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Trial reconvened...SMH.....

Cookieboom's picture

As you know BF’s custody trial was reconvened.  BF’s lawyer tried to get all parties to agree to a custody order to which BM said no way.  When trial started up again, BM showed up with a new lawyer.  BM is looking for full custody, with BF getting visitation.

BM NOW doesn’t want to go to a parental coordinator as “She is too much in fear to be in the same room as BF.”  (Yet she was pushing it before)?????

New lawyer took over the case, and now, the new story is BF abused BM the many years they were married and because of that SS wanted nothing to do with him…. New lawyer stated that BF is “Stepping up” as his role of a father and BM is “Proud of him” for doing so, but that due to SS’s fears and needs, it would be “detrimental” for SS to have any more time with BF. HUH????????

BM also claimed that BF has had issues with his “anger” at his jobs and threatened to get his employment records if he doesn’t agree to what she wants.  Can they do that? what about her records????

Unbelievable.  No one mentioned me once…..Did I disappear overnight? Either they think we broke up of her lawyer is one smart man.  One never knows.  Will keep you all posted!!!

Winterglow's picture

She sounds as if she's scared of her own shadow. For me, that raises flags as to how capable she would be to defend her child's best interests. If she's too much in fear of your BF how would she fare with a school principal. 

Maybe its time your lawyer asked her if she fully understands the word "perjury".

SteppedOut's picture

It will always be something with this BM. Even after this legal battle is "over". There will be more and more until skid is 18. Where is she getting the funding for these legal battles? Does she have a good paying career? Wealthy parents? 

Plan to spend your life with your bf in constant turmoil, due to BM insanity until skid is 18 (and, honestly, probably after that too).

Are you prepared to deal with this constant stress forever to be with your bf? 

Idk... sometimes walking away is the best option because you have no control over someone else's mental health. 

ndc's picture

Probably BM's new lawyer realizes that going after you is irrelevant and not helpful (not to mention BM's depositions on that front are a disaster), so that's why they're changing it to BF. Does she have any evidence that he abused her or frightened SS or is she just totally making it up?  Would BF's employment records indicate an anger problem or anything else that's problematic? If not, let her waste her lawyer's billable hours getting the employment records.  There's no need for BF to get hers unless there might be something in them that would help his case. 

This BM is such a PITA. I hope you can stay out of her crosshairs.

shamds's picture

Hysterical and changing tactics and its simply to wear the exspouse down to the point they cave in. Its all about control.

they claim they need to save the kids from exspouse because he's such a danger and covince skids of this despite it not being true. Classic pas tactic. Its all out of the same playbook

Cookieboom's picture

I am not aware of any abuse in their marriage.  He did tell me once that she punched him in the chest during an argument and threw things at him while intoxicated. 

He was/is never abusive around me.   As far as SS’s fear, I think she is making it up, if you remember she claimed she and SS were in “fear” of me and had to go to counseling because of it, when GAL asked her for the name of the counselor she “forgot” it.  She had BF arrested when she attacked him a few years ago, told everyone (cops, lawyers) that SS didn’t see the alleged assault now is saying he did see it…

As far as employment, I know of nothing of her allegations…. however, he told me that she was fired from several jobs and now has been at the Gap for about five years. She is from a wealthy family but we are hearing that their money is running out.   I have disengaged with BM and SS….

Cover1W's picture

BM took this tactic with DH. How do you prove innocence?! He lost any contact with the SDs for about a year then had strict supervision over visits a year after. So two years of little to no contact with them when they were ages 5-7. I think BM did a number on them back then too. And explains some of his reticence to assert himself.

Look into how he can protect himself because that lawyer is a shark.

Rags's picture

legal and court costs, punitive damages, and full custody to put BM under a rock.

Her changing story, parade of attorney's, etc... should give good odds of the Judge having had enough and coming down on the manipulative batshit crazy BM like a ton of shit in a 1lb bag. Quit letting BM dictate the course, take control and go for total BM destruction.

I would.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

With HC exes, you have to set a limit on how far you're willing to go before dropping the rope. Try not to get caught up in teaching BM a lesson or winning, because these personalities have NO limit and will never stop fighting. There will always be a new attorney or set of allegations, which your H will have to pay to fight. They'll even weaponize the kids. 

The limit may be financial (we spent 20k, and that was thirty years ago), the effect the fight is having on the skid(s), a point at which it becomes too dangerous, or a combination of things. Don't underestimate the effect on your health, either.

In a sense, your H has already lost because he bred with crazy and his child will likely be just like her regardless. Think about that - do you really want a mini BM in your home, causing strife, reporting back to BM? Even if you "win", you lose.

