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Wants and expectations

Elizabeth's picture

After our blowup this weekend (see my other post), my husband said SD14 just wants me to say I love her and to include her in things.

Problem is, she wants this without having to do anything to earn it. Let me explain.

SD treats me like crap. Doesn't speak to me unless she wants something. Does things I have asked her at least a dozen times not to do. Talks badly about me to BM and maternal grandmother, writes bad things about me for class assignments, etc. Lies right to my face and to her father, who always believes her.

If my BDs treated me like that, I would not put up with it. They would be told to shape up pretty quick. But I can't do that with SD because then I'm being mean. So I have detached from the situation.

Let her father do things with her if he wants. I don't have to be involved. But that's not good enough for either of them.

Anyone else in a similar situation? I can't make my husband see that I'm not the only one who should be expected to bend.

sarahbernheart's picture

Or maybe write a contract for you H and SD, stating what treatment you expect and what treatment you will give in return?

Men are visual creatures maybe reading and seeing it will help??

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

smoke07's picture

I can't believe how many SMs have this problem. Why is it when their wonderful daughters say that they just want the SM's love, our husbands jump. They just don't understand that love is something that is either made thru you and your SD, or not. It isn't something that just happens because that is what he wants! Our husbands need to get a clue because we are the ones who end up with the short end of the stick in this!

Most Evil's picture

With our BM we have reached the point where we just cannot talk to her at all. Before it gets that bad, make up a contract where you give 10% and she gives 90%, or whatever you can live with, then if she doesn't hold up her end, you have it in writing to show DH.

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

Elizabeth's picture

SD is so selfish, husband can't do anything with her that also includes our two daughters. So he ends up taking time away from them to do things with SD. Then they don't understand why their dad isn't around. This extends throughout their lives. He leaves it to me to take care of a lot of things with our daughters because he is the only one who can do SD's things (because of her attitude, I will no longer do things for her).