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Update to "Christmas Disaster" Post

apples73's picture

I thought I should create a new thread for the update. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to reply to a lot of you in my previous one. I was just very overwhelmed because there was a lot of replies and conversations between other members. But I did read everybody’s posts; even though there are some I disagree with. I discussed your ideas with hubby and left him to make his own decision.

Hubby came up with a compromise yesterday that the PS4 will become a family gift. He will be giving ss his money back and buying him 200 dollars worth of gifts. Honestly, this is money that we can’t really spare at the moment but we don’t really see a way around it. Of course ss isn’t happy with this. He threw an absolute tantrum. After he calmed down he asked for the 200 dollars in cash.

Hubby figured he would try to buy the ps4 himself for bm’s house. Hubby was not happy but was willing to do this if it made ss happy. But when he called bm, she just screamed at him saying that she would not be putting in any of her own money and that he had to provide the extra money to buy another ps4. She actually wants hubby to send her an additional 100 dollars to pay for a console that would stay at her house. If this was last year, hubby might have even said yes. But because of her recent court stunt hubby says it’s not financially possible right now.

She was screaming at him that she needs to find a way to return or sell the stuff she bought for ss. We were not even aware she had bought those things. How is that our fault? She could have at least texted hubby. She texts him about every other pointless thing anyway. Hubby even offers to pay for half the things she bought so ss can use them here. The stuff that hubby offered to buy back was used so it can’t be returned. The other stuff still had receipts. So in fact, bm would have been able to buy replacement gifts for ss. But she refused! Everything needs to be a conflict with her.

Then she says she will use the 200 dollars to buy ss some clothes instead. Therefore hubby does not want to send ss with that cash because bm will just use it for stuff that child support is for (we pay child support even though it’s 50/50 custody because of her lies). And after the stunt she pulled several months ago, he’ll be damned if his money will be used to buy stuff for her house. Now do you see why hubby refuses to give her anything extra?

Hubby tells ss he can buy anything he wants but it needs to stay at our house like we’ve always done. This news again makes ss furious. He says he doesn’t want anything now and that he has nothing at bm’s house too because it’s all for a ps4. Hubby desperately wants to tell him that bm is refusing sell some of her gifts to him and return the rest. But he doesn’t want to put ss in the middle anymore than he has. I personally think hubby should have told the truth.

Hubby tried to cheer up ss and get him to play the PS4 together. But ss didn’t even want to play anymore. bs also won’t play it because of the tension in the house. ss refused to join us for the new year’s party at hubby’s parents house. So only my bs and I went. It was so uncomfortable.

Last night hubby told me that he sat down with ss and came up with a solution that ss was somewhat ok with. That no one would use the ps4 unless ss was here, or unless he gave my bs permission to use it. Hubby confirmed if this was ok with me before he told ss and I said it was. I don’t need bs playing video games all the time anyway. Hubby also told him how constantly moving the ps4 could damage it (thanks for the this tip ladies).

In the end, ss grudgingly accepted. Then apparently he had a big breakdown and cried about how bm and hubby always fight. And how bm and hubby makes him feel bad for leaving stuff his school stuff in either house. It was quite emotional. Hubby didn’t tell me anymore than that. I saw him cry a bit this morning. I don’t think he realized how difficult the divorce would get for ss. He is planning to save for a third party mediator in order to fix things between bm. It’s clearly affecting ss more than we thought. Hopefully she will be open to the idea too.

This morning bs apologized to ss for fighting and ss gave him permission to use the ps4 for the weeks he isn't here (which will only be one hour on Wednesdays). So it’s not an ideal solution. But it’s the best we can do with our situation. We know bm will probably try to fill ss’s head with lies about hubby. She doesn’t realise that she has been pushing away her son at the same time.

ss left our house still upset. But at least he started talking to us a bit. Luckily bm’s mother came to pick up ss. Dealing with bm in addition to all this would been too much for hubby I think. We can probably expect a text blast from her today.

