Toxic Spirals
As a follow up to my rather chaotic posts - here it is around 9 am, and I havent heard from Munchkin SD13. Yesterday she was on the phone literally unable to talk through her tears and wanting to stay with us, after having given her mother an ultimatum.
The story I got was that her mother has been drinking A LOT every day. And been erratic. Sunday afternoon Toxic Trll BM went to ehr sisters apartment by the beach, and started a drinking binge. Too drunk to drive back to the apartment where munchkin as anxiously waiting by herself, she stayed the night.
The next morning Munchkin still had not heard anything and freaking out called DH crying. Then after speaking to her mother, who was slurring her speech heavily, and probably still drunk, she freaked out even more.
Then no contact from the mother (passed out probably).
I spoke with her and told her that her father picks her up, she will stay with us. Her mother will battle us. I told her that if she was in danger, then of course she needs to stay with us. No she wasnt in danger, she was just worried about her mother because of the slurring and not being safe with the shelter in place. She gave her mother an ultimatum, to push her into making the choice to stay home so she would stay. In her nice way.
I told her that if she decided she was unsafe, then ok, I will support her decision, but until she is 18 she really cannot make any decisions that will be permanent. Over the day, she felt unsure, and indecisive. Changed her mind and did not want her father to swoop in and take her to our house. Didnt want to enrage her mother for nothing.
As of this morning, when I checked in over an hour ago, I have not heard a peep from Munchkin.
Through all this I have remained calm. After the whole rolller coast, I just figure its part of that whole enablement cycle, and DH and I are just "well, eventually she will get fed up. We will be here when she does, other than that, its not anyting we need to concern ourselves with". We had a nice evening and had fun plotting what to do with our new boat.
Calling CPS was an option,
Calling CPS was an option, too. Not saying you should have pulled the big red handle, but you need to make Munchkin aware that her mom leaving her alone overnight is not okay, that she needs to let Dad know if this happens again, and she can always call 911 If she feels unsafe. If nothing else you should be sure to document this and add it to the file you're keeping of custody days, incidents, etc.
Screen shots too
Ive got some screen shots detailing when her mother called her a "b", and threw a charger at her. This was back a few weeks when Munchkin called DH and asked for her charger at our house, DH asked "why" and she told him because her mother kept using her. So she called munchkin a series of different names, threw the charger at her and told her to stop being a tattler.
Childish stuff, but to me borderline abusive.
Yes, I document what I can. also wish I could have recorded the call where she is crying and detailing the drinking.
Ill make that note. I guess at 14, toxic troll thinks its ok to leave her alone overnight...Im not comfortable with that myself.
Leaving a 13yo alone for
Leaving a 13yo alone for several hours should not be a problem IMHO. I was baby sitting at that age.
A call to CPS, or even 911 regarding an unresponsible wasted parent should have happened IMHO. The police frog marching TT drunkely to the cruiser should have happened. It would have also taken the honus of action out of the hands of the 13yo.
Not taking definitive action regarding TT's crap is enabling IMHO. Next time she ties one on and is unresponsive and the kid calls, call 911 and get the 13yo out of that behavioral cess pool.
Stayed the night at her sisters
She was unresponsive at her sisters which is 20 minutes away from us and the apartment. Because she did not want to drink and drive. I was wondering if we should have called - except she wasnt even there with kiddo.
SD was home alone overnight. A few hours is nothing and she is pretty responsible. Thats my only issue, I guess. Plus crying upset kiddo...