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Toddler SD driving me nuts!

spitefulmagnet's picture

I had an account here before, but felt my username was too specific to me so made a new account.

I just need to vent. I am currently babysitting my toddler SD and she's driving me absolutely insane. It's not the "toddlerness" as I have a child close in age to her. My child is light years ahead of her and DH refuses to see that this child is way behind and needs to seek some help. SD is violent (which many toddlers are in learning stages) but SD scratches, hits, pulls hair, kicks, pinches, etc for absolutely no reason to my bio kids. For instance my bio daughter was just reading a book quietly on the floor and SD came over and pinched her in the face! Plus SD has added a "bitch" at the end of my name when she says it. So it's "SM Bitch" she doesn't know her own name but she sure knows to call me a bitch (I obviously realize she has no clue what she is saying) Thanks BM!!

There is a LOT of bad blood between BM and I and I think that has a lot to do with my irritation with SD which is terrible. I admit it. I'm an awful person. I've given it an honest shot. DH has children with his ex wife and YSD (the one in mention here) was planned by his ex as a trap for him, he didn't want any more children or her for that matter. I LOVE SO's older kids, it's just this one that makes me crazy.

I babysit her quite frequently if DH has to work on certain days that we have SD. I used to not mind but now I am really resenting the days we have SD. I can't wait until Sunday!!! Bye bye!!

/vent over! Lol.

hereiam's picture

Absolutely no way I'd be babysitting a brat who calls me a bitch. No DH, no SD.

Orange County Ca's picture

I think there is more going on here than under-development or misguided parenting. The aggression you describe towards other kids is a symptom of brain birth defect in my opinion. Frankly I'd get out of the situation before you and your kids become more attached to this man and his other kids.

If I'm right this kid is going to be in an institution - or unfortunately on your hands until she hits the streets as a teenager and leaves home. You've got over a decade to live with this kid and I see you leaving its just a question of when.

This is especially true since Daddy can't or won't see that a problem exists not that it will help you with this kid if he did. Q promise on his part to get help should not deter you from leaving as he will never come anywhere near solving this problem if I'm correct. This is simply a damaged kid who is never going to really get better. As she grows that aggression will be taken out on bigger and bigger kids. What if she decides to swing a golf club or something similar? Your kid could end up with a concussion if she's lucky.

Take a very harsh look at how she behaves, by harsh I mean truthful, and decide if you really want her in your life for ever.

spitefulmagnet's picture

Thanks everyone! I do agree that she is going to have serious issues growing up. Her Mom is very very 'trashy.' I by no means am perfect but she is definitely that type of person that sleeps around. Has a few kids all to different dads and races. She's never been married and is (literally) bipolar and doesn't take her meds. I sort of feel obligated to try to be a normal female adult presence in her life. As far as the bitch thing, it's not her fault, it's her Mom's she's just repeating what she hears. DH though doesn't tolerate it. He disciplines her but again she's a toddler she doesn't listen very well. I take very good care of her and treat her very well. I am never mean or anything with her I treat her through out the day with the same fairness that I treat my own, but I stiffle a lot of frustration. DH wants to go for 50/50 custody and I know he would get it. He's the much more stable parent and while I am happy that he is an involved Dad and cares for her and puts her first I don't want to be straddled with her 14 days a month. I work from home which has made my children very independent. They know when i am working they need to play quietly, work sibling squabbles out on their own, etc. I can't get any work done when SD is here. I had to tell my boss today I couldn't work. I think it's time to tell DH he needs to put her in daycare when he isn't home. I know he's going to be upset and it will be an additional expense but it's been over a year of this and I just end up feeling worse not better about it. I do feel like a terrible person for it though.