I know people will say that hubby should have just let ss take the ps4 back and forth to begin with. But with the way bm has acted before (leading to very serious financial trouble for us), hubby did not want her to benefit from any extra money from him. And knowing her, the ps4 would probably never make its way back here.

A lot of mistakes were made and we definitely learned something new. We didn’t even think that the situation would spiral out of control like this. All over a ps4.

Some people called my son lazy for not working I the summer. How dare you. You don’t know any of the story. He spent most of his summer keeping my father company. I lost my mother early 2015 and my father was lonely. My father gave him some money which my son saved up to buy a bike. The same bike that ss uses as well. I have been trying to avoid giving out so many personal details online but I feel compelled to.

And I need to address the “forced” sharing that some people were accusing me off. Do a lot of you not make your kids share? I “forced” my kid to share his bike that he bought with his own money, with ss. And by forced I mean I told him he had to. There was no arguing about it. And yes, ss has used the bike even when bs was grounded. But bs wasn’t upset about that. ss also shares all his stuff with bs, other than clothes. They may not be super close, but they are friends. Everyone in my family does this. And because we started early, we never had an issue with this system until this Christmas. ss was raised similarly before I was even in the picture. There is no exclusive ownership over material things in our households. That just seems incredibly selfish. Of course we take into account what the item actually is. But unless there is sentimental value attached, all their toys are to be shared.

And some people were saying that I didn’t care about ss as long as my bs was getting to use the ps4. And someone insinuated I would steal ss’ Christmas money. Why would you even say that? What a disgusting thought.

Nothing in my posts indicated that I hated ss. We may not have the best relationship, but we are working on it. Having ss happy means that my hubby is happy. I lost my first husband to cancer 3 years ago and my current husband has really saved me. I would never do anything to hurt him or his child.

I’m sorry the update was really long. I had a lot to get off my chest today. I am kind of sad that a lot of my post had to be for defending myself for things that were not even originally what I was worried about. hubby has gone to the mall to buy ss his gifts. Hopefully ss will like them next week.

hereiam's picture

Thanks for the update. I think your hubby is handling it the best that he can, given the situation, which NOBODY knows better than you.

smomofone's picture

What I got out of matter how much op and dh fked up, they won't swallow their pride because they don't want to give bm anything extra. To the point they rather spend more money to buy extra gifts, money they don't have because it's bms fault.

They suggested to bms about buying some of the gifts she bought for the kid so he can use them at their house, and she refused.... I wonder why...but bm is the bad person because of how awful she is...I am rolling my eyes way too much as I type this.

Ss still gave permission to bs to use the ps4 while he is away...either ss is a saint or its the force sharing again.

Op is ss still getting his money back and the $200 in gifts?

WTF...REALLY's picture

Just my opinion, BM should have zero to do with DHs house for presents. And OP proved her point about BM.

BM home, BM Christmas. DH home, DH Christmas.

smomofone's picture

I don't see how it's terrible either. I get separating everything in both households. But in my opinion sometimes it is just out of being petty.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Blending a family is the hardest thing I have ever done. It's is very complicated. I had to learn the hard way that SD should not take presents back and forth. When we lived near BM, we got SD a computer. Within 2 months BM sold it and kept the money. I was shocked to say the least. And BM has taken money from SD that we or other family members gave her. So I get it.

I really hope both you and your hubby give SS a big hug and say sorry. It's not his fault his life is like this, however he is the one paying. As dose my SD.

Happy New Years.

WTF...REALLY's picture

It is that way for us. Things had to stop going back and forth. We have to deal with "one of those BMs"

The stealing, stabby type.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I get what your saying HRNYC. But if BM has taught them not to trust her, then it is what it is.

