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What age do Kurds usually stop crying over minor bumps and scrapes

stepmominhiding's picture

Sd14 is really diving me up the wall with her crying over everything.  She cries when she falls into her chair from 6 inches up. She cries when she bumps her elbow on the table. She cries when she stubs her toe. She cries when she bumps her head on a cabinet door.  

Im not talking about a few tears. She makes a huge scene and tears conne gushing out.  She carries on for about 30 minutes this way. She reminds me of my 3yo nephew when he falls down hard with blood pouring down his knees and elbows. When she hurts herself to where there was blood, she'll scream as if she had her bones protruding from her skin. I've never met anyone who acted this way.  My own daughters haven't cried when getting hurt at least since they were 5 or 6 so I don't really know if I just have really tough girls and am judging unfairly.  

When sd carries on the way she does, i just tell her "it's ok sd, people get hurt sometimes, you'll be fine. I promise." I don't want to seem im judging her, or that I'm being insensitive to her.  But inside it just really makes me sick. DH just ignores the crying, he doesn't say anything anymore.  He used to freak out, running to grab ice packs and our first aid kit. But I think he sees how my dds respond to pain compared to sd, and now realizes sd is over reacting. 

GrabitAndGo's picture

Tell her if she's going to have a crying, hysterical meltdown she needs to do it in her room or outside so she doesn't bother anyone else.  

Personally, I'd be telling her to cut the theatrics and shut up, but I'm a b!tch that way.

stepmominhiding's picture

Trust me, I want to tell her the same thing, I'm more of a person that thinks before speaking and I can see how that will play out if I do. 

I will probably tell her to take it to her room and come out when she's ready.  I just feel like DH should be taking the lead on it.  

MurphysLaw's picture

How long has your DH been ignoring the crying jags?

If he had always rushed to her aid, up until just recently, she’ll most likely keep up the act until he finally tells her to knock it off.

She sounds exhausting to be around …

sorry for your troubles.

stepmominhiding's picture

He has been ignoring it for a very long time.  More than just a couple years. She's very exhausting to be around.  I really try to stay out of it. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Could there medically be something wrong with her or is this just her way of trying to get attention?

She's probably looking for a certain kind of response to which she isn't getting. H should have a talk with her and ask why she's so "extra" when she gets a scrape or bruise. Other than that if she's phsyically fine I'd ignore her, either walk away or send her to the room.

stepmominhiding's picture

Supposedly (very highly unlikely) she had spina bifida. This is something that SD just stated saying that BM told her.  Sd has only evet had an xray of her wrist. And when BM was pregnant DH went to EVERY dr appointment with her.  DH gets EVERY dr receipt that includes visit summary.  He's never heard of sd having spina bifida.

Other than this mysterious spina bifida, she has nothing else. 

Aniki's picture

Why doesn't he take SD to the doctor for a physical, explaining to the doctor that she has extreme reactions to minor injuries and to check for spina bifida?

stepmominhiding's picture

DH doesn't see why he should do that.  He doesn't want to challenge BM, he knows sd doesn't have it. He just wants to drop it and not care. 

Doublehelix's picture

SD's mom thought she had allergies. Dad thought she was crazy and didn't want to deal with it, but similarly, couldn't challenge mom bc it's not like either of them had MDs. I told him if mom so passionately believed that SD had allergies and truly worried about her daughter, she was free to take her herself - it would be silly to wait for him to do it. So she did, and she doesn't have allergies.

I'm with your DH on this one, and it really just sounds like someone has to tell your SD to knock it off. At the most, you guys can ask what's wrong/why she's crying, but at 14, unless her arm is falling off, she can tend to her own injuries and you just point her to where the supplies are. This is assuming that will appease her and she's not actually asking for something else. Sometimes SD7 will want a bandaid for something suuuper minor, so hey, if you want one, go knock yourself out and get one, but we're not gonna go thru the whole charade of cleaning and caring for your "wound."

tog redux's picture

This can be a sign of depression, seriously. There is just nothing left in them to cope with minor stresses. Please have her at least evaluated by her doctor or school counselor. 

stepmominhiding's picture

BM has her on some wait list with some psychiatrist that BM's mom went to.  Supposedly she is really good.... I'm sorry but that is so stupid!  We live in a nig city that has so so so much psychological help readily available. I think BM is completely moronic! 

tog redux's picture

A good school counselor or pediatrician can at least screen her for depression. Don't wait for the psychiatrist, most pediatricians here screen for it routinely. 

GrabitAndGo's picture

Tog, I don't doubt your advice to get the girl screened for depression is valid given your professional background.  I'm a cynic, though, and think she's doing all this overreacting to get attention.  I have the feeling if she gets sent to her room a couple of times to weep and wail in private, these meltdowns will diminish considerably.  

still learning's picture

Why can't DH take SD to an appointment himself and have her completely checked out?  If there is something physical then it can be addressed, if it truly is a cry for attention then it can be dealt with through behavioral therapy. 

stepmominhiding's picture

DH only gets her eowe. He can't just pick her up from BM's and take her to appointments. 

Rags's picture

Do not tolerate this crap.  If she does it, call her on it, tell her to grow the F up, and to go to her room to act like a baby.

I understand pain.  Everyone does.  What I do not understand is this kind of attention seeking bullshit. Particularly from a 14yo.

Grrrrrr.