That thing about HCs having no limits? Psycho drug DH through the mud and down into Hell. She went after his reputation, tried to get him arrested, and tried to ruin his career (DH was a cop). Psycho declared DH wasn't the father; that his eight yo daughter was terrified of him and suicidal; and that he was abusive. She accused DH of beating her, of causing her to miscarry (she'd had an abortion), of stalking, and of rape. Ugh. It took a lot of time and money to disprove it all. And remember, most BMs retain custody during the battle, enabling them to continue the brainwashing and PAS.

Our rope dropping incident was Psycho attacking DH's relatives when they went to collect SD for the first visitation in almost two years. DH had two other kids depending on him, and knew Psycho would never stop, so he tapped out. BTW, SD turned up later, fourteen with a budding case of BPD. But that's just another chapter in the book of crazy. 

 

Cookieboom's picture

You reminded me of a coworker who married a cop with a crazy BM...BM kicked him out and was living with another man yet harassed him and my coworker.  She also broke up his previous relationship, calling the woman and told her they were "working things out" She too filed false charges and he was put on dispatch until the charges were proven false.  He married my coworker and his teen girls refused to have anything to do with him.  He told us a story of how he used to fix her many tickets when they were married.  One day he was in his cop car driving and she ran out in front of him, all her friends in tow.  She was holding a speeding ticket....

Cop:  what's up?

BM: They gave me a ticket!

Cop: Yeah?

BM: What are they, f&$@ing gone?

Cop: Yeah?

BM: What am I supposed to do now?!

Cop: I guess you have to pay it!

He said the looks on her and her friends were priceless when he drove off leaving them in the street!!

Cookieboom's picture

Thanks for the advice.  I will keep you all posted.  I am staying away from the trial.  From what I hear, the judge is sick of BM's tactics.

thiscantbenormal's picture

Don't get your hopes up. If your county is like ours they rotate judges. DH's first judge was sick of HC BM's tactics. 2.5 years later she started up again and there was a new judge that bought her false tales of abuse and was biased. DH dropped the rope after that. And as was stated above, even the court appointed counselor at the beginning of the custody battle said she had the personality type to never stop being high conflict and the GAL's report said she openly admitted to telling everyone including the kids how terrible he was that she was engaged in a smear campaign and PAS (described in a beat around the bush way).  The first liar wins here. Since she gets to tell her psycho story first, she will get people in power to believe her without a doubt. Unless the person listening to her drivel has personal experience with an abusive/bat crap crazy mother, they won't question her story b/c "why would a loving mother do that to her child".

Powerfamily's picture

From what I hear, the judge is sick of BM's tactics. well hopefully he tell her new lawyer and her to cut the Cr*p.

The Judge knows that both GAL and Parent Coordinator have been told by SS that he wants to have a relationship with his father.

skell76's picture

HCBM did the same thing here (she's had 5 attorneys). She also refused to be in the same room as DH for mediation (always had to go there first before trial) but good news is it only looked poorly on her.  

Not sure how your county works, ours you keep the same judge during the entire trial and one year post.  Our judge was fed up with HCBM and put a stop to several of her antics during trial, i'll pray the same for your BF.  Without evidence - solid evidence it's a he said she said and while infuritiating that she is doing this, consider it a favor that she's only showing her true colors = she'll do anything to get SS away from BF.  I just hope the  judge can see her for what she is. Also a thought if they are currently in a trial she can't introduce new evidence (from my understanding) so it might be a moot point. The disovery and all of that would have been due prior to trial...

And they wonder why dads give up :(  

Cookieboom's picture

BF’s attorney knows her new attorney.  BF said he seems like a nice guy.  Both attorneys are trying to work things out before a long trial, but BM keeps yielding at every turn. 

Remember how I posted that BM started coming out of her house with SS and would look into BF’s car upon pick-ups? (I think to see if I am still around, she has not mentioned me in a while and this last court appearance and new attorney she had new reasons for why she didn’t want BF seeing SS) …

BF’s attorney mentioned this…new attorney had NO IDEA!!!!   Ha ha!!!! Judge asked BM why she is doing this, she said she needs to make sure SS is not in jeopardy and not in the company of “sleazes.” Judge was pi$$ed and ordered her to stay in the house at pick-ups and drop offs!!!!

BM did not enter any of her financial statements and the like.  She claimed she thought she had a few more months to do so.  BF’s attorney reminded Judge that BF’s information was turned into the court months ago.

Judge has to go over the rest of the GAL report and they are waiting for another court date.  Judge also gave them a chance to work things out before going forward (but that won't happen me thinks) BM starting spewing off people she wanted to use as witnesses, but before she could continue Judge said only people on the stand are BM, BF and GAL….NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

GAL stated in her report that SS said that BM refers to BF (To SS) as “Halfwit” and d*ckhead” NICE!!!!!!  Also, GAL reported that BM “refused” a home visit.   WTF!!!!! BF’s attorney once again reminded Judge that BF welcomed the home visit with open arms. 