My son can take his stuff back and forth but we learned SD can't. Not because of SD, but because of her mom.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I am curious, do you think it is ok for the BM to keep the accessories at her home (see where the BM did not want those items going to DH house) ? And to decide that the 200 SHE would use to buy clothes. All of that you found no issue with?

smomofone's picture

In my opinion, I don't see anything wrong with bm not wanting the accessories going to dad's house, why would she, dad isn't affording her the same trust. It's so unfortunate the parents can't play nice for the sake of the kids. Bm is wrong if she wants to use the money to buy clothes for him. Ss should be able to buy whatever he wants with it.

notarelative's picture

This is a mess and it's one that SS will not forget.
Both DH and you and BM contributed but since DH and you started this particular mess, you will get the blame.

Consider putting SS into counseling as it may be helpful for him in dealing with this. Doing some family counseling may be helpful for your family in going forward.

WTF...REALLY's picture

You did catch that BM doesn't want the items she got SS going to DHs house. And, that she would use the 200 as funds for her to buy clothes.

Obviously the BM and DH need to have clear boundaries. It's not a competitive situation. With these types of situations, you really need to think it all out before buying big gifts that a child helps to pay for. Blended family complications.

They see they messed up, They are trying to fix it. No reason to call her dumb. Unnecessary low blow.

WTF...REALLY's picture

My guess is he was telling her how he was addressing the situation.

Here is why I get it.

If my SD help to pay for a gift with hard earned money and we contributed to the gift as well, it still would not go to BMs home. She taught us it simply can't go to her home. When we stopped letting things go back and forth, BM threw a fit, as did SD. But we were sick of things disappearing.

SD now fully gets it. It's a rule we put in place to protect the thing we bought and we would do it in a heartbeat to protect the things SD may buy. SD learned she even had to hide her cash from her mom.

Sometimes it is the best you can you. Blending families sucks donkey balls.

notsobad's picture

I think this is more about it NOT going to BMs than about Her son having it to play.

DH is adamant that BM not getting anything extra. That's why he won't send cash, BM said she'd buy clothes with it.

He is putting his hatred of his exwife ahead of his love for his son. Exactly what we accuse greedy CS seeking BMs of.

notsobad's picture

The rules came after the fact. SS thought that because he'd help pay for it it was his and the no back and forth rule didn't apply.

Yes, he was wrong but he's 11. The parents are the ones in the wrong here, for not making sure that the rules were clear before giving the gift.

smomofone's picture

Dh could have just said your ps4 stays here and that is all. All of this would have been avoided. The money back and extra 200 bucks would not be given. His gift stays at his dads. The only reason to make it a family gift is so the bio son can use it.

smomofone's picture

I don't see where you get that conclusion of them wanting to justify spending another $200 on the kid. If anything OP has said they can't afford it. The only reason to that ps4 would need to be a family gift is so that her kid has a say in using it.

Idk how these people are irl but if she is anything like my exsm. Her kid will be on that thing whenever she let's him, regardless of ss "permitting" him to play on it or not. She can say she is strict and what not just like I can say I am the queen of England lol

Disneyfan's picture

From the very beginning dad should have said the game stays here and the OP's son can't touch it when his kid isn't there.

BM should not had purchased stuff for the Playstation because she knew the no back and forth rule was in place.

The OP should not have purchased Playstation for her kid because she (and he) knes that it was a gift for dad's son. I'm pretty sure dad didn't run out and buy his son bike gear when the OP's used his money to buy a bike.

notsobad's picture

"Because the kid threw such a shitty fit that he's getting $200 worth in NEW PRESENTS, plus the gaming system to play on every other week, PLUS his money back. All things considered, the kid is making out like a bandit"

Don't you see that none of that matters. It's not about the THINGS or even the money.
It's that he helped pay for something, received it, thought it was his but NO. His stepbrother informs him that he can't take it, it's staying here. And then the adults say Yep, it's yours but it's staying here and your stepbrother gets to play it.

He threw the fit because he found out that the one thing he wanted for Xmas, had saved for and thought he'd gotten was being taken back!

