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Tik Tok Drama

Dogmom1321's picture

SD10 had to have a COVID test last week when she was at BMs. She needed it to be cleared to go back to school. 

Long story short, DH and I follow SD on TikTok because she has made totally inappropriate videos in the past (when she's at BMs, not allowed in our house.) Well SD posted (on her PUBLIC profile) "Ugh, school is making me take covid test *middle finger emojis*"

SD came back to our house today and I *overheard* DH addressing it with SD10. 

DH: "I saw what you posted on TikTok. That is inappropraite and I won't have my daughter doing that." 

SD10 lying through her teeth: "That's not my accounttttt. That's someone else.It wasn't me/"

DH: "Don't lie, you're only making it worse."

SD10: "Well if you weren't STALKING me you wouldn't know about it."

DH: "I'm your parent, I'm going to monitor what you are doing on the internet, even if it happens at your Moms."

Oh. My. Gosh. 

I'm totally disengaged from this situation. I don't address these things at all with SD. I'm not even present in the room. I let DH handle it. But geez! He totally has his hands full. I mean, first she's lying about it. Then talking back to her Dad accusing of "stalking". SD has constantly asked to go to BMs more, stay extra time there, etc. WELL, if I were 10 and had ZERO rules about the internet, I'd rather be at BMs too. I just think the whole thing is ridiculous that BMs response is "She wants her to be herself and express herself."

 

Question is, what are your thoughts on kid's privacy? If rules are broken, do you think kids should lose that? Do you agree with DH? Even if it happens at BMs, should he still address it (especially since BM doesn't). 

 

Thanks in advance!

 

ESMOD's picture

He does not have to have the same rules or expectations that her mom does.  If he is unhappy about content she is posting.. he has a right to discuss it with her and put limits on her whether it happens at her mom's.. school .. a friends house.. or in his own home.  The distinction comes as to whether he can expect mom to follow through on his consequences.  Which he likely won't be able to do... so he can take her phone while she is with him.. but can't expect mom will continue that when she returns home.

I think it's totally fine for him to explain that he is her father FULL TIME..  not just when she is sleeping at his home.  That he is not stalking her.. but he is monitoring her online accounts because he cares about  her wellbeing and wants to ensure she understands what is and not appropriate content for a TEN year old to be posting.  Parents don't stalk.. it's called being a good parent.  She may not appreciate it, but she will have to learn to live with it because if she wants to have any access then she is going to have to submit to it.

advice.only2's picture

Oh she is on a fast train to Teen Mom Drop Out with a side of meth.
Yes DH should address it and yes DH should enforce rules in his house, but since he's got a BM who is all about the Teen Mom Drop Out with a side of Meth plan he's going to be fighting a long difficult battle. This also isn't just BM's doing, I have a feeling your DH has allowed this behavior and never really addressed it in the past...good luck with him starting now at 10.

We got custody of DH's Spawn at 10...she was already having boys sleep over at her house...allegedly no sex, but who knows since Meth Mouth was to busy in the bedroom getting high. DH was a Disney Dad to her and never had rules or consequences. When she started Junior High she would steal/borrow her friends g-string panties to wear at school...at 10! She would put on so much make-up she looked like a baby hooker. She started taking naked selfies and sending those out to boys at 13...13! She had pills hidden in her room when she moved out at 17...not sure what they were, but she had them. She is now in her mid 20's works a part time crap job and has an OnlyFan's account where she posts soft core porn for 12.99 a month....this is your DH's future right here...just FYI.

OKtoStep's picture

First of all she's breaking tiktok TOS. Report her account as being underage and they will remove it. Wash, rinse, repeat. 
Secondly, why didn't he shut that disrespect down the second she accused him of stalking her? 
 

Thirdly, start downloading and saving her videos to your computer. When you have enough illegal/objectionable ones, take BM to court and have it put in the parenting plan thst SD can't have social media accounts til she's 16 or 18 or 37. 
 

edit- also, keep an eye on her follower count. After you hit so many followers, you can monetize. If she is, that's something else thst needs to be addressed cause suddenly she's a 10 year old with income.

Stepmama2321's picture

Unfortunately reporting accounts on TikTok does nothing. I've reported my SD account and numerous videos, stating she's only 8, and it did nothing. Account is still up and running. 

Harry's picture

PARENTING ,,,,,,  He parenting his DD to be a person, not the kid the other parents think is a bad influence on there kids.  Something he doesn't want her teachers to talk about, and you know they do . 

Totheend12345's picture

A few years ago SD was caught sending dirty photos and telling kids to kill themself. DH took her phone away (which I had bought her) and BM WENT OFFFFF!!! She told us SD needs privacy, ever since we will not buy her any item that connects to any social media, the includes phones, tablets, gaming systems.

 

We can't find SD TikTok, or most of her social media, she has blocked us.  But you staying out of it is  best, but she will only get in a ton of trouble. We went through the same with with SD now she is just sneaky and we have no clue what is going on.

Dogmom1321's picture

Wowww, yeah I think a huge problem here is these BMs trying to be more of kids BFF than actually parent. It's like they try to be in a contest for who can be the "cooler" one with the least amount of rules to "win over" the kids. Kids may temporarily be happy, but it is soooo damaging to them!

Guiltriddenameteur's picture

She shouldn't even have tik tok at 10 years old in my opinion. I have the same issue with 2 younger step sons. They apparently have it at their mum's but we won't download it for them on the ipads here and since they can't read or write they can't set their account up themselves. Unlucky for them! 

 

Jake's picture

First off I might be a little old fashion, But that being said that type of posting is not acceptable from a minor.

I have trouble witha 10 year old having a cel phone.... I am not a big fan of screen time in excess of a couple of

hours a day. I worry about peer preasure and cyber bullying. I pull the plug on the grandkids at bed time.

No tv or devices alowed in the bedroom. Sorry House Rules lol

The best of luck to you Jake

Rags's picture

Kids have no right to privacy until they launch. Parents are not stalkers when it relates to their children.   This little girl needs a daddy foot up her ass until she either catches a clue or launches, whichever occurs first.