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Very worried stepmom here

Castaway's picture

I'm a worried stepmom and need advice, insight, opinions, whatever you can offer on this subject.

I'll first mention I had an account here before but forget my log in thus the new account.

I have two steppies sd9 and ss11. We use to have huge problems when they came to visit, the worse of the two being ss who was even banned from the home twice for physical abuse towards my animals and the other children. However in the last 6 or so months things have been going good, minimal issues, however we do still have problems with ss sometimes with defiance and bullying.

Okay, my main point of this post.... This past weekend was our weekend. My two oldest daughters came to me concerning sd saying she was doing/saying disgusting things. 1. She took two dolls and stimulated oral sex. 2. She talked about women's breasts and said they felt good to be touched/rubbed. 3. She brought up men's privates and said it's good to perform oral sex. 4. She straddled my barely 7 year old son and tried to give him hickeys on his neck. 5. She tried to stick her tongue down my sons throat. This is mild in comparison to what she actually said, she was much more graphic.

I'm sorry, I don't think I'm overreacting but this screams sexual abuse to me. A child of her age shouldn't even know this sort of stuff! I'm very worried about her! My daughter asked her where she got all this stuff and she said ss taught her. When dh told her he was going to sit down and have a talk with her she immediately recanted and told my girls she was just joking.

When we addressed it when we took them home Sunday she protested that she thought it up on her own then again changed her story and said she dreamed it. I don't buy it. Just two weeks prior their stepdad told us to keep an eye on ss cause he felt he was at that age and he had been doing weird stuff.

Tonight we decided to drive over to their city to discuss the issue again and see if we could borrow sd for a night or two because both dh and I feel if her and I are one on one she may open up and tell me what's going on. She's usually very good with me that way. Well to our surprise before we could even finish speaking the answer was flat out no, she was not going anywhere with us. Her stepdad asked us to bring the girls by this week to see how they all interact with each other and ask them questions. I pointed out that sd has already recanted, changed her story and if something happened she is most likely very scared and she won't talk about it Infront of a bunch of people, then he suggested we call cps and have her talk to them, I also pointed out she won't talk to a stranger. He claims he understands what we are trying to do and that we are trying to help. So why not let us?! What's the worst that could happen? I want to get to the bottom of this, I want to speak to her myself before making a call that will most def turn several peoples lives upside down, but he doesn't seem to want me talking to her one on one. Wtf?!

Sorry this was so long, I'm just so concerned and upset and god dammit if he did anything to his little sister I feel I may lose it.

Orange County Ca's picture

There is no way this child dreamed or otherwise made this up. It is way beyond a child's imagination.

She could be seeing porn. No you are not overreacting you are almost underreacting by having to come here and ask. I'm not being accusatory just making a point. As the others have said this needs to come to the attention of child protective services and Daddy should do it today.

It's his child and to do anything less adds to the abuse. I.e. he's just as guilty by not doing what needs to be done. It doesn't matter if the kid starts lying. Just the fact than an investigation is opened may bring the abuse to an end.

furkidsforme's picture

I'm going to be blunt.


You don't handle hints of sexual abuse "by yourselves".

OMG, call CPS already. If there is nothing, then no harm done. If there is, and you pussy foot around trying to talk to everyone, you not only look like you are guilty and covering up, but you are unintentionally coaching the child in how to answer one way or the other.

Rags's picture

Call CPS now. If you do not want to, speak to SD's school counselor about the issues. The counselor will be obligated to report it to CPS.

This is the smell test. If it looks like a dog, barks like a dog, and smells like a dog .... it must be a dog.

Good luck.

Castaway's picture

Being blunt doesn't mean asking me if I'm an idiot is helpful. I came here to ask if I was overreacting because the parents and stepfather in this situation don't seem to think it's as big a deal as I do. I've never personally been involved in such a situation myself but I've been a witness to a similar type of situation where the family was tore apart and the accusation turned out to be false. It's my gut instinct that something very bad has happened here and when I and dh went the other night dh let her stepdad run the damn show, why? It's beyond me. I told him I wasn't pleased with how he handled things. As I mentioned above I planned to contact authorities, it was late when I posted this, CPS wasn't open yet and so I thought I could read some helpful advice come morning. Anyways, thank you to everyone for the helpful advice, I'm contacting proper authorities right now and will let them handle it from here on out.