I bet he couldn't give 2 s$*ts about the $200 worth of crap he's going to get as a replacement.

smomofone's picture

OPs son gets to "share" while ss gets his gift taken away and made into a family gift....hmmmm...where is that tea drinking Kermit meme.....

LAMomma's picture

It is one sided.. since her son lives there 100% of the time he's sharing HIS stuff majority of the time since we're making assumptions left and right here.

twopines's picture

>>>How is he losing anything?<<<

The kid has probably lost trust in his father. But as long as the kid gets cashed out, all is well, yes?

notsobad's picture

Thanks for the update.
I know lots of the posts on here have been harsh but I do hope you understand that most of us just wanted you to realize that this is about more than a gaming system.
It's about the trust this 11 year old has in his Dad and you.

"Then she says she will use the 200 dollars to buy ss some clothes instead. Therefore hubby does not want to send ss with that cash because bm will just use it for stuff that child support is for (we pay child support even though it’s 50/50 custody because of her lies). And after the stunt she pulled several months ago, he’ll be damned if his money will be used to buy stuff for her house. Now do you see why hubby refuses to give her anything extra?"

This says to me that it's more important that BM get the point that she isn't entitled to anything extra, than SS getting a gift that he helped pay for.

Your DH is proving that his hatred of his exwife is stronger than his love for his son.

IF this was really about his son, he would have let the game go to her house. So what if he's paid for something that SS will enjoy at BMs house, it's about SS having the gift that he helped buy.

notsobad's picture

No she's not. BM is the reason that the game was staying at DHs house.

DH made the present a family gift because he doesn't want BM to benefit from his gift. He doesn't want his son playing it at her house, or having it get left at her house.
Which would be fine if SS hadn't put any money into the gift or if SS understood that it was staying there from the beginning.
But he didn't. SS thought it was his to do with as he pleased.

He is letting his hatred of BM override his love of his son.

LAMomma's picture

There are a lot of assumptions in the last and this thread. It's crazy.

We have the same rule for our household. We do it because quite honestly it's not fair for my kids whom live here majority of the time to constantly have to share their toys/items but SD's get to take their stuff back to their Mom's and we'd never see it again but yet when they come here fully expect to play with what's here.

All the kids know the rules. My bios also know the rule because we practice the same with their Dad too. His stuff stays there and ours stays here for both parties. I find it quite funny that the posters bio son knew the rules beforehand and stated them to SS. This leads me to believe it was known, he just didn't want to follow it.

LAMomma's picture

What does it matter that his Dad is dead and lives there full time? SS freely uses his stuff when he's there. I'm guessing 90% of the stuff they use at that house belongs to her son versus the SS. I know in our household that's how it is. We only get the girls every other weekend, holidays and a week on week off during summers so they really don't have a lot here besides Birthday and Christmas gifts.. Everything else is stuff my own children have collected over the years.

They've only been married a year but who knows how long they were together prior. Also poster said they practiced Christmas the same way last year with gifts staying at their house.

LAMomma's picture

Just like SS has use of her son's things.. Like the bike she stated. Oh but I guess that's different because it doesn't fit with your cause.

Disneyfan's picture

I'm all for tbe no back and forth rule. We had the same policy when ex and I were together.

However, OP's blogs have me rethinking that. Should the rule be enforced when the kids use their money to purchase (or help purchase ) an item? :? :?

notsobad's picture

That's the thing I keep going back to.
SS worked for it and obviously thought It was his to do with as he chose.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I still like the idea of the 200.00 be a gift certificate from the gaming store. My son would love that! 200 in games is awesome. OP, have you and DH talked about that?

LAMomma's picture

Figured I'd chime in, I think your solution is fair and support you 100%. Ignore the people who feel the need to troll this thread and cut you down.. We don't know the whole situation or back story. I find it crazy how people are so quick to judge with so little information. Hope it all works out!

lintini's picture

Wow I had a lot of catching up to do!

