Vent: unable to take his last name
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I've never thought I'd want to change my last name to my partner's last name, but now that I've met "the one" I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to take his last name after marriage. Then it's ruined so fast because BM is keeping his last name so that their daughter has the same last name as both parents. Nothing to be done about this, obviously, and I wouldn't want to take that away from his kid (the cynical side of me sometimes says that BM doesn't need SO's last name, she gets to be the kid's mother!). Anyone else out there just able to relate? 
I could say that about my
I could say that about my DSS's BM, but she's been married three times since she divorced DH. She did keep his name for a long time (well, long for her, like 2 years after their divorce was final) and me and DH were only dating at the time.
Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll find a new guy too? :/
He has a mother and a
He has a mother and a grandmother who are Mrs X. If he has brothers their wives will be Mrs X, there will be lots of Mrs X's on the earth related or not. It is important for the kids to have the same last name. But you have two options, if he asks you to marry him just become mrs x, like his mother, grandmother and yes the ex mrs x. Or tell him you don't want to take his name because the ex is still using it so the kids and her can have the same name. Tell him to go tell her to go back to her maiden and so the kids can have the same name, change the kids names to her maiden name too. See how that flys with him and his entire family. Honestly If this kind of thing bothers you, find someone with no ex and no kids. Being a step parent and being the second wife is incredibly hard, it comes with ready made built in problems, don't go making any unnecessary ones like a name. Lots of people keep theirs own name after marriage, the kids have a right to keep the same name as their parents, you don't like it., if he asks you to marry, keep your own name.
Yeah, or hyphenate, if you're
Yeah, or hyphenate, if you're into that sort of thing.
My FDH was going to change
My FDH was going to change his last name to my maiden name. When he realized BM wouldn't let him change SS we decided to follow in a friends footsteps and we would both use a double last name combo of mine and his.
I just got remarried in
I just got remarried in January, and my DH ex wife kept his last name. No big deal. I took his last name too. Whenever there's any question, which there's only been once so far, I just said "nope, I'm the NEW Mrs. Jones" my mentally prepared more snarky remark, for when the neighbors or closer acquaintances of hers prod, wil be "yeps, I'm the upgrade!"
When I divorced I kept my married name, to keep same last name of my kids.
I see no reason why you couldn't take your partners last name...
I did not want to take DH's
I did not want to take DH's last name for a long time so we didn't get married for the first 3 years we knew each other. Then his ex changed her name back to her maiden and my kids got older, so then it became easier. I totally GET what you're going through. Crap wish there was an easy answer for you. :?
FDH had it in the divorce
FDH had it in the divorce decree that BM change her last name back. He has a very unique last name and from a small town..... and she has done some VERY horrible disgusting public stuff. He hated the idea that people associated his family with her. She didn't change it until FDH was taking her back to court (for unrelated things) but when she realize it was in the decree she changed it. Not until 5 years later though,....and probably at the suggestion of her lawyer.