Thoughts on parents who smoke
I don't really care if people choose to smoke cigarettes or not; your body, your health, your choice.
But it does irk me a little when parents smoke in front of or around their kids. I think it sends a dangerous message, and assuming the parents don't want their kids to be smokers, makes them into instant hypocrites.
Just my impression. FYI, I used to smoke years ago, and understand how hard it is to quit. That being said, I was also the child of smokers, both of whom were dead before my 17th birthday.
How do parents make the choice to not be healthier for their own kids' sake? Although, I guess that goes for a lot of choices, not just smoking ..
BM is a smoker and I find the skids are very curious about it. They're taught that it's bad in school, but then see it at home. When they come to our house, they ask why we DON'T smoke? Can't help but wonder how BM explains it to them in her house ..
Just pondering pointlessly over here 
Good luck with your struggle
Good luck with your struggle .. the meds may really be beneficial .. that's ultimately how I quit.
I know some kids will pick up smoking even if they have parents that don't .. I just think that the "you shouldn't smoke" lecture is completely lost on kids when the person giving it is a smoker; whether they're trying to quit or not.
I remember my mom giving me the same talk. I remember watching her struggle with quitting for years. And I very acutely remember how angry I was at her when she was diagnosed with State 3 lymphoma.
Confused68, DH has considered
Confused68, DH has considered trying the electronic cigarettes. I know they use cartridges. How long do they last & are they expensive?
My DH uses an e-cigarette,
My DH uses an e-cigarette, and its great. He smoked 25 years and has not smoked a real cigarette in over a year now. They are all different, costs vary and the amount of nicotine in them varies as well, so you can cut down to zilch and not notice.
DH is a smoking parent. He's
DH is a smoking parent. He's tried quitting several different times. It's a habit he wants to quit, but obviously easier said than done.
I guess when kids learn about the health risks in school & then come home to parents who smoke, the best approach (second to quitting, obviously) is to teach them that it's a bad habit to start because it's one that's so difficult to quit.
DH has explained that he's trying to quit & has encouraged them to take a lesson from his experience.
I don't think it's so much hypocrisy if it's recognized as a poor choice. He certainly isn't saying "It's okay for me to do it, but not for you".
I compare his addiction to cigarettes to my addiction to sweets. I should lose weight. I want to lose weight. Giving up sugar is a real battle for me. We all struggle with things that aren't good for us. We just do the best we can to help our kids learn from our mistakes.
He tried the Wellbutrin.
He tried the Wellbutrin. While it helped his mood, it didn't touch his habit. He also did the Chantix for 3 months. At $180/month, it wasn't something we could keep up with. I know some insurance will cover it, but ours won't touch it. He was doing really well on the Chantix. If we could've paid for another 3 months of it, he could've been off of them.
His dr said the generics for it should start coming out in the next year or 2. Obviously, it isn't something we want to just wait for.
DH (non-smoker) tried to get
DH (non-smoker) tried to get BM to quit for years. She would claim to be trying, and even did quit for about 6 months at one point. But inevitably took up the habit again.
He told her, "you're not teaching the kids it's a hard habit to give up, you're teaching them that they're not important enough for you to care about your health."
Not sharing this to be cruel or insensitive, but so often we preach to our DH's or BM's that "actions speak louder than words" ...
I think parents who smoke are
I think parents who smoke are selfish. Just like parents who drink to excess. You're actively TRYING to kill yourself off early. If you're not a shitty parent, your kids would probably like you around for a long time.
I think parents who smoke IN FRONT of their kids are both selfish AND stupid. IMO.
PS: I smoked for 10 years.
I agree it's disgusting. Both
I agree it's disgusting. Both of my parents smoked in the house when I was growing up. In the car, they'd alternate. One would light up, then after they put it out, the other would light it. It was constant. I used to breathe out the window with a straw. Never affected themn any!!
I struggle with this. I am
I struggle with this. I am not a smoker. BM is a chain smoker. She would rather support her habit than provide basic needs for her son. It makes me VERY angry.
SS has terrible allergies, and eczema. Smoke irritates both of these things. The Dr even informed us that with his skin, even the residual chemicals that smoke leaves in fabric can cause inflamations. BM has no regard for her son. NONE. She actually told me that she was mad at her BF because he chooses to buy toilet paper from Walmart instead of the dollar store, because now she doesn't have the extra couple of dollars to buy smokes at the end of the week.
This is a very hot topic for me. The hardest one was when SS askes ME if his mom is going to die because she smokes. He started asking this when he was about 4 years old. HOw do I answer this? "Yes son, she is going to die get used to the idea"... I can't say that. But I can't lie and say NO she's not going to die from that.. because there IS a possibilty that she will. It is not fair that I am put in that position. I ended up telling him that if that is something that he is worried about, that he needed to talk to his mom about it, and tell her that it makes him feel scared.