If you sign up that PS4 for the online portion and purchase/download games ...DO NOT save your credit card information on it. SS14 ran up BM's credit card $6,000 bucks over the summer. But I think she's a certain kind of special that would trust her son with her credit card. Just my usual public service announcement when I read anything on here about PS4/Xbox stuff.

Now with all this PS4 talk I really want to go over the my brothers house and play Star Wars Batttlefront Smile lol

LAMomma's picture

This is laugh worthy. Seriously? Mom getting 100% custody because the kid didn't get his way? Sheesh.. Get over it and move on.

smomofone's picture

Seams to me they are both petty. Mom and dad. Poor kid. His got his work cut out for him with two parents who focus on hating each other more than they love their son

LAMomma's picture

You're calling them horrible parents because of this one thing? I seriously doubt you're a perfect parent yourself and haven't screwed up before. Everyone has AND will. Crap happens.. you deal with it and move on which they're doing.

LAMomma's picture

Why should SHE do anything? She's made it very clear from her postings that it's up to her husband and HE is handling the situation. The only thing she seems to be doing is relaying the information here but he seems to be taking the lead.

LAMomma's picture

I don't know nor care what you've done to your children. She was posting here asking for advice. You could've stated your opinion and left it at that. Instead you sit here among others and try to rip into her, insult her, etc. It's quite pathetic.

goldieRet's picture

Sorry, I was reading through the thread and I saw this. Are there certain words we cannot use on this site? I wanted to create a post but I wanted to be sure. Could you direct me to the rules? I am new. Thank you Smile

WTF...REALLY's picture

Step life does suck. I have ended up being SDs primary parent up until very recently. BM is a loser of the biggest proportions and hubby was still learning what real parenting is.

Step life doesn't suck due to my parenting. I will say with utter confidence that parenting is something I am good at. I have a very successful 22 year old, a very successful 16 year old and, with my parenting, SD is on honor roll this year for the first time.

Still, step life sucks. It's an odd combination of caring and trying to balance life with kid/ kids that are not your own . And parents in another household with different views and morals.

The joy for this SS is now he has a game machine, 160 cash to buy games and hopefully the ability to spend the 200 as he sees more games. Should this happen, he got more out of the solution. Win win in my book.

And hugs.....give this kid a bunch of hugs. Smile

notarelative's picture

I re-read this and now I am getting hung up on the bike share. Two kids - one bike. One kid there full time - who earned the bike. The other kid -50% - who gets to share.

Exactly how do you share a bike? Only one kid can ride at a time. If bs and as are friends, as is said at the top of this thread, they should be able to ride together. Not one kid watching while the other kid rides. Maybe part of ss makeup present should be a bike that he can ride.

If both kids were yours they would each have their own bike.

Disneyfan's picture

Kinda funny you posted this. How many SMs with full time SKs due to BM's death, vent about their SKs being there all the time? No one labels those SMs (or the ones who agree with them as heartless).

Disneyfan's picture

Regardless of why thr kid is there full time (death or deadbeat), the kid will have more access to the game than SS. Not mean, just facts

IF the OP is the type of BM who is looking to make her new husband her kid's new daddy, the whole Christmas 2015 saga will really create issues for those boys. The SS might start to think that the OP's kid gets his dad and his game full time.

Disneyfan's picture

I wrote IF in caps because we have no idea if that's the type of mom she is or not.

If a SM posted this exact story about a BM and received the same responses, most wouldn't bat an eye.

Why should posters responses/opinions change simply because the person they feel messed up/is wrong happens to be a SM?

TinyDancer's picture

luci, you need to look up at the left hand side of the site. This isn't a shove sunshine up your arse and out comes rainbows site, this is for venting. You want support, there are plenty of other sites you could go to. that said, i am curious, how is it that you've become apples spokesperson? if she wants to explain further, she knows how, else we are all free to speculate on the situation as presented.

still learning's picture

OP, there seems to be a handful of posters here that have unresolved issues from childhood. Someone smashed their sandcastle and they are still p*ssed, just ignore them. I applaud you and DH for actually parenting your sons and coming to a livable solution for the entire family. Blending is never easy and often it just doesn't happen. You'll all make mistakes but it sounds like you and DH are on the same page and willing to work things through. The boys need a strong parental front. They don't call the shots and neither does BM.

