You are here


akt8597's picture

I need help with this one! I am newly engaged to be become a step-mom and the BM is a waste of space. My fiancee and I have been together for over two years, living together for just under a year. He proposed in September and we found out we were pregnant in October. Of course all of the news has caused quite a bit of excitement foe his daughter (7) so she has shared the excitement with her BM. The BM was not very happy apparently as I just saw her in the grocery store the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. She followed me through the store and then proceeded to threaten the get a restraining order against me and make my life hell if my fiancee and I ever fought in front of her daughter or I made her the slightest bit unhappy or uncomfortable. Needless to say this caused quite a bit of anxiety for me especially with all of the hormone issues with the pregnancy. I have been having stomach issues, heart palpitations, trouble sleeping, sweating, shaking, etc. ever since the incident in the store. My fiancee has asked me to just forget about it and move on. I am hurt that he has not shown concern for the baby or myself. He told me I am tough and I need to get over it. I feel as though he has taken her side and basically affirmed her behavior. Does anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how to handle this?

Totalybogus's picture

He really needs to be that knight in shining armor for you. It is his baggage and he is the one that should deal with it. He should let his ex know that in the future, if she ever accosts you again, he will press charges for harassment and make her life as miserable as she is making yours.

akt8597's picture

Love it! I think that's what I needed to's just that if I do that he threatened to leave me and the baby because that's not what's best for his daughter....that's why I am soooooooo confused. Still love your answer though!

SusiQ's picture

So I agree with the other posters but if your FDH told you he'd leave you if you stuck up for yourself - isn't that setting off any warning bells for you?
I think that's setting things up that his daughter is always going to come first and then you may be next on the list. I'd be thinking twice about marrying a man who first off doesn't stick up for me and second is already putting his child first.

skylarksms's picture

SCREW THAT! What about what is best for you and your UNBORN CHILD???????

I would think hard and serious about marrying someone who would say something SO STUPID!

And why should telling BM to quit harassing you have ANYTHING at ALL to do with his previous child?

I am furious for you. I worry about how controlling this guy is of you. I live with one myself. It is not fun.

akt8597's picture

Thank you so much! I am trying to have that attitude. I just wish there was some way to make her feel as little as she made me feel without feeling bad about it. Hope you have a great week!

Lovepets's picture

Foxie is right, haha! These BM's are soooo foolish, they think they are in control (unfortunately it is usually because our SO/DH's have let them run the roost for far too long :sick: ).

Gia's picture

Honey, I wouldn't worry about BM's Threat AT ALL... She is psycho and jealous; now, I would totally be worried about DH's threat.

A man that tells you he is going to leave you (and his child) if you do something that is not beneficial for SD is a douche, I'm sorry, it must be horrible to hear those words. But, is it worth to be with a man that?

1. Clearly doesn't see your point
2. Does not support you
3. Is not worried aout your (and unborn baby's) safety
4. Puts HIS daughter needs ahead of YOURS and CHILD...

That's just amazing, I know he is the father of your baby but you really need to re think what this could mean for your and your baby's future. Taking a back seat in his life, especially when it comes to BM's issues...

Why don't you ask him to abandon his daughter? when he answers thinking you are crazy, ask him why would he even "think about" doing so with his OTHER child...

Whatever, his comment made me extremely mad, I saw it on my phone and had to log into the computer so I can write you..

Please update us, so we know how things went...

akt8597's picture

They live in my house...I have told him if he is so unhappy and only worried about his daughter and "not making waves" at the other house then he needs to pack their things and get out. He won't follow through when I say it and then just reminds me of how mean I am that I would throw a seven year old out.

I am just so CONFUSED and HURT.

akt8597's picture

UPDATE: He went to the BM's parent's house to tell them what she did and if she doesn't stop we are going to sue her for custody because she is crazy. He went to the grandparents because she still wasn't accepting phone calls or returning texts and when it was time for pick ups and drop offs she magically disappeared and her teenage daughter (by another man) is the only one home. I guess that is a step....I can't expect him to hunt her down and then get in trouble for stalking. I just still feel that they both need to grow up and be adults for their child....I guess that is a crazy thought though. After reading so many stories on this website it must just be a god given right to get married, have a child and then....go absolutely, blow your mind, crazy. Any thoughts on this? Should this be enough or should I be expecting him to contact her and say something to her? I'm sooooo flustered.

ddakan's picture

no, he isn't taking up for her, he is acting like men do when they are insensitive. you are overly sensitive. she threatened you because she is jealous! she is a stupid waste of fresh air.

concentrate on making her words go away. bm told my skids that i was a devil worshipper 9 years ago and i was pregnant and so emotionally hurt. i needed to learn then that bms words have no value. it echos in my mind, how could she say that to a 7 yo about me????? i may never know

the bms words have no value. shop where you won't run into her. you be happy with your little baby and enjoy your pregnancy! dh s don't always say the right thing, but he loves you.

akt8597's picture

Thanks to all of you for your input! We have ended our relationship. I feel like I can't go on if I can't defend myself and my child. I felt it was best to leave him and let him deal with the BM and his daughter.