Totally Lost....
My DH and I have been married seven years and have 9 kids (4 mine 5 his). They have been the biggest obstacle in our having a happy marriage. Actually I can't blame it all on them, totally different parenting styles also play a big part. Anyway to make a long story short DH announced he had an appointment with an attorney Monday to see about setting up a trust. I thought it was odd that he didn't ask me to go but since he handles all the financials I really didn't think to much of it. Well tonight he has come to me and said that the attorney told him that if he leaves me less then one third of the "trust" I can contest the will. He said that the attorney told him that one third is the norm for what the spouse generally receives. He said that I will get my half of the house and his monthly retirement check and that if we stayed married for another 2 years I would also get his social security benefits. He feels that is enough. He wants to put his life insurance, deffered comp, and his half of the house into a trust. I have no other means of support other then a $400 a month disability benefit because I was always a stay at home parent. The house will not be paid for because he does not believe in credit life insurance. When we were first married I got 50% of his life insurance and deferred comp. He admitted I got more then because he loved me more then. He is also upset that I am upset over all of this. He says it is because it is the money I really care about and not him. He doesn't get that I am upset over what all of this says about the state of our relationship. Yet he says he doesn't want a divorce. WTH? Oh and it isn't like we are talking big money here. The house is worth $150,000 with a $50,000 mortgage on it. The deferred comp is $150,000 and the life insurance is $100,000. I am just reeling. I just think the marriage is over yet he doesn't want to be alone which is why he doesn't want a divorce.
I am disabled. DH and I have
I am disabled. DH and I have no children together and our kids are all adults accept for his youngest who is 12. I did not receive alimony. The kids were raised and I went out and found a job. He kept the house (I could not afford too) with the agreement that it be left to the kids when he passes. I worked full time for five years and then was laid off. Became disabled the following year.
The $423 comes from when I
The $423 comes from when I did work before I had kids. Oh and the five years I did work after the kids were raised. Cannot get another life insurance policy on him now because he has been diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. Really it isn't even about the money, although that is part of it, it is what it says about his feelings for me. I feel like I am being punished for having an opinion, for not kissing his ass all the time so he would love me more. I don't know if I can even find the words to explain how I am feeling. I just feel like I can never trust him again. You know I guess I shoudn't be shocked. A couple of years after we got married we got into a really bad arguement. I thought we had resolved it but a few weeks later he was off in Las Vegas with the guys when an envelope showed up in the mail from the state. I opened it and there was a paper showing the requested changes to his beneficiaries had been made. He had gotten mad and removed me completely from the Deferred comp and the life insurance. He had also signed a paper stating his oldest son was to make medical decisions if he was unable too and that his brother and sister plan his funeral! All because he was pissed! I honestly don't even know for sure if he ever changed it back. He says he did. Obviously there is a reason I am his fourth wife. But then the others took him for a lot of money. It truly has never been about that for me but I am in my middle 50's and have to consider different things now.
I think that is where this is
I think that is where this is leading. He said something about a clause in the will that if you contest it you only get $1.00. But yes I think he is going to ask me to sign something. That is where all this is headed I am sure.
So, divorce him now and get
So, divorce him now and get at least half!!!!!! There is not enough to justify the establishment of a trust. That is just a bluff and a complete waist of time IMHO.
Start calling all of the best divorce attorneys in town and set up consultations. Most will do a free consultation. That takes them off of the table for his use since it would be a conflict of interest for them to represent him after consulting with you. Then pick the best and leave his completely devoid of character ass living in the gutter under a highway overpass.
No quarter. Destroy him and start now. So unto him before he does unto you.
Yes Illinois is a not a
Yes Illinois is a not a community property state. OP best not jump the divorce band wagon until she has been well advised by a good lawyer as to exactly what a divorce would mean to her. This guy doesn't sound as if he has much of an estate to begin with and being he is likely somewhere between mid-50's to 60's (except for the life insurance policy) much of what he does have was earned/acquired long before 7yrs ago. In addition the guy has already been through three divorces and has one minor 12yr old. It must also be looked into as to what agreements might still be in legal standing in that regard (was DH ordered to carry for example that life insurance policy for the minor).
In the meantime until OP does the lawyer she needs to not sign nor agree to anything that her husband is suggesting.
Minor is entitled to 1/3 of
Minor is entitled to 1/3 of the life insurance per the divorce agreement. House is titled in both our names. He wants to change it from joint tenancy to tenants in common. It is not that I don't want him to leave his children anything. I do not mind that at all. In fact I expected him too. It is the fact that I was told I am getting less because he doesn't love me as much. I think what triggered this is that his 28 year old son lost his job a year and half ago and had to move in with us. He is a drug addict. Last week they had to take him to the hospital by ambulance when he was overdosing. This child has caused maues betwen us. I will admit I can not handle this kind of stuff. Drug dealers coming to the house. Having to check and make sure he is still breathing every morning. I feel my husband is an enabler and we have had some big disagreements over how to handle all this. When SS28 and I got into it one day (the only time we ever have) he called me a GOLD DIGGER! Not that there is a lot of gold to dig but I believe his children fully expect to get it all. He is taking them on vacation next year to Las Vegas in the fall. Has he asked if I wanted to go....NO.
I read in one of OP's older
I read in one of OP's older post threads that her husband is retired from the state. She must also keep in mind that as his widow she retains his health insurance benefits (as long as she doesn't remarry) but as a divorcee she loses them. (For her as survivor under 65 she would get the full state employee program after 65 she would get these benefits as a supplemental to Medicare if she qualifies for Medicare. If she perhaps did not qualify for Medicare she would be allowed to keep the regular state employee program as pre-65 was)
Just another toss in there to consider prior to any decisions. As she states she can't work and is disabled, health insurance might be a pro-her thing. She needs to also keep in mind that his pension checks increase 3% every January. All things she needs to be informed about and weigh prior to making any quick decisions.