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Update BF wants to work at my place of employment

Cookieboom's picture


Update to my BF announcing that he wants to work IT at my hospital.

I thought we were done talking about it.  Guess not!  He picked me up last week and came inside to greet me, and as we were leaving he decided to stop by the Director of IT’s office.  I thought he stopped by to say hi (He met the director at some conference when we began dating).

They had some small talk, then he got a sh*t eating grin and said, “I know you’re not hiring but I’m going to put this out anyway and let you know I’d love to work here (Then started talking about his credentials).  I was floored and was immediately angry.  The director told him that they are not hiring, he would need certification, but they do hire part time in certain parts of the year but the money is very low….

We left and I calmly said I thought we would discuss your working here?  I told him that I worked my butt off to get to where I am here and I will not let BM ruin that. I told him how I feel like he is operating like a single man and not discussing things with me before making these decisions. 

I took your advice and asked him how he is going to protect me from visits from BM and is he ready to breakup if any of that happens? He then apologized and said he will not pursue the hospital. 

Survivingstephell's picture

I told you to ask him that.  Did he have any answers for that?   I'm curious about that since he has failed epically in the past.  He seems a bit selfish, ( I'm being generous) and immature to be in a relationship with you.   

JRI's picture

I'm getting thst same selfish immature vibe.  I also think there's something about all the BM/SK drama he enjoys.   Take care of yourself, Cookie.

Cookieboom's picture

He had no answer, just said he would not do it. For what I read from the director, he is not interested in hiring him.  Yes he can get selfish at times and seems to get competetive with BM....He can get his own job and not ride on my coattails.

Rags's picture

Working at the same employer brings all kinds of risk to a relationship.

Financial risk of having all of the household income eggs in one basket in this era of multiple incomes/careers.

Over integration between the partners.  When a partner is at your work, because it is also their work location, there are risks to TMI, performance competition if one partner gets a promotion, etc....  Even when they work in entirely different organizations at the company.

My DW and I have purposely avoided this.  I have had peers and even superiors ask me if my DW would be interested in a Finance/Acctg Sr. position at the company.  I of course let DW know, we discuss it, a very short discussion, she says "Tell them no thank you" and that topic is filed away until the next time it happens.

We will never say never, in the event there is the proverbial offer/situation we can't refuse, but we intend to maintain this course on working at the same employer.

Winterglow's picture

That was a truly crappy thing to do. He knew how you felt about the prospect of him working there but still went to the top to try and get a foot in the door. The worst of it is that he did that with you right there beside him so it looks as if you endorse his request!