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Rainbowbritemom's picture

First time post.....I do not want to go on vacation with my stepsons (ages 16 and 18) this summer which is a planned car trip through several states including my childhood hometowns, to visit my dad (who I haven't seen in a few years) and also to the stepsons' grandmothers house, who will have been here visiting US for about a month in just the two weeks prior to our trip (meaning they would have spent a lot of time with her and they aren't particularly close. When she lived here they saw her aboutb1x a month). At any rate I visioned a nice couples trip with my spouse and I, which in 7 years of marriage would be a first for us. We have had a few one-night camping trips but never a vacation alone. We have 5 step kids total - 3 from me; two from my spouse. My kids engage "normally" with my spouse. Talk, treat  them just like a normal person. Social etc. The stepsons on my spouses side however hardly talk to me. One word responses. Haven't actually had a conversation beyond what's for dinner in god knows how long. We have had family vacations in the past which were pleasant but as soon as we are home it's back to zero relationship. So I am finally to the point of just want to go without them and yet here I am finding out "they want to go" which of course seems like I can't say no to a kid who says he wants to go. But my god I wish they didn't. And you feel bad for even thinking it.

notarelative's picture

16 and 18. You couldn't pay me enough. Teens are notoriously difficult to travel with. We once took DS17 on vacation on spring break and about half way through I wanted to push him off the edge of the Grand Canyon. And that was my BS. 

16 and 18. Won't they have summer jobs? Dad needs to line up someone (grandparent maybe) to stay at the house and make sure their are no parties, and leave them home to work.

ESMOD's picture

How about the skids get flown out to grandma's and then you only have them on the return trip.  xtra time with family.. a compromise for you?  

Rainbowbritemom's picture

This is one option we have discussed and maybe can happen.

ESMOD's picture

This would be a decent compromise... because you could still have your couple's trip.  the kids would get to spend less time cooped up in a car or seeing "boring" stuff and would get more quality time with their relatives.. who they WANT to see.

I remember a trip with my OSD to our place in FL one year when she was maybe 17.  She HATES driving in the car.. I guess we spent a lot of time in her youth doing road trips.. either for pickups/drop offs or just day trips which was what my DH and I enjoyed.

Well.. for this FL trip.. .we worked it out so that she could fly round trip which was only like 100 dollars.. so we didn't have to put up with sourpuss in the car.. and the time she DID spend with us was more enjoyable and we had a day or two on each side of her visit to do things she would not have been interested in.  

If there is any way you could manage to do something like that.. I think you would find that the time spent with the kids would be better overall instead of being a downer on the fun couples time for you.

BethAnne's picture

I'm sure the kids don't want to go either, a road trip with my parents at age 16-18 was not my idea of fun. 

shellpell's picture

Why are you giving up things that you want to do in favor of entertaining teenage brats that aren't yours? I wouldn't go no way!

Rags's picture

My mom, dad, little brother, and I took a ton of road trips over the years. 

After my divorce and after  selling my company to go back to finish my engineering degree the 4 of us took several family road trips together.  I was in my mid to late 20s, my brother was in his very early 20s.  We had a blast.

My DW, SS, and I have taken some great road trips  SS is not a fan over all, in his teens he was usually pretty brooding and sullen during the road part but would get into "OMG, that is amazing!" mode when we got to the cool stuff.

I'm of the mind that families, yes, even blended families, do things together when possible though I am also team don't wait for the kids on a visitation schedule to be available.  They integrate into what is going on when they are there, the rest of the family does what they decide to do whether the visiting SKids are there or not.  Things go on in the other BP's home that kids that are resident in our blended homes do not do.  So, a visitation schedule SKid is not catered to for trips that they are with the other parent for.

IMHO of course.

And ... partners need to make time for trips together with no kids. Regardless of kid biology. There can be no whinnying about "But my kid reeeeeaaaaaalllly wants to go on this trip with us."  Nope, this is our trip not their trip.  

Also IMHO.


tog redux's picture

That's a hard no. He doesn't get to change plans just because his kids want him to. 

You fly out to see your dad and they can drive to see Grandma. Don't compromise on something that was already planned. 

Merry's picture

I agree with this. It wouldn't even be a discussion in my house. A couple's trip is planned, a couple's trip it will be. If teens want to take a trip, we'll plan something else. Why do adults allow children to have this much power?

I once offered a trip for adult SD, her family, and DH and me. I had something specific in mind that I wanted to do and thought they would enjoy it. By the time she and DH had finished discussing it, the trip no longer resembeled anything that I'd offered or wanted. So, no trip.

tog redux's picture

Exactly. The time for discussion of compromise was in the planning. This trip is set. Take a different one with the kids. 

Rags's picture

He needs to learn that his ocmmitment to you trumps the fee fees of his failed family progeny.

Every time.


simifan's picture

You are giving up visits with your family and seeing your childhood haunts to entertain his kids who were invited without your consent, why? How is entertaining his brats a vacation for you? Your SO is a selfish a$$. Go see your family & take the trip you wanted to take. Leave SO & Skids to themselves. Either they can drop you off & pick you up on the way home or you can fly out. 

Harry's picture

It's a couple vacations. No SK.  They can go somewhere later in summer