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UPDATE on non-social distancing BF

Doll3girls's picture

Update on an earlier lost: My BF allows all kids in the neighborhood to congregate at his home. He told me tonight "do you expect me to apologize for letting my kids hang out with their friends?'s been 2 months, they need to see their friends". I told him the entire world is going thru the exact same thing. No one likes it. 
He told me it will suck not to be able to see me but if that's what needs to happen....
I fear the love of my life is slowly disappearing. I cannot put myself in a position where I'm around people that are not even making an effort to social distance. 
I'm so angry and sad and upset.  I know not everyone believes this virus is harmful and scary....but I do. 

Kes's picture

It's not been "2 months".  The USA is behind us, ie UK, in progress of the virus.  We have been on lockdown here in the UK only since March 23rd.    From what I've heard of what's happening in the US, some states have lockdown, others not, but on the whole there seems to be a lot less compliancy in some quarters than here.  I'm not saying no-one complies in the US, but you see demontrations in some states against lockdown - there's been nothing like that here.  Everyone has the sense to realise that if you just carry on doing what you want to do, everyone suffers.  Your SKIDs do not "need" to see their friends, your BF is being a total knob head. I am not surprised you're angry and upset. 

Winterglow's picture

"Your SKIDs do not "need" to see their friends"

I agree. We've been in lockdown since 17th March (France) and my daughters haven't left the house and garden since ... The only way they've "seen" their friends is via phone/tablet. Neither has complained.

fakemommy's picture

For the record, it has been 2 months for us and we are in the US. The news doesn't really give exact details about what is going on in the US. Our schools have been out since March 6th.

BethAnne's picture

If it wasn't this, there would have been some other event where you noticed that your boyfriend will give his kids what they "want" despite the consequences to themselves and others. Luckily for you, you have discovered this now and can move on to new pastures before you got yourself too entangled in his life and his kids desires were regularly prioritized above your needs. 

LakesideChill19's picture

What BethAnne said above.  It's 100% correct.  Turn your anger, sadness, frustration into positive motivation to get the $%^* out while you can. And when he's missing you and realizes what he's lost, remind him of that conversation and those decisions.

Doll3girls's picture

I have noticed already. He has told me on numerous occasions he does not like telling his kids no. This is absolutely absurd and the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And he's a teacher. Writing it out and taking about it with you all, makes me realize how much I have closed my eyes to. 

tog redux's picture

As I said on your last post, the U.S is now divided into those who think the virus is a real threat, and those who think it's overblown nonsense.

You guys are no longer compatible. This will be around for a couple years, most likely, until there is a vaccine. If he can't handle it for 6 weeks (our lockdown went into effect on 3/20), then you two can't make it work together.

And he may be the love of your life so far, but there will be others, if you want.

readingandlearning's picture

I don't think people see it as overblown nonsense as much as they see the other dire consequences of creating a lockdown (joblessness, financial ruin, homelessness, depression, suicide, people with other serious medical problems not getting the treatments they need, etc.) Also the whole point was not to fill up the hospitals and to have time to find a treatment. They have discovered resdemivir works very well now and the hospitals where I live are not even close to being at capacity because most people recover quickly with resdemivir. There are also so many holes in having a lockdown anyways. For example if thousands of people are allowed to congregate at Walmart daily then what good is a lockdown anyways? I think the lockdown was a good idea (with the exception of allowing people to congregate at Walmart and other grocery stores) until we found out about resdemivir working so well. Now the lockdown serves little purpose. I also would like to add my sister in law is not getting her cancer treatments because of this. I also know several people who are now unemployed and in jeopardy of losing their homes because for this. That is not ok either. I think those who were fortunate enough to remain employed while this is going on and don't have to live with being jobless or close to homelessness shouldn't judge others who are angry about the lockdown. I also think those who are lucky enough to not have a serious medical issue that needs treatment that they can't get treatment for while this is going on should not judge others for being upset with this lockdown. It's not that they think the virus is rubbish but they are living in peril in a whole other way because of the lockdown. (Dropping the mic .....)

somethingwicked's picture

Remdesivir is not a cure. As  a treatment  it is very promising at reducing  the time in hospital by 4 % for those hospitalized with covid 19 disease and requires 100 mgm intravenous dosing every day over a 10 day period following an initial loading dose of 200mgm.It is still in trials but green lighted for more patients to receive the medication originally developed to treat Ebola and MERS.

