Nah....you are just in a bad situation for you. Some people live with it and some people move on from it. Ultimately it comes down to what you can or will tolerate. I have moved on from it. There was no way I was going to waste my life in a similar situation so this was a good choice for me. I still don't think my DH understands but that alone was not going to stop me.

All I ever wanted was peace. Oh, and love, go figure :)...now I have plenty of peace with my choice and I love myself more....

You sound as unhappy now, than you did when you first wrote. I wouldn't worry about wagging tongues. You've gone above and beyond in what most people would tolerate.

Living with a third adult since the day of your marriage. Finding out after marriage that your new wife pays half the mortgage for her other adult child. You've given it a go try, but at your age your focus should have been able to be on your new wife, enjoying life together and planning for your retirement years. Unfortunately your new wife's focus was supporting her adult children and to the extent of having her lazy lug of a grown man-baby living under your feet.

I am sorry. The end of any marriage is a difficult and sad time. However you really did try. You are probably very correct in that with a new grandchild about to arrive that your wife's focus will indeed be on running to your daughter's often and assisting in supporting the daughter even more so now than she was. With the son now moved out, still your wife's focus will be her adult children. If your wife can't put you and her marriage as the priority, why stay married?

You do what you need to do for your own happiness and peace of mind now. Be sure to take time just to totally think about yourself for a while. Life is too short to live it unhappy and feeling resentment in a marriage that just isn't working.

I wish you the best in the next chapter of your journey in life.

Admitting that a situation is not right for you does not make you a bad person. It means you have healthy boundaries.

You have been patient and thoughtful with this woman, despite her showing you clearly that she was willing to be deceitful about paying her adult kids expenses. She led you a song and dance this whole time. You are now realising what her priorities are, and they do not match your needs.

If you want to examine lessons learnt, you might reflect on how much time you spent just dating her prior to marriage. It takes a long time for people to show their true selves. The honeymoon period masks all that, so my own approach is to either not marry but simply live in an equal partnership, or have a clear agreement prior to marriage, particularly about financial matters.. Doesn't sound very romantic, but it avoids a lot of heartache later.

As for the judgment of friends and family, develop in advance some tag lines. "We married too quickly and I didn't know her well enough" or "we simply weren't suited...it was a mutual decision". Or whatever works. Just have a definitive statement that shuts the conversation down and sends a message it is none of their business. Being married twice doesn't make you unmarketable. Ift should however cause you to reflect on how you go about structuring those partnerships in the first place.

And lastly, the biggest challenge will be removing her from your home. Be prepared for some big guilt trips from her, her kids, her supporters,. How to avoid this? If the house is yours, you may need to move. Prearrange a new place, then once you have move there, serve her with papers and put the house on the market, unless you've put her on the deed. Get the thing planned with legal advice before you start giving her the bad news and calculate what you will have to concede financially to get out of the deal. It is possible an attorney may advise to not relinquish possession of the house but rather simply ask her to move. That is easier said than done.

Then go no contact asap after the filing so you avoid all the emotional crap. She will play all sorts of cards to keep the financial support going. Hopefully she will just clear off back to the UK.

steve, if you have found your marriage to be intolerable, dont be angry with yourself. cut your losses and leave.

you dont want to be weighed down with the losers your wife has for children. what do you think will happen when your sd shows her true colours? her son is already a loser.

children of ones spouse have enormous weight on the lives of step parents.

dont feel guilty for the way you feel.

had i clued in early enough on i would have left my dh. now i am here decade later and miserable. disengaging is my only tool to save my sanity.

No way are you too old if the marriage has failed then all the adults involved have to take responsibility then move on with their lives. I’ve seen it before were this type of women glorifies her adult children and gets dumped by bio dad then when she’s old and in need gets shoved off into a nursing home. Let her go to her fate.

Making a decision to stay or leave is the hardest part. If you are not happy, it maybe time to leave. Over time, I feel it is really hard to put aside all the hurt that happens in a blended family.

Life is short. May you find the right road to happiness.

I am 63 and became single a year ago. Although I have had to start from the beginning, as I left with what could fit in my car, I just love getting up in the morning and realizing I am not accountable to anyone. If feels good to leisurely have my coffee in the morning. Before I used to have to listen to my ex ramble non stop for sometimes as much as 2-3 hours as he was a retired professor and he sure did like to lecture. The dynamics were that he talked and I listened, I could hardly get a word in after he started lecturing about world events, then he wanted to debate! Who wants to debate the death penalty first thing in the morning? That really sucked as all I wanted to do was drink my coffee in peace. To top it off, middle aged tadpole would start calling promptly at 9 a.m. and he liked to create drama as a way of getting attention. So I am still sitting there trying to drink my coffee in peace and then ex's bellowing, pleading, and every other emotion starts in and I have to listen to it as he tries to reason and impart his knowledge on ss. It really stunk, every single day the same thing. I really dreaded going downstairs in the morning. I would wake up, lay in bed and say many prayers that this morning would be different. But no, I had to be lectured to. The funny thing is I have many university degrees, and yet he acted like I was his student with my little bird mouth open waiting to be fed morsels of his knowledge.

Now, I live right next to a saloon and also great restaurant with a great happy hour, they are both a blessing and a curse because I can walk there in 3 minutes. So when I feel the need to talk guess where I go to! It is so much fun and I have met many people. Never will I ever live the way I dd.

Life is short and there are so many other individuals out there that you can meet. You my dear are a rarity, not that many men out there that are single. I was asking a female friend who has been single for 20 years, why there weren't that many men out there and she replied that they are all either married or sitting home watching tv. So if you are a male, and are breathing, and willing to get your butt out the door, you will have women galore. So follow your heart and embrace the world!

Steve,
I am turning 60 next month, divorced at 51 and in various relationships since then. Mostly met by chance, some on dating sites, but my experience was having to kiss a lot of frogs before finding a prince. You are right, it's not a fun undertaking. You have to have a crocodile skin. Some of them real tossers and I know there are women like this too. You are stuck with one, really -- look how she has used you.

I would suggest letting her go. Then readjust to your single freedom and get comfortable with being alone again. Then do something like I did. Stay away from dating sites altogether. Avoid introductions from well meaning friends.

Take some trips alone, but with various groups. Special interest or special destination trips. I just took one focussed on photography and have met some great single, unattached friends. Some of them are potential partners but better to take your time and observe. It's a pleasant process, but everyone at least most folks, are looking for companionship. Being unattached has its merits at our age.

I did meet a great guy on a plane ride at age 56. We dated for 2 years and debated for a long time the merits of living together of how we handle our respective adult children. The most important thing at our age is not "being too old" but rather how,compatible your life would be with that person. We set out firm financial rules (no combining money) and we have an agreement that despite living together, we sometimes holiday together, and sometimes apart. The only understandng is fidelity which is important to both of us. No need whatever to remarry. Anyone who insists on that has ulterior motives no matter what they say.

Go forward with optimism and set ground rules for next time around. You will find someone who matches,

Hang in there, almost out. 

Best of luck to you. 

I think if you are just honest and say that you have dealt with these things and aren't good with having to deal with them and that you envisioned a different marriage with a different future. BTW- I am jealous you live in Ireland, that's my dream place to live and I hope in the future you find your niche in that beautiful country.