I get that it is a tough habit to break. And I have a lot of respect for those that DO quit. And even respect for those that are making an effort to quit. I just get pissed when they have NO desire to quit, and they bring it around the kids.
Somewhat similar with my
Somewhat similar with my skids .. they both have pretty severe asthma, and BM smokes around them. She claims she doesn't smoke in the house, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did. I've SEEN her smoke in the car with them in there.
Now that her mother lives with her (also a chain smoker), I can only imagine how much worse it will be.
The skids are classifed as Exceptional Family Members for Navy medical reasons, meaning that because of their asthma, BM can never be stationed overseas (needs access to major medical facilities in the US).
I only wish there was a way to use this in a custody case against her!
Wow .. really sorry to hear
Wow .. really sorry to hear that! Congrats to your mom and DH for quitting though
I do smoke....but outside on
I do smoke....but outside on the porch so the kids aren't breathing it in.
It is illegal here, and yes
It is illegal here, and yes they will pull you over if they witness it and give you a BIG HUGE TICKET! It is a lot like texting except your phone doesn't have smoke coming out of the top of it
they see it.
LMAO... I guess you never
LMAO... I guess you never know
There are responible ways to
There are responible ways to handle this addiction, and it sounds like you have done so. I would not call you a selfish mom if this is how you handle it.
My ss's BM IS a selfish parent... when she told me she didn't have any UNDERWEAR at her house for SS and couldn't afford to buy him any... I told her to cut back on the smokes for a week, a pack of chonies is the same price as a pack of smokes.
I have the worst story. BM
I have the worst story.
BM started smoking again behind DH's back. They had both quit when SD was born 17 years before. He would smell it in the car but it was always "my friend." Then she got SS 13 and SD 17 to smoke too, and all three hid it from DH. Can you see what he put up with? SS has lung issues too so it's especially bad for him.
During the divorce, DH and BM were out one night arguing. She rolled a cigarette across the table to him saying "you know you want to." He was so upset that he actually picked it up and smoked it. He has quit now, for a couple of years. I never nagged him; he hated it and I can see that it is extremely difficult to quit. The State of MA is actually suing because of the increased nicotine and other substances that boost addiction.
BM, SS19, and SD23 haven't quit, although BM has chronic bronchitis now (sounds horrible according to DH when he rarely talks to her).
I SO don't get this. Why
I SO don't get this. Why would a parent ALLOW their young child to smoke. BM started when she was 12 and her parents LET her do it. Seriously??
I don't either. I think BM is
I don't either. I think BM is really childish and a lot of what she did was rebellion against DH. She quit going to church, started smoking, went out partying, let the kids have parties there, let SD have boys spend the night, knew SS was smoking pot but didn't let DH know, etc and so on. Some major issues there.
And DH wonders why I don't like her. Not that he likes her really but he doesn't seem to hold a grudge. Maybe it's not my place but we went through so much drama with the secretiveness and then the endless trouble the kids got into as a result of her non-parenting...
Suppose you have a parent who
Suppose you have a parent who smokes outside & away from their children. In regards to setting an example, is a smoking parent any different from a drinking parent?
How many parents/stepparents here drink? Kids are taught the dangers of drinking & the risk of liver disease it can cause, yet come home to witness the adults in the house partaking?
How many kids have witnessed their parents have too much to drink & then drive home? How many kids have picked up that example & have killed or have been killed doing the same thing?
Yes, smoking is a bad unhealthy habit, but certainly not the only one, & I don't feel it's fair to deem one selfish because it's something they struggle with.
Very very true... DH and I
Very very true...
DH and I don't smoke, and we also don't drink when the kids are with us. They have never witness either one of us with so much as a beer or a glass of wine in our hands. We have 3 days a week without kids, we choose to do that when they are not home. They have enough influences in life without having their parents show them that these things are ok to do.
That is just our personal choice though. I would never look down on anyone else if they choose to have a drink with their kids present. Now, if they get in a car with them and DRIVE... then I have a problem.
I'm not claiming smoking is
I'm not claiming smoking is the only bad habit a parent can teach a child. Diet, lack of exercise, video games, drinking, etc etc etc .. the list goes on.
Does smoking you make you selfish in every single regard? Of course not .. I wasn't implying that either. I'm only saying that it's a habit that can very well kill you. It's killed both of my parents.
I'm saying it's selfish to not consider what it will be like for your kids to bury you. And if that concern isn't strong enough to make you want to quit, I think it sends a message to kids that they're not important enough for you to quit. Is that harsh? Absolutely. Is it true? Probably more true than a lot of people realize.
