Weighing the options
I haven't been here in a while, but I need to return to the only place where I feel that I can be honest without being judged. So last week as I was home sick from work, CPS knocked on the door. I assumed BM had called as a way to get to my SO, (the SD has been telling BM how unhappy and miserable she is b/c SO has been taking a more active role in parenting and handing out consequences for asshole decisions on SD behalf). Long story short, SD decided to go to the guidance counselor's office and tell them that she was afraid to live with her father. The man has never and doesn't believe in laying a hand on the little brat, she simply decided she doesn't want to follow the rules anymore. She screamed at her father that she isn't going to put up with him anymore and that she hates him. He was devastated, initially. Now, a week later, I have a CPS investigation into my own self (I don't have any children) and my SO and his rotten daughter are walking around as if nothing happened. I am enraged. He feels that she knows what she did was wrong, yet she has had no consequences what-so-ever. I can't believe it! I don't want to make decisions out of emotion, but I don't know how to recover from this. There whole family feels bad for her, and just says that she really needs help (she's mentally f'ed, BM is a diagnosed bi-polar, paranoid schitzophrenic, and a chronic long-term drug addict) which I didn't know until AFTER I moved in with them. Yet, nothing has been done to get her any "help"! She needs to go to an in-patient facility for pediatric psychotics but that will never happen. This kid never had a chance at life, and I'm hanging around to witness the inevitable. For what? I love her father deeply, but is it worth it? Now, for the rest of my life I have a CPS file with my name on it. We aren't even married, it's simply because I live at the same address as the kid at the time of the complaint. Total BS. I wasn't mentioned in the report or anything, but I will forever until the day I die have this file with my name on it. And SO is angry with me for telling him I can't be around her right now. WTF? Am I the idiot here? I am researching other options as far as living conditions go, but am trying to just lay low in the meantime. We (he and I) have been seeing a counselor for parenting tips for him and for coping strategies for me. Things were going really well up until last week when the shit hit the fan. Too well, I guess, he was doing so good the little asshole tried to take the upper hand and it worked, now SO is afraid of his 12 year old. I'm left trying to hold it together, until I can figure out what to do. I feel like I'm going insane in this house. Not sure what I'm hoping for here... I guess just venting and maybe some thoughts.
I can relate. My SD15's BM
I can relate. My SD15's BM is mentally ill and addicted to prescription drugs. She had her kids taken away and her parental rights terminated, so she don't have to deal her but my DH and I are stuck cleaning up the mess she created.
I have no ability to take care for a mentally disturbed child. Maybe there are saints out there that can, but I've accepted that isn't me and my priority is my son.
This girl's behavior is going to keep escalating and who knows what she will do next or accuse you of. Either find some facility that can deal with her or another relative that can. My SD is currently living with her aunt and uncle. I gave my DH an ultimatum that he either get his daughter under control or she is no longer permitted to live in my home.
My SKIDS did the same thing
My SKIDS did the same thing to us as well. My then 13 yr old SS ran to his BM and said that DH tried to kill him, and that I didn't "stop" it. Can you believe THAT !!?? My husband is 6ft 3" and 240lbs, if he tried to kill the little bastard, he would've been dead. What a joke! It was simply a plot by him his brother and his mother to ruin our lives, and guess what? It works.. Not married?? Head for the hills. its only gonna get worse, ive been in this 15 years now, I have 5 biological kids, 3 grown, and 3yr. old twins. and it scares the shit out of me that this file exists. What if i had to bring one of the twins to the hospital and an over-zealous social worker decides to pull some shit?? I hate my SKIDS, and what my DH has let them get away with. Nothings changed, they just gotten older, so the problems have just gotten bigger. Sorry I don't have encouraging news. If you can, get the HELL OUT , while you still can!!
It's easier for him to
It's easier for him to forgive her, it's his kid. When your own kids jack you over, you can find it in yourself to forgive, justify and move on.
BUT, everyone is correct about the big picture. If she did this once, it sort of worked out for her, so she may inclined to do it again. And if she has recently become buddy-buddy with dad and he and everyone else is giving her attention and pity, you may very well be the next target. You're the next in line to get punished.
Agreed - it will be much
Agreed - it will be much easier to do again. And now she knows what works and what doesn't so she can embellish the story to fit her needs better. This child is dangerous as hell.
Thank you all for advice.
Thank you all for advice. This is such bullshit. His mother and sister have offered to take her, but he won't let her go. I think this is the final straw and I don't know how to recover from it. It is very clear that I am not the priority. Maybe this sounds selfish, but I would like to be first. I put him first, it would be nice to have the same done in return. Next relationship requirement - No kids.
She is 12 and has manipulated
She is 12 and has manipulated this. God help you when she is 14 or 16 or 18, 22 and forever after, because this seems as if dad is going to let it go untreated and unpunished.
Please go, you are not married, you are researching other living arrangements, follow through, you don't need this crap getting crappier. If you think she has damaged your life now, just give her a few more years with this doting dad.