Honestly since they are so spoiled and bratty I don’t see it working out or more than a couple of times.

tog redux's picture

Yes, when they are middle school, they might call a friend and invite them over if they have initiative, but you might have to tell them. 

The problem here is that your DH doesn't push them to do anything with friends. 

MrsStepMom's picture

Mine is 16 and doesn’t do crap. His dad said “when I grew up kids didn’t go do stuff with their friends until they could drive”. No one i know was that way. I was always at s friends or a friend at my house. He finally asked for a friend to come over yesterday but asked at the last second, with the friend waiting outside, while we were cleaning the house and he hadn’t done a single chore yet which he has to have done by dinner Sunday nights and it was already after 3pm. He mostly entertains himself until he hears me leave the room then blobs on to dad until I come back in the room. Can’t say it bothers me that he avoids me. Ditto kid. Ditto. But he is the weird kid and I think kind of a complete dick to people who aren't even me. I really don't think people like him for numerous reasons: he often smells, he wears the same thing every single day, he is rude, he is a dick to people, he thinks the jocks "think they are so cool" and does drama. Ya cause they are cool idiot.

sunshinex's picture

My SD is 7 and has been fine watching movies/cartoons or playing in her room since the age of 3 or 4. My son is 17-months and will play on his own for about 30 minutes at most typically but some nights he'll play for 2 hours just wondering around the living room with his toys before coming back to get attention. My son has been raised with very responsive parenting and has never been sleep trained or "left to fuss" and I do think this makes him quite a bit more independent than a lot of toddlers. He knows if he actually needs me, I'll be there - but he's confident enough to enjoy his own time. 

ITB2012's picture

...if their parents let/make them.

DS was out with his buddies in the neighborhood in late elementary school. By middle school he and his friends were organizing their own events (and had to be told to ask if it was okay, not just assume the parents had nothing better to do than wait to drive them around).

The skids did not organize their own friend get-togethers until HS (OSS) and late middle school (YSS). BM and DH always organized their play dates, never let them have any independence so they didn't learn, and rarely ever did anything without a parent present. They didn't know how to entertain themselves or create entertainment.

But they did hang out in their rooms and do their own thing.

Regarding movies: to this day DH won't watch a movie alone unless he is alone. I'm pretty sure all the kids are fine watching movies alone.

Rags's picture

Purge video games from your home and the kids will hang out elsewhere.  Probably not outside as outside is now some evil dangerous place.


Jcksjj's picture

I dont see kids playing outside much anymore, like PP have said. Which sucks because my ODS is dying for other kids to play with and hes stuck with SD most of the time. My friend that was living in apartment said all the teens hung out together in the hallways being rude and obnoxious though, so I guess that's a thing. 

I kind of thing alot of it goes back to the spoiled helicopter parenting thing though. Both of my kids are great at independent play (seriously the one year old plays by himself longer than she does) and SD is either on her tablet or begging to be told how great she is by the adults. My observation when shes been around other kids is that she doesnt make any actual friendships because that would require give and take and showing interest in others. why would she prefer that to the one sided relationship with an adult?