I drink wine socially. A
I drink wine socially. A glass once or twice a week is TOTALLY different from being addicted to cigarettes. It is a not a fair comparison.
Now if you are comparing an alcoholic drunk driving parent to a parent that smokes to see which is worse...obviously the drunk driving parent is worse. But why stop there? We can compare smoking parents to crack heads and heroin users. Which is worse? Obviously the drug users.
I think it is more beneficial if people just acknowledge the problem and their struggle with it, instead of comparing it to other things as a diversionary tactic.
I wasn't creating a diversion
I wasn't creating a diversion tactic. It isn't my problem to acknowledge. I'm not a smoker. However, DH does acknowledge the problem & the struggle, & he uses that struggle to try to educate his children so that hopefully they can learn from the error of his ways instead of traveling that path themselves.
The OP targeted smoking parents. I was simply pointing out that smoking isn't the only, or most dangerous bad habit a child can learn from a parent.
Smoking doesn't alter your state of mind the way alcohol can. I think it's fair to say that the example we set for our kids when we go out & drink & then drive home is more dangerous than the example we set when we go out & smoke & then drive home.
I'm not suggesting that smoking isn't bad. However, I certianly don't believe that DH is a bad parent because he struggles with the habit.
The list of bad habits that
The list of bad habits that parents can teach their kids is endless. This is also a really bad one, IMO.
congrats
congrats
Yes, I take a little space
Yes, I take a little space heater out there, for my feet. Bad for the electric bill, but better for the kiddos lungs.
My SS is severely asthmatic.
My SS is severely asthmatic. BM was baffled at my husband's issue with her smoking in the home or car while he was there. She just couldn't understand how that would agitate his asthma.
I was at the dentist's office last week. There was a lady there with a newborn baby that STUNK like an ashtray. The entire office smelled. In my opinion, that is child abuse! Absolutely with out question, child abuse. That poor baby is 4 weeks old and cannot even breathe non smoke filled air. That is so sad!
Another thing that shocks me
Another thing that shocks me with cigarettes is the COST. I cannot believe how expensive they are. How can anyone afford those things?
Agreed. Triple the price a
Agreed. Triple the price a few more times and you're still not even close to the price you pay in your health.
I absolutely don't understand how smoking parents look at their kids and CONTINUE to smoke. It's "justified" because they're honest about struggling to quit. SMH.
Certainly there are things
Certainly there are things more detrimental to be concerned with when it comes to the influence parents have on children.
How about the helpless "victims" we read about here? Those who complain about how sucky life is but make excuses for why they "can't" change it. Is it good for children to watch mommy take a verbal or physical beatdown from a man who says he loves her because she's too weak to get herself & her children out of a crappy situation? Does it set a good example when she makes excuses to stay in a miserable environment because she "loves her man"? Is it healthy for children to watch their married mothers shack up with men who are married to other women? What kind of example are the mothers who use "helplessness" as an excuse to continue a miserable life, or the ones who whine & moan about the situations they've gotten themselves into but refuse to make any effort to make things better?
I'm thinking smoking isn't the worst thing a parent can do for their children.
No parent is perfect...smokers or not. We all struggle with issues.
How many adults will spend their lives in & out of counseling because their parents smoked cigarettes? My guess...not many, if any.
Ask the same question about any of the above, & you'll have massive numbers.
A parent who is honest about struggling to quit isn't justifying it. They've recognized that it isn't good & are making an effort to beat an ugly habit.
With everything else out there, I'm not sure why smokers are the group you've chosen to judge... :?
Not suggesting you aren't free to do so. Just my thoughts.
Regardless of their struggle, if a parent is making an effort to improve they're moving in the right direction.
It's a subject close to home
It's a subject close to home for me, that's why I pick at it.
Because for every 10 parents who decides to smoke and "can't" quit, there is a kid somewhere who loses a parent to a smoking-related illness.
Will a smoking parent lead to therapy? Probably not. Will a dead parent? Most likely.
At no point have I denied there are other bigger issues or problems that parents expose their kids to. Is drunk driving worse than smoking? Sure. Is heroin worse than beer? Yup. Is beating your wife and kids more serious? Absolutely. But those things aren't the issue I'm thinking about.
I'm thinking about two skids with severe asthma living with a woman and her mother who smoke like a chimney. I'm thinking about the medications and hospital trips and endless doctors these girls deal with because their mom can't kick a habit. I'm thinking about being that kid at 16 burying both of my parents because they too, couldn't kick the habit.
Just because you choose to prioritize the potential issues that kids can be exposed to, doesn't mean the items lower on the list aren't just as serious.