Thought I might get a little more advice on the forums. Has to do with SD hiding food and dirty sanitary napkins in her room.
I'm hoping this is a regular problem with a lot of kids because if its not the regular then my SD is just NASTY! This may be a little long but please read and give me advice if you have any. A little back history. SD began living with us full time "legally" a few years back.
About a year ago she started her period. She never told me she started her period I just happened to find it out when I was in her room one day. When I was in her room making sure she didn't have any dirty clothes in there I smelled something bad. I went to look for the smell and I noticed the smell was coming from one of her drawers under her bed. When I looked in her drawer I noticed that she had started her period, bled in a new pair of jeans and underwear and just left them in her drawer with a few used pads.
This disgusted me! I however, figured she was just embarrassed about it so she didn't want me to find it. I talked to her about it, told her what to expect (cramps and bloating and those sorts of things) and told her a little bit of why women have their period. I also told her that from now on I expect the bloody clothes to be in the dirty clothes so that I can get the stains out so the clothes don't ruin. She agreed and I didn't have any problems with her for awhile.
Fast forward a few months. I always make sure she has her own little drawer in her room to put her pads and things like that. Before going to the store one day I decided to look in her drawer to see if she needed anymore women supplies. When I opened the drawer I was smacked in the face by this intense smell and of course there lay in the drawer were 3 bloody pairs of underwear and a used pad. This time I was a little bit more irritated. I basically told her to clean out her drawer and that next time this shit happens I would be telling her father. Not only will she have to endure a stricter punishment but would also be a little embarrassed. I figured in order for her to save herself the embarrassment she would actually listen this time.
Fast forward to this last weekend. I took my SD out of town and bought her a few new pairs of shorts for this upcoming summer. In her school she isn't allowed to wear short shorts. We buy her bermuda shorts, which if you don't know are just the longer shorts that go to almost the knee. We buy her those shorts and then I hem them up a little bit to where they are not as long as bermudas. So as
I'm sitting here thinking I will just go into her room and find her shorts and hem them up today while I'm not so busy. I go in her room and pull out her top drawer. I find about 10 candy wrappers, 3 snack cake wrappers and 3 granola bar wrappers. I don't understand why she is hiding food. This irritates me on a couple of things. For one, she has a trashcan in her room so why doesn't she just throw the trash in there? For two, she brushes her teeth at night and then just eats a bunch of sugar in her room. So she is basically not even brushing her teeth.
While I'm in there I say to myself," I bet she didn't listen to anything I have told her about this trash in her room." So I decide to look through the rest of her room. I find, folded up behind her t.v., a graded math test where she got an F on it. Then I find in her trashcan 3 pairs of earrings, a necklace and hair ties that we bought her for Christmas! Then I go to look in her "woman drawer" and find 2 pairs of completely bloody underwear and about 10 pad wrappers. What the hell?
SD is at school and DH is at work right now so I haven't discussed this with anyone. I was hoping to get a little advice on how to handle the situation. I'm in a bind right now. The things is SD is suppose to go to her mom's tonight. I know that if I speak with SD about it BEFORE she goes to her mom's then she will, like she always does, say," SM 2 1 was mean to me. I don't want to go back, she always makes a big deal out of everything." The only time she says this is when we get onto her before she goes to her mom's. She gets pissed off at us, bitches to her mom about it and of course her mom doesn't realize its called discipline but thinks that we are just bullying and bitching at SD for every little thing. Yet on the other hand, I don't feel that it's right that I have to hold my tongue towards what SD needs to hear about the nasty things she does just because she is going to her moms. I want to keep the peace between both households but I also don't feel its right that I have to "hold" the discipline because she is going to her mom's for the weekend. What should we do?
I might add that this is not
I might add that this is not a new thing. She has done this before and even after talking to her about it she still continues to do it.
DH is at work at the moment.
DH is at work at the moment. That's one of the reasons I posted because I have no idea what to do anymore. The first time she did it we talked to her about it and basically told her she didn't have to be ashamed. Well let me rephrase, DH told her to stop hiding stuff in her room and that if she is too embarrassed to talk to him then I'm here to talk to her. I was more of the talk to her and try to get to the bottom of it because I was more comfortable with the conversation then DH was.
Then the second time she did it, I informed DH again. However, I was still the one to talk to SD about the dirty pad part because I didn't want her to be embarrassed by talking to her dad. This second time she did it we were a little more irritated and made her clean out all of her drawers, use lysol in her drawers and dump out her trashcan.
As a punishment, so that maybe she would learn to not do it again, I told her next time she would be having the whole conversation and would be explaining herself to DH. I thought the fear of embarrassment of her dad having to have the talk with her would keep her from doing it again. Of course it didn't work and this time it's not just the bloody underwear and pad wrappers, it's now moved onto having food in her room as well.
