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was this a good or bad decision?

tinky winky's picture

I sent her an email just to create dialogue. I thought with all the the negative things that have happened in the past, it would be a good thing to speak to her about the kid since in a way we're raising her together. Knowing the kind of person she is, She's going to take this oportunity to entertain arguments. But we'll see what happens.

justa102's picture

I kinda of agree with the two posts above. You have a part in raising her but it's really only the mom and dad doing the raising. I, too, would be a little ticked off getting an email from the new wife saying anything about how she's raising the kid.

I understand where you're coming from. I have wanted to send so many emails or make a phone call but I haven't cause I know it'll only make things worse. I got to the point where I actually wrote out a whole email then decided against it. I know there will probably come a point where I do get so fed up that I will. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it'll never come to that. I guess in rare, and I do mean rare circumstances that it will work out. But if you're already having major issues with her.. well, I don't see this turning out good in your benefit unless you're trying to use it against her?

frustratedstepdad's picture

I don't necessarily think it's a bad idea. You at least extended an olive branch to the woman. If she uses it to argue, so be it...but at least you tried.

tinky winky's picture

to mu surprise, she accepted it and even called me to say she appreciates that I initiated the dialogue as she would have never done it. this is a crytical time in in SD's life where she has to be spoken to about birds and bees and I did the talk without her (SM) permision, as I think all moms would much rather have sex education to come from them, you know just in case the person dishing it out has bad intentions, then it's incorrect information into your kid's ears that will shape the decisions she makes in the future. She says she realizes SD loves me a lot and always tells her not to mess with me coz I'm a good person. She says she's happy I don't want to cross boundries but she doesn't give me any limitations as she knows from what she hears from SD about me, I wouldn't give her (SD) information I wouldn't give to my own daughter. I spoke to her again today and emphesized that us talking is all about the kids. not about our egos. and yes we will probably have disagreements but that's houw all relationships are like. I think she must have grown up. I suppose we can only try and leave everything to the grace of God.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Good for you. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person. Sounds like she wants to be civil, but definitely keep your guard up.

letsboogaloo's picture

NEVER extend an olive branch to a bad biological mother. Trust me, coming from experience, they aren't intelligent or ethical enough to understand that you are their parent and they should create a working relationship with you. This also applies to a biomother's partner - trust me, they are blinded by the biomother (sometimes the partner is smarter and able to comprehend basic dialogue, but in my experience, I have yet to find one). Just some advice....don't do it again. If she responds positively, it will be either a) because she wants something or is faking b) because she is real - the latter is about.....a 1% chance if she has mental issues or is unstable emotionally/participates in PAS at all or lies, child support or money issues in the past. I've been here and just stop....some biomoms are just not cut out for society Smile

tinky winky's picture

keep your friends close and your enemies even closer."evil laugh". I know she's faking most of it, its good sometimes when people think they're smarter than you, yet you know best. I still hope for the best, for the sake of the kids. Her kid is sweet and I don't think its fair for her to suffer for the sins of the mom. Anyways, God's grace goes a looooong way. So I'll leave it in his hands. Smile