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leftfield's picture

1) I found out that my now (ex) boyfriend now has BM's current boyfriend do handyman work around his house (my exbf's house) and pays him to do the handyman work. The reason? BM's boyfriend doesn't have a job and my exboyfriend felt bad that BM gives her boyfriend an he gives him work to do to earn some money to take some of the burden off of her. WTF! And mind you, her boyfriend is the man she left my exboyfriend for nearly 3 years ago. Why can't exboyfriend just MOVE ON??

2) I put a profile up on Match and have been on 4 WONDERFUL dates with a guy who is ONLY 28. I'm 33 going on 34. He has his program together and we have a good time, but I'm kinda stressing about the age thing. He has never been married and has no kids. I think I"m worried that IF we become serious, he will leave me for a younger woman. The Exbf cheated on me once, so now I guess I have some trust issues. I don't think this guy has really been in a serious relationship. Me? I've had 3 in my life and I feel like I'm damaged goods because of my failed relationships and shithead exbf's who played mind games. I don't want to damage this guys playfulness. And how will his folks feel about him dating a woman 5.5 years OLDER. Ugggh. Stressing.

leftfield's picture

I don't think it has anything to do with self-respect. At least in my exbf's case, I think he has her boyfriend do handyman work for pay becuase he is trying to prove to BM that her boyfriend is a LOSER. And at the same time, he is trying to prove to her that HE is a great guy.

whatever. if we were still together, this would cause a huge fight. Soooo glad I'm not with him. I am feeling much better and truly count my blessings. I do think he is a narcissist. He only cared about him and his 2nd born (from the golden unterus). His first born is from someone he dislikes and he treats that child much differently than golden boy. Eff the whole sitution. It's really sick.

As for the new guy - if any of you think it's too much of an age difference, please voice your concerns. I respect you all and you all have great advice. He and I both have well-paying jobs and neither of us have kids and neither of us have been married. He has a mortgage, etc. I have NEVER dated younger. And I never imagined I would date someone 5.5 years younger. 3 or 4 years, maybe. but almost 6??? He says "it's just a number". so why am I freaking out.

shielded2009's picture

That's a clusterphuck...with the ex and BM..

Also, relax with the date...My DH is 3 years younger than I am and I'm the hawtest thing he's ever dated, AND he's not going anywhere...That's not a big difference you're looking at...Relax and enjoy...

Vichychoisse's picture

I don't think 5 years is a big deal at all. You would *almost* be in high school at the same time! Biggrin

I agree with him, that in a case like this, it's just a number. What matters is that you connect and have a great time. And that he has no kids! Ha.

But seriously, don't limit yourself. Why do you think it matters? Because of the younger woman thing? Well honey, that can happen even if you are with someone *older* than you. I don't think that 5 year gap increases the odds. Otherwise, the gap isn't really enough to raise eyebrows, or create a huge cultural chasm between you, or limit your sexual chemistry, or even enough to label you a "cougar". Forget it and enjoy yourself!

emotionaly beat up's picture

My neighbour is almost 6 years older than her husband, they have been married around 15 years I think. I have never seen a happier couple. It bugged her when she turned 40, bugged her big time. But she got over it pretty quick. Age really is a number. My youngest married at 28 to my son in law who was then 38, I thought about it sure. But they were so happy I decided none of my business, and she is a very mature 28. The now have a beautiful son, and I have to be honest again an amazingly happy couple. One thing I have noticed about the two couples. They go out more and have more fun than any of the couples I know who are around the same age. I'm guessing the younger one is still partying and the older one is having a ball. Smile Smile If it bothers you don't tell everyone.

Roarin1's picture

#1 is your ex. Not your concern any more.

#2 - NOT a big age difference. Some men like older women, and some of us don't even worry about age. Just enjoy yourself.