Also, like I stated above, that she is suppose to go to her mom's tonight and I don't really know whether we should say anything to her tonight or wait for her to come home.
That's a very good idea. I
That's a very good idea. I figured I would wait until DH got home, meet him outside and let him know what was going on. Then we can take SD to meet BM and decide from there what we should do. I'm just still confused as to what we are going to say to her because it seems like every time we try to have this conversation, she just ends up doing it again and usually the next time is worse.
That is funny yet very
That is funny yet very informative! My other problem is the earrings and things that we bought her. We buy her these gifts for her birthday and Christmas, which was just this last birthday and Christmas, and she just throws the stuff away. To me that is very disrespectful.
My husband and I work very hard to make sure SD and the daughter we have together not only has the things they need but the things that they want, when they deserve it. To have her just take these things that we give her and just throw them away like they are nothing, really irritates me. The only thing I would know what to do about that would be to take away the things we have gotten her and not give them back until she can start respecting what she has.
Of course we would leave the things she NEEDS, but I feel that if we buy her things and she starts to not give a shit about them then she doesn't need all of the other things she has either. This isn't the first time she has thrown away something we have given her.
When she started school last year she was given a locker at school. She came to me and asked me if she could take a few pictures out of the photo album of me, my daughter and my DH to hang up in her locker. I told her of course and went and let her pick out a couple of photos. Well when the school year was almost over she started coming home with stuff out of her locker that she had acquired for the school year (papers, trash, nicnaks, things of that sort).
Her trashcan in her room started to get full so I told her to tie it up and go give it to my DH. My DH burns the burnable trash here at the house to save room in the trashcan because the trash man can be a little late picking up the trash every week. While he was outside burning I went out to see if he got all the trash. In the barrel, SD bag of trash lit on fire. When the bag started burning and it opened up I seen 2 out of the 3 photos that I gave her getting ready to be lit on fire. I was so pissed because 1 of them was a photo of my biodaughter. OF course when I said something to SD about it she said," Oh I must of put it in there by accident."
That's really gross! I say
That's really gross! I say tell the dad immediately, better yet tell him to go open that drawer himself! I would also send him in there every week or so to gather the nasty. No way in hell I would touch that shit! Not even with tongs!
It sounds like she is emotionally screwed up! Normal people don't do that-even if they are kids.
I wouldn't worry as much about the sweets after brushing her teeth-one shot in the mouth before a filling will solve that.
I have a SD11 who is on the nasty side as well. I guess this is what I have to look forward to. Ewww!!!
You sound like me. My SD
You sound like me. My SD leaves her crumbs everywhere. ESPECIALLY the morning she leaves to go to her mom's. Those crumbs go right off the counter and table and into her bed. I got tired of talking.
you are awesome!
you are awesome! }:)
I had this problem wit Miss
I had this problem wit Miss Snitchy right up to the day she moved out. She constantly had food and wrappers all over her room, as well as the dirty pad situation. I never understood that one.
We had 5 teen girls in the house then. And 4 bathrooms, all with trash cans with lids. I always put a bag of used grocery store plastic bags under the sink in the bathrooms for pad disposal. All 5 girls were taught to wrap their pad in tp, then put it into a plastic grocery bag and tie the bag in a knot and place it in the bathroom trash. That sounds much easier to me than dragging the nasty thing to your bedroom and putting it in the corner of your closet! EW. (We have a small male dog who loves nothing more than a tasty little sanitary napkin as a midnight snack)
When she moved out, H cleaned her room out. (He was sad and angry that she had left at 18)ugh. It was nice though, because he got to see what I had been dealing with. Dirty dishes, food wrappers, and nastyness.
I'm a real fucking bitch and
I'm a real fucking bitch and would probably take a picture of it, post it on FB and tag her in it. Ok, maybe I wouldn't do that but I'd tell her i was going to so that she would mortified and not do it again.
That's funny. However,
That's funny. However, because she isn't even responsible enough to take care of her crap or to clean up after herself, or to clean up HERSELF for that matter, she doesn't and we don't allow her to have a Facebook. Her mom on the other hand, let SD set up an account but we are blocked from it.
Have DH do the clean up and a
Have DH do the clean up and a talk with her. But this behavior does seem to warrant a psych consult.
Correct!
Correct!
Maybe you could stretch the
Maybe you could stretch the truth a little and tell her that the germs from those pads cause flesh-eating disease or something.
Out of curiosity, what is her excuse? I had primary care of my goddaughter, and I think part of it is that a lot of teenage girls are just pigs when it comes to keeping up their living space. She would help me keep up the rest of the house, but her room was truly a disaster. Smelly and disgusting.
Sorry I haven't read all the
Sorry I haven't read all the answers and hope this isn't repetitive but I'd communicate this problem with her mother. Telephone, email, via father might be best.
Tell him he needs to have a sit-down with daughter and mommy when she pickes up the kid or he delivers her whatever the arrangements are.