Call the police.

I can't imagine a father not wanting to kill any man that thought about touching his 14 year old daughter.

I don't care how much you want your kid to like you. You don't sit back and allow some dirt bag adult to take advantage of your kid.

Doing the right thing may mean the end of your relationship. Do you really want to be with a man that would allow this to happen to his own child?

That is disgusting. You have to ask what kind of man (a 20 year old is a man!) wants to be with a 14 yr old GIRL. That needs to be stopped immediately. I would keep it sneaky that you are trying to figure this out. Make a new rule that he has to come inside to meet you guys before they can go out again. Then if an adult walks into your living room, call the cops because a child molester just walked into your home. I would rather have my daughter hate me than her be in a disgusting relationship with a 20yr old!

As sad as it is, you aren't the parent, and you can't take responsibility for parenting.

I agree with you that it is inappropriate. In fact, my daughter did not date at all at age 14. She was allowed to "keep company" with young men, in our home, in the company of adult family members. Even at 16, a boy has to keep company with her in the presence of family before she goes out alone with him. This policy screens out a lot of undesirable advances. However, this kind of guidance in dating is only possible when the adults in the family are very involved in the kids life, and a strong attachment and trust is in place.

If the child's parents do not clearly distinguish between adults and children, this would be impossible.

Having said that, I did allow a boy who is 5 years older to keep company with my daughter at one point. She is verbally very mature for her age, and this young man was somewhat young for his age. His mother and I spoke, and we figured if we forbade the relationship, that would only make them feel "it's us against the world." So, we supported their crush on one another, and because we supported it, we were allowed to set the rules. They could keep company in our homes with parents home, and the parents communicated frequently. His "curfew" in my home of when he had to leave was 8 pm on school nights, and 10 pm on other nights, and they never were left alone together. After about a month, it took care of itself, because she was at an age to have crushes, but not want a guy around all the time, and he was at an age where he wanted a girl to go places in his truck with him. They are still dear friends, and he's more like a brother.

In my home, no opposite sex member ever entered bedrooms, even when they were young children... it's just not appropriate. So as a teen, my kids don't expect to have a boyfriend or girlfriend in their room.

And because I have the policy about "keeping company" before dating, I've been able to get to know the boys and parents before there is ever any time alone... and my kids are accustomed to this level of involvement because I have raised them with these expectations and standards all their life.

Yes, at 16, I'm not able to "prevent" her from doing something she's bound and determined to do, but at 16, she's seen her 13 year old friends get pregnant by a 19 year old, and has witnessed that the standards I set have protected her and guarded her heart, so she's not bound and determined to go out and do all that.

I share all that to say.... the parents have to be the ones who establish those things, and they have to do it early.... it's too late if you wait until an issue arises to address it with your child.

And it's not easy.... for me to enforce those things, I have to be home, I have to be engaged with them. I can't leave them home and go out. I can't go to bed early when my house is full of kids. When my kids are grounded, I am grounded too in order to enforce the rules. I have to be willing to communicate with other parents who have different values from me.... when they were little it was, "Of course, all the firearms in my home are locked safely out of reach, how about you?" Now it's "of course, we don't keep alcohol where the kids can access it, and we have a smoke and drug free home, what about you?" Or "How late will the young men be allowed to stay at this party?" And I know the address where my kid is going and I drop in if I have reason for suspicion.... that's hard work, it's not comfortable, but real true parenting requires courage and hard work.

If the parents haven't addressed expectations of opposite sex relationships by this age, you coming in with little bonding with the child and no authority are not going to be very influential.

The best thing you can do is express your concern to her father, and let him handle it, and pray for protection around her.

My ss15 has a crush on a 19 yr old girl. I cannot wait until she goes off to college b/c she is causing him a lot of distress, a lot of attitude problems and loss of precious sleep. SO says as long as his grades are up he's ok with it b/c she's apparently a great girl. uhm, huh?

Also I wanted to say that my niece who was 15 at the time was going out with a 23 yr old, got pregos and is now a happy 18 yr old mum of a toddler. My bro became a grandpa at age 38 :/ I have a pic of my niece holding her brand new baby girl and she barely looks older then a 12 yr old holding her baby. I don't know, it's just not good. She is now a senior and doing fine but it was a struggle for awhile. This happened while my bro and ex were getting a divorce and niece was being ignored

ive been the 14yr old with a 20yr old bf. I guess i was unahppy at home and parents didnt pay me much attention . anyway we were together for 4 yrs and got engaged (didnt work but still mates). my mum wasnt happy but i didnt have strong boundaries and it really affected me after. In fact i wanted my parents to put their foot down as i would have known they cared, i felt like they didnt really.
Kids need boundaries and even though i did it if it were my son or daughter it would be a huge no no. I think it squewed my sense of relationships as i then went for older men for a while almost like a father figure type person if that makes sense.

Does she know that you know about her bf? Politely invite him over for dinner. Say to her, "we have heard you have a bf! That's great! Why don't you invite him over for dinner so we can meet him, then we'll drive you to the movies afterwards." I live in a military town (single moms are far too common around here) and this is how we've discussed the possibility of SD meeting a young man and finding out who he is without being sneaky or invasive. Then, during dinner you get to drill the young man with questions about himself (regardless of his age, you wanna know who she's dating!). And if you find he is over 18, you inform him of his legal rights and if he can wait 4 years, then he can think about dating the child. If he is 20, be sure to use the word child.

My dad told my dates that he had a shotgun, shovel, and we lived in a large wooded area, left the rest to their imagination.

Tell her about my SD-then-15's now-21-yo boyfriend. He's waiting on a trial date, and I hope the jackass gets the full 10 years hard labor.