Unappreciated Step Mom - Over It!
My situation is right off the bat two of the most entitled, selfish and ungrateful step daughters anyone could probably ever have. One is 14 and one is 12. The 14 year old is moody and rebellious. Doesn’t listen to anyone. The 12 year old has mini wife syndrome and competes with me for her dad at all times. My husband has guilty dad syndrome so lets them do whatever. He slept in the same room as his now 12 year old who sometimes wets the bed still until I told him you stop or I’m out. Of course I was wrong for even thinking it. He said he’ll sleep with his daughters until their 25 if he needs to. No signs of sexual misconduct or anything ever. Just a father obsessed with his daughters. She needs to be touching him at all times or sitting next to him or kissing him and “I love you daddy” a thousand times a day in a 2 year old voice. She still HAS to sit next to him at dinner, at the movies, in public once we’re done with eating if she isn’t sitting on lap she’ll go and sit on it..IN THE RESTAURANT!!! Hubby thinks all of this is ok. IF I say something “it’s just you” and “are you four”..UM NO is your daughter FOUR!?
Those girls came into my life when there were too young to remember so why the competition? I didn’t ruin their parent’s marriage or come between them. So I don’t get it.
He says he can’t discipline that much because he only has them part time. Ok, that’s the most delusional thing I’ve ever heard.
His 14 year old is so moody and out of control and ungrateful. He tried to take her phone once when she was doing bad things on it and she ghosted him for 3 months. We didn’t see her or talk to her for that long. So now SHE has control cause he’s afraid she’ll disappear.
My husband is very entitled so he of course has the same for his kids.
Their mom is a HOT MESS. She’s going her fourth marriage since I’ve known him. She was married once before him, cheated on that husband. Then married mine, had two kids with him and she cheated and left him. Then she married some older rich guy, was super established, the girls had a mansion in the best schools etc. and she cheated on him and left him for some other guy who’s she’s with now.
She moved the girls from her rich husband’s into a tiny townhome, lived there for a month and a half and moved in with her new guy which all of them now moved out of state.
I have always gone above and beyond for his kids. Have treated them better than my own (25 year old WONDERFUL daughter). Have created traditions, have done so many special things. Took them to Disney this year, etc.
I recently moved out of our home because of the issues with them. The constant feeling unappreciated, the constant me being a wicked step mom because I wanted to establish rules and boundaries and help him with the guilty dad and mini wife issues. The constant whenever his ex called and needed something him not being able to say no even if it interfered with our plans. The constant him putting his kids WHIMS and WANTS instead of their NEEDS over everything. The constant walking on egg shells in MY OWN HOME. Having to “be quiet” when there were sleeping till 1 in the afternoon because they were up till 4am.
She just moved them to another state and he didn’t try to stop her because her and his kids have always gotten away with whatever they want. She promised that they would be here for the holidays (which I told him to get in writing and he didn’t) and I knew that wouldn’t be held up. She lies about everything. So because they’re not coming for Thanksgiving my husband is like do you wanna fly there? UM NO. So you’re telling me now that you want to pay extra for a holiday flight to see your kids who pay no mind to me on top of the fact that she gets $800 monthly, has a mansion that is paid for, etc. but YOU want to HANDLE it because she lied to you AGAIN? NO!
Anyway, the reason I moved out is because his older daughter who is never happy said she wanted to move in with us. This was my final straw. I said no. You’re not going to have her come live here when it’s only been a month there. It’s not just giving in to whatever she wants whenever. Give her a chance to settle in. Then in a year see what happens. I said on top of that, I’m not going to deal with the issues that we had part time, full time. So if she’s going to live here, I’m out. He said I choose her. What do you want me to do? I said you’re choosing her WHIM and WANT of the moment instead of a NEED. She is living in a MANSION in a palm tree’s area and she’s complaining? Like COME ON. Get a freakin GRIP!
So we went back and forth. I already had one foot out the door but we got into an argument about it, I said that’s it’s I’m moving, I want to be alone and he pushed me. Really hard to where I was bruised and almost broke my wrist. So that was it. I packed up and moved within a week.
SO his job went on strike and he was homeless so I let him stay there. Now he’s there and guess what? Still same issues because I’m super hurt that his daughters haven’t even take a second to message me or reach out to me or my daughter who was so good to them also! He’s like you can reach out to which I did once or twice but they barely respond. PLUS they are old enough to know better.
So I just told him, you’re not getting them for Thanksgiving and I know you will probably get them for Christmas but for my peace of mind and sanity I’m not doing the holiday’s with them. I’m done going above and beyond. For what? To have the most special day and then be ghosted again? I’m just not doing it. So I told him to take his kids and spend the week of Christmas with his families.
I don’t know if I’m wrong but they’ve been gone since September and I don’t miss them or the situation at all. My sanity is a bit more intact and I don’t want it in my life anymore. Not for now at least. I’m super hurt that they haven’t reached out and just feel so used, unappreciated and taken for granted. It hurts.
I’m also ready to leave my husband. He said earlier I hope you and the girls can reconcile. UM..like I did something for them to treat me and my daughter like we don’t exist?
Anyway, I’m just done. I have almost both feet out of the door. I keep telling him to leave the apartment that I moved to, to get away from it all but he’s not getting it. I just want to be alone. Live my life and be happy.
For so many years I have had my feelings invalidated, have been told “it’s just you” that I don’t even know what to think anymore.
Am I wrong for any of this? It’s a terrible situation.
P.S. Sorry for the super long post. It’s been 12 years coming.