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Time to do what I want

Chelsearg's picture

After my last post describing the argument hubby and I had iv had a really shit day. I’m exhausted and have always noticed I get “drained” around hubby. I love him and have always made a million sacrifices and have done everything I could to support him and his son however possible. But iv always considered getting out. We have a child together so I’ll always be somewhat stuck to him. 

Today I listed a work wanted add for my new profession. And Instead of staying in the region iv stated I’ll accept offers nation wide. I have never wanted to live here. I have only stayed because hubby couldn’t leave his son (12). But now I’m spreading my wings. If hubby wants to come he can. If he wants to continue being a douche he can stay behind. He cannot expect me to keep making sacrifices for his life. He cannot accuse me of being a selfish not caring stepmum after all I have done and been through for him. I don’t have an issue with SS. He’s a typical pre teen prick that’s torn between parents so he can misbehave but he’s actually an alright kid underneath. We have our own inside joke that when his mum and dad text we say “let the hunger games begin” hahaha, he knows they fight constantly (mum tells him whenever “dad is mean to her”) and it makes it less serious for the child. I’m done here. I’m done with being the bad guy, having shit thrown in my face and just being unhappy. Iv always worries about everyone else and it’s now time to do shit for myself and make a great life for our son. I haven’t told hubby I’m looking at work nationwide but he will realise when I have to go away for the weekend for a job interview. If he appreciated me more and had more respect it wouldn’t have come to this. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Chelsearg - I hear you and I get it. I didn't move across the country, but I did move out in April and live about 10 minutes from my soon to be ex. No kids together, but living together with his adult sons and feeling taken for granted and used, with my needs and feelings completely dismissed caused me to leave. I have sacrificed and given so much to my spouse over the 4 years we were together, and 2 married, that I finally realized someone had to care about what I needed and it seems I'm the only one who does.

I hope your husband wises up. Mine seemed like he might then did a 180 and filed for divorce. I know it's for the best. I love him but if he knows he can't be a true husband to me, I love him enough to let him go.

Hope you can find the peace you're craving.

STaround's picture

You have a mutual child.  Moving and taking the child with you can be very difficult.  

amiloco's picture

I wish I could take that step. I so dream about being everywhere but here. I really think I would have left by now if this place wasn't mine. The house I live in with my gf and her BD15, I partially own with some familiy members that don't live with us.

At this point only think my gf is with me so her brat can go to school here. Really think she is holding on to the past and the rare times when we're not with or talking about the daughter and get along great.

I so just want to put a for sale sign up and disappear.

Rags's picture

Though at the time they were an intact initial family we had good friends who navigated a very similar situation.  Both are graduate degreed intelligent people.  She is a successful driver in her profession and an amazing mom to two boys who are on the Autism spectrum.  He has always been an immature underperformer.

After years of home officing and working remotely from her company, staff and teams she told him that she and boys were moving and he could come or not. It was up to him.

He grudgingly went with the rest of the family.  Meanwhile back at the ranch and 5-7 years later ... they just divorced.

He had been the SAH Disney dad to their boys while she was working.  Upon the move she insisted that he get a job.  He did, as a low level technician.  We visited them 3yrs ago and my bride and I stayed inside with her while he and I were outside by the pool with the boys.  He mentioned the D word even then and that she had let him know what he would do to support the family or they would not remain married.  She has always lamented having to provide for the family rather than being the SAHM she wanted to be for a few years after each of her son's was born.  He was the SAHD, home brew wizard, social butterfly.

In the end,  how he parented, failed to grow up, and put everything before their marriage was more than she could tolerate I suppose.  He and I were college friends and classmates in engineering school.  He is brilliant but clueless in how the professional world works.  Over the years my bride and I have grown much closer to the wife.  When we learned of the divorce we contacted her and offered out support and help in anything we could do for she and the boys.  She was worried about my history with her XH.  I assured her that my friendship and respect for her would not be interfered with my my history with her X.

So, move. If DH comes that is great. If he doesn't, do whatca gotta do for you and your child.

Good luck.

Take care of you.

Chelsearg's picture

i have applied for a job about an hour away and also applied for a rental. It’s expensive but I’m sure i can manage for a bit and get a flat mate in to split the bills. I’m not talking to hubby. He’s mad as hell about it but for some stupid reason doesn’t realise why I’m not talking to him. I was sitting here earlier thinking here we go again, I’m waiting for another apology. And you know what, no. No I’m not. I don’t care. I shouldn’t have to wait for an apology. He is a selfish prick and I have lost too much. All I have gained from this relationship is our beautiful son. Nothing else. Why should I stay when this relationship only benefits hubby. Cannot wait to escape.