An anti viral  vaccine yet to be developed is the only promise of a cure. Studies are uncertain at this time that even with antibodies developed from exposure to Corona and resolution will grant permanent immunity.

I am so sorry that your sister in law cannot get her cancer treatment.

Since  she is not new to the therapy has she attempted to see if her doctor could arrange for her cancer treatment to be  given at home if she has an indwelling port for IV medication  and administered by an  intravenous therapy nurse ?

That is an option many hospitals employ as cancer patients are immuno-compromised  and even without the Corona virus/Covid 19 epidemic  cancer patients are prone or more easily  infected by opportunistic micro organisms/infectious disease in hospitals or community and should always adhere to protective measures including limited social exposure .  Home therapy has proven to be a  much safer alternative . Just a thought. Hoping the best for her and family.


tog redux's picture

My two oldest siblings think it's overblown nonsense, and one of them lives in NYC. The protestors think it's overblown nonsense, don't say they don't - they most certainly do, or they wouldn't be gathering in large groups.

Our president thinks it's overblown nonsense, as do several governors.

You aren't likely getting it at the supermarket, you are getting it from not social distancing and being around someone who has it, for a period of time.

Some people think the economy is more important than people's lives and don't know the facts.  Both are important. Why not reopen in a way that's safe for everyone, based on facts and not on someone's re-election hopes?  Many hospitals here are doing cancer and other treatments, that's not the same across the board.

And Remdesivir is hardly a cure.  Might want to read the news more carefully.


caitlinj's picture

Most people don't socially distance at Walmart's and other super markets. at least the ones I've been too. They almost always have way too many people in them, within a close distance of one another. Social distancing only works if everyone does it and millions of people are not, so the purpose is defeated completely. No one stated on here resdemivir was a cure but a treatment and a very good one from everything I have read (to the point of people being released from the hospital in a couple of days and drastically reducing the death rate by over 3/4). Please reread the above poster.

Sandybeaches's picture

I don't think this post and what you are describing is in comparison of what OP is talking about in regards to kids needing to see their friends.  First so sorry about your sister-in-law I hope she is able to get her treatment soon.  

Kids seeing their friends, going on spring break and packing parks and not wearing masks and distancing is a good share of why these rules were extended and more heavily enforced.  People needing treatments and needing to work valid, teenagers needing to see their friends doesn't even make the list!!!

Now whether one thinks the rules should be in place or not does not change the fact that they are.  Meaning hospitals have no visitation in place with no exceptions.  Personally I would not want to get the phone call that one of my famly members was gravely ill and I could not visit and they had to die alone.  That's the reality now and something for all the "no-social distancers and anti shut down people to chew on a bit before they think their braty a** teenager needs to have their friends over.  Too much catering to young people!!

advice.only2's picture

If this is what's going to push the two of you over the edge well then it's probably better to deal with that now rather than later.

Reality is we have all been exposed in someway, it's just a matter of whether or not you are going to get hit hard or be okay.

readingandlearning's picture

I agree. You can't run from it. Especially when they allow thousands to congregate at Walmart and other grocery stores daily. Lol. 

caitlinj's picture

They limit the number of people are the Walmart to 650. Lol. It's a joke. The social distancing inside is completely up to the customer to follow. Most do not.

somethingwicked's picture

People at Walmart are supposed to be practicing social distancing guidelines..staying apart at least 6 feet ,wearing masks ..using hand sanitizerand washing hands after their encounter in stores. People are not supposed to be out  shopping for groceries unprotected because that is ignorant, rude and dangerous to others and themselves.

Our local Walmart and grocery stores are actually counting the numbers entering and leaving and allowing only a set number in the stores at one time.

Like going some night clubs with a bouncer at the door to limit attendance and only VIP ..LOL

tog redux's picture

And most people aren't getting it from rolling by a COVID positive person in produce.  They are getting it at work, large gatherings, family members, friends they sit close to ...

markwvualum's picture

Do you think the majority of people at Walmart are really following social distancing guidelines? Lol.

Livingoutloud's picture

You can face time of Skype or zoom with your BF. His kids dont have to see their friends but you don't have to see your BF either 

Sandybeaches's picture

This is something for you to look at.  It is bigger than the current issue which now is the Pandemic and social distancing.  

Your BF picked the kids and the kids having friends visit over you.  This is likely to be a pattern and has set a precedent as to what your life will be should you make your BF into your DH.  This is big and not something to set aside. 

Not to mention it  doesn't sound like he sets any boundaries or guidelines for his kids and let me tell you that will be a huge problem later on.  What if you lived there? Would you be told the same thing?  He is also teaching his kids not to follow rules.  

