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Wedding day with SKs?

gapeach12's picture

Hi everyone,

Wedding is coming up in a few months and I am concerned about how to handle SS5 during the ceremony and reception. I've seen a lot of people say they put their DH's parents in charge of the SK during the wedding. The only issue here is that SS does not know his grandparents very well. He talks to them over the phone often (short periods) and FaceTime with them sometimes , but he hasn't spent much time with them as we live in a different state than both of our families. I'm thinking we should take him there or have them come to where we live to get more acclimated before the big date. Other than that, any other ideas? I'm not trying to push him to the side, I just want someone (other than FDH) to manage bathroom visits and entertaining/managing him while we are doing things like taking pictures that are just the two of us, or the first dance. Any suggestions would be helpful.

ndc's picture

Do you have any friends that SS knows well? We had DH's mother and brother help out with the SDs. They live hundreds of miles away and the skids see them at most once a year, but they were fine with them.  They're also pretty outgoing and hung out with other kids and my family. They were 4 and 6 at the time. 

gapeach12's picture

I don't have any friends that he knows well. Most of my friends and his live in different cities so he hasn't been around them much either. The few friends I have that live where we do, he hasn't seen much (we moved during height of pandemic). 

Loxy's picture

Babysitter or family friends who SS knows well? My skids were 3 and 4 at our wedding and were part of the ceremony. We then did some photos with them and sent them off with a babysitter to the house we had hired for the week as we had no kids at our reception. My parents then stayed at the house with the skids that night and DH and I stayed in a hotel. 

gapeach12's picture

My fiancé is pretty wary of a babysitter that we don't know. So it would have to be family or friends really. It's just that SS has not had much time with them and most weekends that he comes he's only with me or his dad. Since we've been together, he's not hired a babysitter or had family watch him on his weekends.

 

tog redux's picture

Any other kids going? Pay a teenager to watch him during the ceremony/reception.  Maybe a friend who is invited can bring their kid who has done some babysitting.

gapeach12's picture

Thanks but the only teenager coming really isn't trustworthy and has had some behavioral issues of her own.

Rags's picture

My Skid was very upset that he was not up with his mom and I when we were getting married. He was sitting with my brother and the few guests that attended our announced elopement.  In hind site, I/we should have grabbed him and had him up there with us.  My brother, being the great guy he is, did not want an upset crying 2yo to disrupt our ceremony.  

Do either of you have a sibling you can draft to be your contingency responder if SS-5 goes non-linear?  

ESMOD's picture

Does SS ever have a babysitter? at mom's?  If so, he has been able to be "watched" by another person and if that goes ok.. I don't see why he couldn't have that happen at the wedding/reception.

If there are other kids that will be invited, maybe even hiring a nanny for the day to keep them entertained.. or even if it's just him.. hiring a "professional babysitter" might be good.  I mean, his parents are there to celebrate their son getting married... and if the kid has a melt down and needs to be removed from the event.. does he want his parents to miss it? would they want that?

I mean, it would be fine if they want to spend time with him.. but it would be better if someone less "important to the day" were the one that might have to truly wrangle the kid around and make sure he doesn't cause too big of a disruption.

ps... this was one of the reasons why we planned and had a destination wedding/honeymoon for the two of us in a lovely tropical island location with no guests.. really eliminated these issues and allowed us to put all our funds and focus on US (the truly most important part of the wedding..lol).

 

skell76's picture

A kid should mind / respect an elder watching them, are you concerned because of his behaviour? If that's the case you need to hire someone otherwise I'd ask someone (gparents) that is willing to take on the task and during the reception let him have fun too. I packed activity bags for my SK and her cousin (only two kids at our wedding) and they played and danced and it was great - well until she bit her cousin so we had a parenting moment during reception - that was fun <eye roll> but otherwise no issues.

During the ceremony she was our flower girl and we had practiced she would go sit with my girls or her grandparents. My girls walked me down, sat down and then we each wrote vows to the others kids and brought them up and put a necklace on them we had made for each girlie. But she knew to go sit down and did as she was told.  

gapeach12's picture

No, I think he would mind his grandma. I did think of doing the activity kits for him and his cousin. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Sit your to be DH down and agree a plan.  You do not want to be looking after a small child at your wedding.   Nor do you want STB DH distracted.

You say that he isn't keen on getting a baby sitter.  Well then maybe he needs to come up with an alternative.  I would not have that alternative be his parents.  This was the solution for a friend of mine and it was awful.  The groom left the reception for at least an hour to get the child to bed when his parents couldn't manage it.

If you are spending on a wedding, then invest a little more in a professional to help on the day.

ESMOD's picture

My suggestion would  be to hire or enlist a babysitter (family friend who has kids etc..) to fulfill this role.. I would also do a trial run by having that person take a try at babysitting prior to your event.. you and DH go out to dinner.. or an afternoon date and let the person have a trial run with SS.

Cover1W's picture

We had to have a plan in place with a 10 yo and a 12 yo!

You and your future DH need to have this sorted out stat. If he doesn't want to then RED FLAG!!!  We had a plan for the SDs, what they would do during ceremony and after and who in our family would run reconnisance. And it WAS needed. For a 10 and 12 year old - actually, only the 12 year old, she was the problem. I like ESMOD's idea, get a sitter who is recommended by trusted friends/family and go from there - not everyone is a child molestor or murderer FFS.

Don't leave him with the parents! The parents should be enjoying themselves.

tog redux's picture

Him being afraid to leave the kid with a babysitter would be a red flag for me. This kid is going to be the center of everything.

gapeach12's picture

I wasn't left with a babysitter either at a young age. If it wasn't family or a friend I was with my parents. My parents never hired anyone to watch me or my siblings. So, I think some people are more concerned about that than others. It's not as if he wants no one else to watch him. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The issue, IMO, is that you are the one stressing about this, not the child's father. Does he think you or someone else will just handle this for him? 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

That's good to hear. It concerned me that it seemed to fall on you. 

ESMOD's picture

I want to point out that this isn't a typical "babysitter" scenario.  It's not like you would be leaving the child generally "alone" while you all left the premises.  But, it might give the adults central to the celebration the ability to not have to spend time with a 5 year old's meltdown.

In babysitter risk, I would imagine this might be a fairly low risk situation.. since parent.. grandparents are all in attendance.

But, if his parents WANT the job.. I think that it might be good to introduce them at least the day before the big event.

Are there zero other adults that the child knows well enough?  Maybe even a former daycare worker who might be able to be hired?

Mamabearof3's picture

Is he horribly behaved or something? What's the issue with him sitting next to his grandparents? 

justmakingthebest's picture

I know of several people that have hired babysitters for the wedding in general- for ALL the kids. They have a seperate room with cartoons, games, etc that are more fun to them than the boring wedding. 

Maybe with the other kids there too your FH will be more comfortable?