Update to "Christmas Disaster" Post
I thought I should create a new thread for the update. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply to a lot of you in my previous one. I was just very overwhelmed because there was a lot of replies and conversations between other members. But I did read everybody’s posts; even though there are some I disagree with. I discussed your ideas with hubby and left him to make his own decision.
Hubby came up with a compromise yesterday that the PS4 will become a family gift. He will be giving ss his money back and buying him 200 dollars worth of gifts. Honestly, this is money that we can’t really spare at the moment but we don’t really see a way around it. Of course ss isn’t happy with this. He threw an absolute tantrum. After he calmed down he asked for the 200 dollars in cash.
Hubby figured he would try to buy the ps4 himself for bm’s house. Hubby was not happy but was willing to do this if it made ss happy. But when he called bm, she just screamed at him saying that she would not be putting in any of her own money and that he had to provide the extra money to buy another ps4. She actually wants hubby to send her an additional 100 dollars to pay for a console that would stay at her house. If this was last year, hubby might have even said yes. But because of her recent court stunt hubby says it’s not financially possible right now.
She was screaming at him that she needs to find a way to return or sell the stuff she bought for ss. We were not even aware she had bought those things. How is that our fault? She could have at least texted hubby. She texts him about every other pointless thing anyway. Hubby even offers to pay for half the things she bought so ss can use them here. The stuff that hubby offered to buy back was used so it can’t be returned. The other stuff still had receipts. So in fact, bm would have been able to buy replacement gifts for ss. But she refused! Everything needs to be a conflict with her.
Then she says she will use the 200 dollars to buy ss some clothes instead. Therefore hubby does not want to send ss with that cash because bm will just use it for stuff that child support is for (we pay child support even though it’s 50/50 custody because of her lies). And after the stunt she pulled several months ago, he’ll be damned if his money will be used to buy stuff for her house. Now do you see why hubby refuses to give her anything extra?
Hubby tells ss he can buy anything he wants but it needs to stay at our house like we’ve always done. This news again makes ss furious. He says he doesn’t want anything now and that he has nothing at bm’s house too because it’s all for a ps4. Hubby desperately wants to tell him that bm is refusing sell some of her gifts to him and return the rest. But he doesn’t want to put ss in the middle anymore than he has. I personally think hubby should have told the truth.
Hubby tried to cheer up ss and get him to play the PS4 together. But ss didn’t even want to play anymore. bs also won’t play it because of the tension in the house. ss refused to join us for the new year’s party at hubby’s parents house. So only my bs and I went. It was so uncomfortable.
Last night hubby told me that he sat down with ss and came up with a solution that ss was somewhat ok with. That no one would use the ps4 unless ss was here, or unless he gave my bs permission to use it. Hubby confirmed if this was ok with me before he told ss and I said it was. I don’t need bs playing video games all the time anyway. Hubby also told him how constantly moving the ps4 could damage it (thanks for the this tip ladies).
In the end, ss grudgingly accepted. Then apparently he had a big breakdown and cried about how bm and hubby always fight. And how bm and hubby makes him feel bad for leaving stuff his school stuff in either house. It was quite emotional. Hubby didn’t tell me anymore than that. I saw him cry a bit this morning. I don’t think he realized how difficult the divorce would get for ss. He is planning to save for a third party mediator in order to fix things between bm. It’s clearly affecting ss more than we thought. Hopefully she will be open to the idea too.
This morning bs apologized to ss for fighting and ss gave him permission to use the ps4 for the weeks he isn't here (which will only be one hour on Wednesdays). So it’s not an ideal solution. But it’s the best we can do with our situation. We know bm will probably try to fill ss’s head with lies about hubby. She doesn’t realise that she has been pushing away her son at the same time.
ss left our house still upset. But at least he started talking to us a bit. Luckily bm’s mother came to pick up ss. Dealing with bm in addition to all this would been too much for hubby I think. We can probably expect a text blast from her today.
I know people will say that hubby should have just let ss take the ps4 back and forth to begin with. But with the way bm has acted before (leading to very serious financial trouble for us), hubby did not want her to benefit from any extra money from him. And knowing her, the ps4 would probably never make its way back here.
A lot of mistakes were made and we definitely learned something new. We didn’t even think that the situation would spiral out of control like this. All over a ps4.
Some people called my son lazy for not working I the summer. How dare you. You don’t know any of the story. He spent most of his summer keeping my father company. I lost my mother early 2015 and my father was lonely. My father gave him some money which my son saved up to buy a bike. The same bike that ss uses as well. I have been trying to avoid giving out so many personal details online but I feel compelled to.
And I need to address the “forced” sharing that some people were accusing me off. Do a lot of you not make your kids share? I “forced” my kid to share his bike that he bought with his own money, with ss. And by forced I mean I told him he had to. There was no arguing about it. And yes, ss has used the bike even when bs was grounded. But bs wasn’t upset about that. ss also shares all his stuff with bs, other than clothes. They may not be super close, but they are friends. Everyone in my family does this. And because we started early, we never had an issue with this system until this Christmas. ss was raised similarly before I was even in the picture. There is no exclusive ownership over material things in our households. That just seems incredibly selfish. Of course we take into account what the item actually is. But unless there is sentimental value attached, all their toys are to be shared.
And some people were saying that I didn’t care about ss as long as my bs was getting to use the ps4. And someone insinuated I would steal ss’ Christmas money. Why would you even say that? What a disgusting thought.
Nothing in my posts indicated that I hated ss. We may not have the best relationship, but we are working on it. Having ss happy means that my hubby is happy. I lost my first husband to cancer 3 years ago and my current husband has really saved me. I would never do anything to hurt him or his child.
I’m sorry the update was really long. I had a lot to get off my chest today. I am kind of sad that a lot of my post had to be for defending myself for things that were not even originally what I was worried about. hubby has gone to the mall to buy ss his gifts. Hopefully ss will like them next week.