No one likes it but for now these are the rules.  Even if our country is opened back up, that doesn't sound like the necessary social distancing.  

Doll3girls's picture

You are spot on! Thank you so much for confirming what I already know. He has told me numerous times he doesn't like telling his kids no. It's becoming more and more obvious. I love him dearly but you are so right on every level. Thank you for responding. 

Sandybeaches's picture

it is not easy to realize you might be in the wrong relationship or that your relationship needs some work.  It is nice to know that others support you and that is what is nice about this forum.  We get you and what you are going though.  While all of our specific situations are different we share the common bond that we are in relationships with partners with children and it can be somewhat difficult.  

Maybe when he mentions that it is hard to say no explain to him maybe explain the consequences of not saying no.  Take it from an empathetic approach.  Tell him we all hate to say no to our kids but we have to teach them no at home and that they have to follow rules.  It is necessary because if you don't and they go out into the world thinking they can do anything they want the world will teach them NO and their will be consequences for their actions and the world won't be quite as forgiving as he would have been at home.  I also can tell you from experience while my husband said no their mother never has and my step children are now adults suffering the consequence of never being taught no and the world and court system could not care less about them and their feelings!! 

Good luck to you!! 

Rags's picture

I'm on week nine of social distancing.  I go to the grocery every 2 weeks to top up on food and supplies.  I hit our local grocery store (a Texas chain) and Sam's.  Both limit access to about 10 carts (1 person per cart) every 10-15mins.  They have 6ft distancing waiting lines and sanitize the carts before giving it to the next customer for use.  I also tick three of the high risk categorization boxes.

My DW home officed for a few weeks but has returned to the office for the past few weeks.  She is in a designated critical industry.   There were a couple of battles at her office when coworkers brought in kids or a spouse that did not want to be at home. That ended and there are no outsiders including clients allowed in their offices.  Their software licensing only allows for a few remote access licenses and some things can only be done at the office.

The problem is that this virus does not only kill idiots.  Maintain your isolation from your idiot BF and hopefully.. .he, his kids and their friends will be at least a few of the idiots who survive this. Even if BF survives, find a BF who isn't an idiot.


markwvualum's picture

It seems everyone is going to get it, or has already had it, one way or another. Social distancing only buys time, if that even. We are fooling ourselves if we think we cannot get it or spread it if we continue to social distance. We also are kidding ourselves if we think this virus just got here. It didn't. It's been here since last November/December and the majority of us have probably already had it. We just didn't know it.

Rags's picture

I agree that it will be difficult to avoid catching and ultimately most will have it. It is also not a one and done disease.  Like the common cold, exposure to the virus does not create immunity.  An individual can catch it repeatedly.

Social distancing is about control of the rate of spread as to not overwhelm our healthcare infrastrusture.

It is responsible.

Sadly, as I said earlier, it does not only kill the idiots who downplay the risk.  Sure, it isnt the plague or Ebola. But... it is still a significant illness that can overwhelm global society.

If only it would selectively wipe out idiots who have no business existing in the first place.

Sandybeaches's picture

Social distancing should be here to stay in some form.  Crowds to the extreme without limitation should be a thing of the past for other reasons besides virus and diease.  There are way to many people packed in some venues and public places for not only virus reasons but for pure enjoyment of whatever you are attending.  Maybe things like concerts and shows when they return should be 2-3 nights instead of one.  This would not only stop the spread of the virus but make events more enjoyable.  

bananaseedo's picture

I think you have the perfect excuse to break up to be honest....consider his inability to say 'no' your wonderful freedom parting gift.

Yeah, for some reason here in the US it has become strictly bi-partisan issue, which is bizarre to me.

From the right, you have some who think it's all nonsense, do crowded protests, don't social distance and don't wear gloves/masks and calls those that disagree sheep. They also are believing some quack and two 'drs' that have been widely discredited from almost every other health expert/medical field out there.  Somehow they are loving these conspiracy theories though.  They say suicides will be higher then covid deaths (nonsense),  etc.

I personally don't know anyone from the left that believes as above, but I DO know some who do NOT practice social distancing and have large social/family gatherings.

Lately I've been horribly upset because I go to the grocery store and only 1/3 or less are wearing masks/gloves, and they are NOT respsecting the 6 ft rule.  I've had to ask 3 people in a day to please step back.  I'm about to by a fuc*ing tshirt w/that logo on both sides lol.