I understand the "what's bought here stays here" rule. Expensive items going back and forth between divorced homes when the kids are minors usually does not work. I made that mistake years ago in the co-parenting journey only to have exH using and downloading his own music onto an ipod I bought my son. Gift cards, money and anything exH could intercept and use for himself he would. Guess he felt that he deserved it since he paid child support.

Best of luck "blending" in the new year!

ps. Don't feed the trolls.

TinyDancer's picture

Could it be that he just thought it was going to be his. Paid for and gifted. His own to do with as his wanted. Makes sense. What didn't make sense was SM buying her son a game for something that isn't his. Trying to blame BM, that doesn't work either. Enforced sharing, just going to lead to major resentment.

It's not fair. No amount of spinning is going to change that. BM is the one telling the story, this is the result of what she considers her version. Get the kid another game system and apologize for screwing with his head. Maybe you'll have learned a lesson from all of this. That kid surely did.

wontsteponme's picture

Oh my goshhh, the child centric bullcrap needs to just stop. This kid is getting everything that he wants.. and MORE!

This kid knew the rules from the get go about items not going to BM's. It is the CHILD'S fault for making assumptions, when he already knew the rules. Dad put in more than half of HIS own money, so dad gets half say so. The child moaned and complained that he wouldn't be able to take this PS4 to BM's knowing darn well what the rule was. (when he should've been grateful he got one at all!!) So Dad, being a spineless, no ball having, manbaby, didn't want to hurt this little child's fee fees, said he would give the child his money back, buy him $200 worth of more gifts, AND still allow SS to control who plays on the PS4. So it is still technically SS's gift. He gets back his hard earned money, gets to keep the PS4 that he wanted, use his hard earned money to buy ANOTHER big gift, while his father is also getting him $200 worth of more gifts. While OP's son gets stuck with a measly one game for the PS4. I think we can all see who gets worshipped in this household. Although I do agree it was wrong of OP to give her son a gift for someone else's present. If anything, her son is the one that got screwed over here.

So what if OP's son gets to play on it for ONE HOUR, ONE DAY a week? SS gets to ride the BS's bike that BS paid for ALL BY HIMSELF. While SS has no money towards this PS4 because he's getting his money back. This is something all kids need to be raised doing, forced to share. No wonder kids are entitled little brats these days.

Dad has every right not to send that $200 with SS. But that doesn't mean he's controlling what SS gets to spend it on. SS can still spend that money while he's at dad's house. He doesn't have to take it to BM's house. BM also has NO say so on how that $200 is spent. It's Christmas money for SS. BM knew the rules that were implemented; no items exchanged between households. She also enforced that rule herself. So it is her fault that she bought gifts to go with the PS4. That doesn't make sense, since SS can't use those accessories because he can't take them to dad's nor can the PS4 go to BM's. The gifts are pointless and she "ruined" his Christmas even more than Dad by giving him useless gifts. And to have the gall to ask for $100 MORE! Disgusting.

In the end, this kid is a spoiled little brat that is getting everything that he wants and more. A PS4 (that he still gets to control who uses it as if it were completely his own), his money back to spend on ANOTHER big gift, an extra $200!! Somebody needs to teach this kid to be grateful.

still learning's picture

"A PS4 (that he still gets to control who uses it as if it were completely his own)"

Exactly, it's technically not a family gift if ss gets to control who uses it and when. I'm guessing that this lordship over the ps4 by ss will not last long since it will create more long term issues than the short term solution of assuaging ss's feelings. Trying to be completely fair to each kid, both the same age, with BM in the background and guilt all around is going to be tough. Divorced Disney dad and orphaned by dad child issues; both parents have a rough road ahead, 7 rough years at the least. Rules will need to be changed and adjusted in the future with will likely lead to another ss meltdown. Parents gotta parent though and can't just give in because their kids might get upset.

wontsteponme's picture

No, she said BS has to ask SS permission to use it. BS gets no control at all. SS has full control.

twoviewpoints's picture

I warned OP in the original post of this that mistake #2 was on it's way. I guess she/Dad decided not to think it all through yet once again.