BF said when they all left BM was looking at the floor, and he and both attorneys were walking out the door together and BM stayed back fumbling in her purse…. He said she looked scared sh*tless....She waited until they went into the parking lot before she slinked away…That’s all for now!!!

Rags's picture

comment DH's attorney asked her if she recalled that she cheated and if being in the company of a sleaze was BM's issue regarding her daughter she should be willing to immedialtey turn custody to your SO to protect her daugher from being in the company of a sleaze.

Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee!!!

Start going for pick ups and let her Z out back to her past focus. Just another opportunity for SO's attorney to bare her ass... yet again... in front of the Judge.

When this is all over and SO gets custody, he and his attorney need to be all over BM like stink on shit, nail her for a massive CS award, and minimize her toxic presence in this kid's life, and yours.  As your SD grows older make sure there are regulat CO reviews with her as well as a review of the facts so when BM starts with her crying victim bullshit this kid knows that BM is a toxic POS.  Kids need the facts to be able to protect themselves from POS idiots like the BM in your blended family adventure.

My SS is kicking ass in life, unlike anyone in his SpermClan. In large part because he was fully informed, in an age appropriate manner, and was able to end their shit in real time anytime they pulled it.  He started gaining clarity in his mid teens and started calling them on their bullshit in real time from then forward.  They learned to keep their shit under wraps of have him bare their asses on their crap.  By the time he was 19-20 he smacked them down for the last time and they have pretty much stayed under their slime covered shallow and polluted gene pool rock ever since.  Though they will upon occassion try the guilt card to try to get him to visit them.  We pay for his travel costs to visit us. He fights with us about it, but, even 11yr USAF veterans (Still serving) can tolerate some help from mom and dad.  He tells them... "get me a tickedton X date to Y date and I will visit."  The don't and he doesn't visit. Unless he meets us in SpermLand when we are visiting my DW's family.  Then he will visit them for a couple of hours.

Once all of this crap is settled, IMHO it is time for you and DH to give this kid a chance to evolve past the shallow and polluted end of her gene pool.

Do not even think of sympathy or empathy for the BM, she can wallow in the shit she has created for herself.

Good luck.

Cookieboom's picture

Unfortunately, the attorney did not do that…but I’m realizing that even though he doesn’t say anything about her affair, she is making an a$$ of herself over and over and over again.

I was thinking the same thing you mentioned about going to the pick-ups..That would be interesting, but I’m staying out of her drama!

As far as having sympathy for the BM, there is no way I am going down that road.  I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.   BF used to feel bad for her every time her BF would go back to his wife…Bi*ch please!!!!

Every time he complains about his situation, I remind him it is because of her and to remember that when she plays the “poor me” saga.  I once again reminded him that she is not welcome on my property if we get a place together.  I also told him if I catch her in my home, he, SS and BM will be on the curb so fast their heads will spin…he didn’t like that much…..

Rags's picture

Cookie,

Even my bride struggled with some of what your SO is strugging with.  For some reason, even when a prior choice in mates was a disaster, there seems to be a need for decent people to try to find decency in those devoid of any semblance of decency.  It took well ove a decade for my DW to quit trying to find a glimmer of decency in the SpermClan.   In the 27+ years we have been married, the topic has settled out to "Well, he never beat me."  To which I answer... "Has any man in your life ever beat you?".... "No." So my dear, why is that a redeeming quality in this idiot and his entire family. They manipulated you, tried to control you, made far too much of your life/our lives a living hell and you land on that he didn't beat you. Really?

SMH.

DW would tighten the screws for a year or two to keep the SpermClan under their rock, then she would start on a cycle of thinking that they had been decent for a while and she could start to work with them for the sake of minimizing their manipulation of SS when on SpermLand visitation. As soon as she backed off even a smidge, they would immediately go for the whole enchilada of manipulation, guilt, etc....  Finally I asked her a fateful question or two.. "When have they failed to take their crap out on the kid? When do they take it out of the kid the most? When you are holding them accountable, or when you back off and try to work with them?"

Shok

For some reason that repeat of a long repeated conversation broke through and she never again tolerated their crap and never again commented on how she felt sorry for them.

Now, nearly 28 years later and back at the empty nester Rags/Bride ranch, our son is truly a man of character, a viable high performing adult and professional who has left that sad half of his gene pool far in his past.  Interestingly, he keeps them there. Though he will upon occassion express some of his mom's sympathy/empathy about feeling bad for them with a little guilt thrown in for not visiting them in years or calling them.

Your SO sounds like he may make it to the no more tolerance for BM point.  

For your sake, I hope that happens sooner rather than later.

We have never had to worry about any of them showing up at our home.  We have never lived within 1200 miles of the  SpermClan. Even when SS was in his COd visitation period of 16+years.  I hope that is something that you never have to adderss with your SO or the BM.