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Vacation issues WTF

Cookieboom's picture

Not only did BF blow all his money to get 50/50 that SS refuses to follow, he also blew all of his vacation time for court.  I booked our vacation (Me and kids) and he said he would love to go but has no vacation time left.  It would be nice for him to go at least half of the vacation since we’ve never been on vacation together.

I said whatever....He can stay behind with SS, who continues to berate him, call him fat, call me a whore, ect. (Now SS is on a kick telling him he is a bad driver and yelling at him while he is driving, similar to the way BM used to treat him) 

Our therapist thinks we should start hanging out together with me and my kids and I said NO WAY! My kids don't treat ppl like that and they will not learn that its ok to tell your father to f%$^$ off!!!!

BF said he never really went on vacations, when I reminded him that’s not true and brought up When I helped him move and found photos of him and BM in Bermuda with he and BM all lovey dovey and such (On another post, found when helping him move, he threw them away).  Now SS

He’s going to ask his boss if he can borrow time.  Hope all the money and time was worth it since SS is unbearable to be around.  I told him I’m going with or without him.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

It continues to amaze me that your boyfriend lets a 16 year old talk to him that way. It is bad enough he lets his kid talk bad about him, but it is worse that he lets him talk that way about you. I know you have been in this relationship a long time and you have taken all the right steps to protect yourself, but it seems like things are getting worse instead of better. Is he really worth it?

la_dulce_vida's picture

Oh darlin, why are you letting this man piggyback on your vacation with your kids? You know he can't afford to go. Do not feel bad that he can't go. He's made his choices when he exhausted all his savings to chase after a snotty teenager.

I cannot believe he had the audacity to say, "I've never been on a vacation."

ESMOD's picture

He did not finish that

I have never been on a vacation that I planned or paid for

Noway2b1's picture


Yesterdays's picture

That would piss me off about the vacation comment knowing he went to Bermuda and all... I agree with you I wouldn't allow his kid around yours because he's a bad influence.... I started to notice my kids behavior getting worse when my hubbys kids were around.. They thought they could get away with more, well just my son. But the actually 2 times of my step son yelling F off in my house when my kids were home was enough for me to not want them to be around my kids... My kids were shaken up by his behavior. They looked rattled and upset and scared 

notarelative's picture

BF used his vacation time for court (which is what many have to do).  He gets x number of days. It does not matter to his employer whether he used it to go to court or sit on the beach. His vacation for this year is gone.

Even if BF could "borrow" the time, he can't afford to go. There's costs to vacation -- travel, food, activities. He has no money for any of it. Does he expect you to provide it?

Your therapist is bananas thinking that it would be a good idea to bring you or your kids around BF's kids. Until/Unless BF can parent his kid, you (and your kids) need to stay far away from the mess. 

Cookieboom's picture

for all of the replies. The vacation is already paid for.  We are going for a week, and BF would come down for two days and go back..

Anyway, SS is so unbearable.  It is now graduation season, and one of BF’s close friends invited him/SS to his daughter's graduation that is on the weekend (when BF has SS). 

He told SS about it who said, "I'm (SS) not going, and YOU ARE NOT GOING EITHER!" 

SS also told BF to tell his friend to reschedule the party for during the week so BF can do (Yeah, the dad will get right on it!  Sorry, SS.  This is not the world according to BM/SS. The world is not going to change plans to accommodate you!)  BF told him HE IS going, so SS has two options: Go along with me, or stay home with BM.  SS said "Not gonna happen!"  So, not sure how this is going to pan out....I will keep you all posted...

Our therapist said this kid is in for a rude awakening when he goes to college.

Winterglow's picture

This level of self-important entitlement is absolutely staggering. Your therapist is right and I'm wondering what will happen when he realizes that he doesn't actually rule the world. I suppose he won't ever realize that but just think that the world is jealous of him and out to get him.

Please make it VERY clear to your bf that there is no way you will live under the same roof as this monstrous teen, not even temporarily. Who knows what he'll do if he finds himself homeless ...

Cookieboom's picture

I have nothing to do with SS.  BF has brought it up in the past, about how we should "reintroduce this relationship" to SS and he always gets a big fat NO!!!!

Noway2b1's picture

If he doesn't feel like it. This kid won't get a job. If he doesn't feel like it. You'll be lucky if he launches before 30. 

IDontCare3117's picture

What does "borrow time" even mean?  He's going to ask for PTO he doesn't have?  That makes no sense.  I also don't know of a company that would allow it.  

Cookieboom's picture

can borrow time by using whatever hours he needs and it gets taken out of the hours he receives the next year

IDontCare3117's picture

Ah.  I see.

It's only the middle of May and he's already out of PTO.  With the way he squanders his time, he apparently wants to be in the hole for PTO on January 1, 2024.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

SS sounds like one of those kids on the original Willy Wonka movie. He would totally be turned into a blueberry. I say enjoy your vacation with your kids. If your SO can go, great. Do not under any circumstances waste any money or vacation days by traveling with SS. 

Rags's picture

An employee can take limited  unpaid TO with prior approval to preserve  PTO and Sick Time.

A former employer gave 5wks of TOWP usable as eitrher vacation or sick.  TOWP went to 120hrs at 5 years with 8 hours added each year of service after that up to a max annual accrual rate of 200hrs/yr.  So, at 15yrs the annual cap hit 200hrs.  At that point it was use it or lose it.  My business unit was sold when I was at 168hrs of TOWP per year.

I miss that company.

I have to deal witih a number of employees every year who use their Vaca and Sick then continue to miss work resulting in disciplinary action.  To preserve my own emotional health, I have to just enforce the policy regardless of the sob story presented.

Your DH needs to learn that you and your kids are going on vacation.... with or without him and he has to man up, adult up, and put his failed family spawn interface in perspective.

IMHO of courrse.

Cookieboom's picture

for all of the replies.  I don't remember the blueberry scene on the Wonka movie, but that is really funny!!!!  I will have to see that movie again!

BF got SS Saturday and SS got into the car immediately complaining about the graduation party, saying that he (SS) was not going.  He then said that if you (BF) go, then I will stay with mom for the entire weekend.  BF pulled over and told SS if that is what he wants he can get out now and walk back to Mom’s.  SS looked SHOCKED and said no, I’ll stay with you (HA HA!!!!)

The whole day SS kept saying “I can’t believe you want to go to a graduation party instead of being with me, I’m your son we spend no time together (Whose fault is that you f**$ng brat????) BF said, “I have invited you several times and you refuse to go.” 

SS said "I can't believe you would rather be with strangers then your own son."  BF said once again that he wants him to go but SS once again said no.  SS kept going on and on with reasons as to why BF should not go.  SS even said that the people who invited him really hate him, don't want him there and only invited him out of guilt.  BF told him that’s BS, and to stop making up stories that are not true.

BF eventually went to the graduation party and had a great time.  SS stayed home but kept texting him asking how long he was going to be? And BF just kept texting back "not too long."  

Glad BF now putting SS in his place and enjoyed himself for a few hours. 

Happy Mother’s Day everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I guess that's what you get when you kiss a kid's ass his whole life and compete for his love instead of raise him. What a miserable little a-hole!