Seems these two parents are bound and determined to mess with these two young boys. I believe this is why HRNYC keeps pressing counseling. Both of these children are being caught in the midst of two adults who don't seem to have a clue about blending their family, seeing things as two 11yr olds see and feel things or what's either child are having to try to adjust and adapt to.

still learning's picture

From what I'm reading it's mainly the DH who is parenting his 11 yr old as if he's the only child in the home. OP and her son are dealing with the aftermath and bowing out to avoid more ss meltdowns. OP's son now has to ask ss to use the "family Christmas gift" which creates a bs vs. ss power struggle. Lots of fights and resentment to come over this, I'm sure. agree with HRNIA that they could use family therapy because there will be more Christmases, birthdays, and *gasp* sharing issues in the future.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

The boys are both still a bit young but very soon they will assert themselves more. This is when there will be major issues with forced sharing.

I still think it was a BIG mistake to take SS's Xmas gift back from him. This is what he really wanted and contributed his own $$ for.

The SS has very little control over his life now - shuffling back and forth between 2 homes is hard for kids. This gaming system is something he wanted to take charge of and control. It is symbolic in some ways.

wontsteponme's picture

Exactly!! OP's son is the one that got screwed over royally here. He was given a game for someone else's gift that he can only use for one hour a week, that is IF SS gives him permission to use it, while his stepbrother was given an awesome expensive gaming system and is GETTING MORE. Don't spend the $200 on an ungrateful little brat like SS. Spend it on the BS who deserves it. Being a COD is no excuse for this child's behavior. Heck, OP's son lost his father a couple years ago. You don't see him acting so entitled. He was happy about getting one measly game.

RedRedVines's picture

So...are you joking? SS works all summer to get a great christmas gift. Maximizes the value of tbe gift by planning ahead and asking for accessories to the gift from BM family members. Told that he can now use the gift only 50% of the time and family members gifts are now useless. Meanwhile OP DS did jack squat to earn money, but gets access to the gift SS worked to buy and an additional $200 in presents, plus all of his presents from extended family. Sounds like OP's DS made out like a bandit.

To sum up, SS worked hard only to get 50% access to his gifts, and a bunch of useless presents from the other side of his family. DS worked not at all but has 100% access to his christmas presents, including what he got from friends and family, and half usage of a pricey console that SS pretty much has to let him use due to forced sharing.

LAMomma's picture

Perhaps you didn't read..

- It was HIS mistake for bringing BM into a gift that was at his DAD's, paid for majority by his DAD. BM has no place in it.

- Do you really think BM was going to let it travel back and forth if she's stating she will take $200 if they give cash and just buy him clothes instead? So either way he'd be stuck using it 50% of time no matter where the thing goes.

- Her son DID earn money. He chose to buy a bike with his profits and paid for the whole bike himself.

- Funnily enough, SS has access to said above bike which was paid for by her son FULLY.

LAMomma's picture

And? Are you seriously nit picking and being that petty where you want them to sit there and account for every second someone else gets to use the others stuff? Wow.

So if I understand your theory correctly you want both boys to have their own stuff and neither of them touch/play with the others stuff. So basically SS goes over, gets to play the PS4 for the allotted time limit then plays with a very limited amount of things he has there more than likely and once he gets bored with that he can just sit on the floor and stare at the wall for the remainder because how dare they have to share or use each others things.

RedRedVines's picture

Haha, didn't OP say that DS "earned" money by hanging out with his grandpa? Sign me up for that gig, please! Also just because SS has access to a bike doesn't mean he is going to ride it. All kids in my house have bikes, it's been over a year since any of them were used. So is the fact that DS has access to an expensive console he is dying to use made even by the fact SS has access to a bike he may not ever use? Nah.

