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*Update* BM still trying to get into SS6 counseling sessions

Thursdaysarethebestdays's picture

We got the report from the social study back yesterday.

Social Worker insists "BM should be available to participate in SS6 counseling at therapist discretion".

BM tried yelling at DH about not consulting with BM, he put her in her place.
BM tried yelling at counselor about not consulting with BM, the counselor put her in her place.

Basically, DH has right to consent, not required to consult.

Details here in previous post:

BM went to the only person that seems to actually buy into her load of crap and got the social worker to put this crap into the social study report.

How many times do we have to tell BM and social worker that we pay for SS6 to go to counseling, alone, with therapist, without DH, without SS8, without me, ALONE.

The counselor has told DH the following things:
-we need to get a pet
-SS6 does not have ADHD
-counselor has concerns about some of SS6 reports about movie/video game choices at BM house
-SS6 thinks BM is awkward in her interaction with SS6 and SS8 (she didn't say awkward, but that's the gist of it)

Other than that, DH sits in the waiting room and lets SS6 have his time with the counselor. If DH wants to talk to counselor, he pays a copay and goes in for his own appointment at which time he can share his concerns. Even then, the counselor doesn't "spill the beans" about SS6 sessions, it's a session for DH.

The counselor told BM she was welcome to come in and do the same. WHAT MORE DOES BM WANT?!?!?

Thursdaysarethebestdays's picture

I don't even see how that could possibly happen. The counselor made it very clear BM can pay the fee to have a one on one session. SS6 sessions aren't a family session or even a daddy/son session. If this were family counseling I'd understand BM argument. If DH received a report on each session from the counselor, then I'd understand BM argument. As it stands, neither of these is the case. BM needs to go sit on a tack.

The real issue here is that the counselor is getting an honest picture of everything out of the mouth of a 6 year old and BM can't coach SS because she has no knowledge of the questions that will be asked.

Truth be told, SS could be in with the counselor each week ranting and raving about how terrible DH and I are. He could be claiming all sorts of horrible conditions at home and all kinds of craziness and there is nothing we can do about it. Even though neither of these things would be true, we don't try to sway his attitude/thoughts about the sessions and we don't even ask what they talk about, except to ask if he still feels "good" and "safe" about going.

BM just wants to be able to control the outcome.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Bm feels out of control and threathen because she has no idea what ss6 may say. Thats what happens when you seperate the manipulator from the person they are manipulating. They freak. The counselor will see right through this. It may take awhile for ss6 to be deprogram from all BM manipulating but as the sessions go on with a good counselor they will be able to help. Don't stop going.

Thursdaysarethebestdays's picture

Wow you really had to explain that to SO? Thankfully DH had that part straight from the very beginning. He paid his copay to share his concerns initially and hasn't had a session since that time.
It sucks though that they are using these things (counseling/behavior issues) to act out their issues with one another. I'm no expert on coparenting by any means (I say our house, our business, BM house, her business) but I imagine it can't be good for SS to have SO and BM going at it constantly. Have they tried communicating by email only? Sometimes an email gives you time to calm down because it takes more time to state your claim compared to just talking/arguing. I'd guess it might also help because you have to see all the nasty things you write so BM/DH might think twice about things they say.

I know you weren't looking for advice, well at least I don't think you were, but it sounds like SS is getting he short end of the stick here. It also seems like you're frustrated too. Hope it gets better

Thursdaysarethebestdays's picture

I've not even thought about it in terms of manipulation. You're right!

We have every intention of continuing. Only a court order would stop us at this point!