You are here

Update Parental Coordinator WTF

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 1:17pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

BF's lawyer said its a good idea...that if you refuse it you look bad in court. He also said "Cookie may be discussed and may have to attend." I told him no F'ing way.   I will NOT attend, not be discussed.  So mad right now....

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 1:36pm

Like it or not you will  be discussed. You aren't married so there isn't too much that can be demanded of you but it would look better if you did go and play the game and cooperate. 

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 1:42pm

Yes I agree that if she were not HC...She told cops I steal drugs from my patients and use them....She told cops and the court she is in fear of me and cannot walk the streets safely knowing I exist....

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 2:31pm

Fixed

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 2:11pm

I'm at my wits end with this....

Kaylee's picture

Submitted by Kaylee on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 2:13pm

Is this guy so wonderful that you want to put up with any more of this crap?

No way would I want to be dragged into court and my life and relationships micro examined!

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 3:06pm

SS is 13 or 14.

You don't live together and you aren't married.  You are not a party to anything, so just block and ignore her.  SO can cooperate if he wants, let her make crazy demands.  He should have a few reasonable requests of his own.  If the authorities are smart they will see her for who she is, if not he didn't have a chance anyway.

SS isn't an infant, he'll be aged out before you know it.

Point and laugh.  She wants to hurt you, but she can't.  She has no legal standing to get money from you, get ROs against you, or anything else.

 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 2:39pm

That BM said. "She told cops I steal drugs from my patients and use them....". Then it's time to sue her. In court.  You can not let this to continue.   You can lose your job and het blackballed from this. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Submitted by NoWireCoatHanga... on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 2:49pm

I have a pretty decent relationship with my 22 year old SD and none with my 20 year old Sd.  I think back to the days of when they were young and the crap I had to go through with their HC mom.  My life is so peaceful now without all that drama and stress.  I guess I'm still here to read and give support cause I was here for so long but I'm here to tell you, life is so much better without a high conflict ex spouse baby mama drama.  

Arsanc's picture

Submitted by Arsanc on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 3:21pm

If you think this will be the largest or last complication, think again.  This has disaster written all over it and I would not want my name dragged in the mud, berated, etc.  If I interpreted correctly, sound like you a  healthcare license that could potentially be in jeopardy as well.  This will not get better...believe me.  I am not going to say you should stay or you should leave as that is your final decision but this is just the begining.  Once you have a ring on your finger and you both have said your "I dos" then it is VERY complicated....  Best wishes for you on this....

Mominit's picture

Submitted by Mominit on Wed, 01/19/2022 - 4:36pm

I got called in.  It wasn't a big deal.  Because you are a significant part of your SO's life, they want to meet you.  To know that you're not some crazy over-stepping person just DYING to replace BM and telling SO what to do.  Or a druggie.  Or a mass murderer.  DH pays for your lawyer to be there with you when you meet the parent coordinator if it's in a formal office.  Or they may just want you to be there when they come to meet with SO in his home to make sure it's not a death trap.

Be pleasant.  Be your wonderful self.  Make it well known that you support your SO in his role as a father but that you are just the girlfriend, and you leave ALL parenting to the two parents.  They love that.  Don't throw mud at BM.  They'll figure out quickly who the crazy person is (BM) and who the level-headed, professional, polite person is (you!).  And it actually helps SO's case if BM swears up and down that she's afraid of you, then tries to get into a room with you.  She'll try to push your buttons, say horrible things about you and try to get you to lose your temper.  You'll rebut her calmly, with facts if it's about you personally, and refer her to your SO if it's about the child (that's really up to SO, I just follow his lead).

If you can handle it, I'd go and have a lovely time making her look like the nut she is while being calm and supportive.

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 9:15am

Do you think the PC will put BM in her place once she starts her rhetoric on me? I don’t feel safe being in the same room with her albeit all of her lies. 

And for the person who suggested I sue her, I already talked to the attorney who said I have nothing because I did not suffer damages due to her lies.  

I have no relationship with SS, so I don’t know why I would need to meet with the PC.  (The lawyer now claims he thought we were living together thats why he said it....everyone knows we don't live together)...

 If you haven't read my previous posts, BM claims she and SS are afraid of me yet are now taking yoga classes at the hospital I work at, driving past a lot of yoga studios in their area.....

Mominit's picture

Submitted by Mominit on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 10:14am

I know you don't live together, but if you are a steady presence in SK's life (you're together a day or so every week), then I'd say the lawyer has a point in getting to know a bit about you.  If you only see the child one or two days a month, then I'd say you tell your SO you're not going and he can explain why.  If they really want you they can get you subpoenaed. 

Will the Parenting Coordinator shut down swearing and hostility - they should.  Will they shut down falsehoods, not likely, but then if you're there you have a chance to rebut them.  As long as you don't let her get you riled.  If she can get you to lose your temper, even once, you are no longer an asset to your SO's case, you are a liability.

So it's up to you.  You'll never change BM's mind.  Even facts won't make her stop being awful.  You might be able to rebut her falsehoods and paint a clearer picture to the PC of who you are, and what your involvement (or lack thereof) is.

But if you're really not all that involved, you absolutely have the right to refuse to go.  But make sure SO doesn't cave and say that since they don't know anything about you, he will accept stupid provisions in his order that you are not allowed to be left alone with the child, or in the child's presence, or whatever.  You've done nothing wrong, there should be nothing negative about you in his agreement,

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 9:40am

I do not see why you should be involved in this at all. You do not live together and you do not parent the kid. Have you even met the kid? If you have, how often have you seen him. The chances are that your SO's neighbours have seen him more than you but they don't get dragged into his ex's insecurities... My fear would be that, if you go, it will be assumed that you are actually trying to parent him when nothing could be further from the truth. I wouldn't go and if your SO is asked why you are not there he only needs to say "because she is not involved in parenting my child in any way. Now let's move on."

shellpell's picture

Submitted by shellpell on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 9:40am

None of this is worth the stress and potential upheaval to your life/career. I sure as eff wouldn't go. It's nothing to do with me. If BM is crazy that's her problem. I would stay far far away and reconsider if this is a healthy situation to be in long term.

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 11:44am

I met SS a few times a few years ago, and have not seen him ever since.  We keep our lives seperate.  I do not talk to him or have any dealings with him at all. 

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Thu, 01/20/2022 - 11:55am

then I'd make a point to when they ask you a question to make sure to mention that... and mention you don't really know why you are there, other than to maybe support your SO