BM and DH clearly have a messed up relationship. Who knows what she really said or how that convo went down. Also why was DH even offering her SS's money? You give the kid $360 to game stop and he does more chores to make up the money to buy another console. Better yet, since neither DH nor BM can be trusted with money, have DH's parents hold the money until SS has enough for the console. At this point I have a feeling they are the only adults who have SS's best interests at heart.

LAMomma's picture

His grandfather gave him money as a gift. Some of SS's money ALSO came from gifts if you read the original post. He did not work for the entire portion of the $160. I think she stated only $60 came from work related projects and the rest was gift money from various sources.

It doesn't matter if he is going to ride it or not. You're trying to say he's lazy, didn't work towards anything, blah blah blah. He just chose to spend his money in a different way which SS still gains from like he would gain from the PS4.

RedRedVines's picture

"In summer, we made a deal with both boys that every time they mowed the lawn and did the weeding, we would give them 2 dollars. Only ss took advantage of this and by the end of summer, he had earned almost 60 dollars. He also made another 100 dollars from hubby’s parents by helping them out too and from gifts".

Im glad I read that again. SS weeded and mowed the lawn almost 30 times! Around here paying someone to mow the lawn is $20 a pop. True we dont know how much of the other hundred was gift vs earnings, but now that I'm reading this again, OP and DH keep ripping this little boy off. If I was SS and OP/DH made any more oh so generous work offers I would say no thanks.

Mowing the lawn 30 times vs chilling with grandpa and getting money - yep, I didn't explicitly say it before but compared to SS, DS comes off lazy.

twoviewpoints's picture

Don't downplay what the child has done for the newly widowed and lost/lonely grandfather. I'm sure there were times the kid would have rather been swimming or playing with young friends. The gift of son's time and attention I'm sure were and are priceless and precious to the older man. I doubt the child expected grandpa to reward the kid with money. That the man appreciated the kid's efforts and gave kid the money for a bike shouldn't be held against the kid.

With that said, the BS should not e forced to 'share' his reward unless he wants to share. He earned to bike. Just like SS earned $60 for yard work at Dad's. SS also earned chore money at his grandparents and then got some gift cash on top of it.

Where it all went wrong was when SS's father got stupid and made a 'deal' with SS to pool kid's money in with what should not of had anything to do with the kid's money... the kid's Christmas present. Who in the h*ll has a kid pay for part of their own Christmas present ??? Never should have happened.

notsobad's picture

Nope, BS got the one game to be played on SSs gift plus $200 in other gifts.
SS only got the game system.

Now that the game is for the family, they are giving SS his $160 investment in his present back and buying him $200 worth of stuff he doesn't want (yes, that's my presumption because it seems that he only asked for the system and things related to it.)

SS isn't ungrateful. He contributed to his gift and it got clawed back because the parents didn't make the rules clear.

notsobad's picture

Many people have already said that SS needs to get over it, that he knew the rule of not taking things to BMs was in place and that the only reason DH is rethinking the whole thing is because SS threw a fit.
There was even a post saying that SS was making out like a bandit!

moeilijk's picture

What a fuss.

1. Remind BS that he is a child and not the parent, rules are made by and enforced by parents, not children.

2. Have DH apologize to SS for the upset and confusion.

3. PS4 stays with you, BS can play it *only* when SS is there and gives permission.
NB: Just like BS's bike. SS can *only* ride it when BS is there and gives permission. If he doesn't give permission, you can force sharing... but only if BS is there, right? So you can force SS to share his PS4, only if he is there to be forced.

4. None of this nonsense of involving BM or cash exchanges or new presents. Too bad that SS counted on the PS4 going back and forth. Obviously he really believed that would be the case, but if you guys have always had the rule of things not going back and forth, and you didn't discuss it all with him, then he just made a wrong assumption.