You are here

Therapy hell. Are all therapists Blind???

Lucytanner11's picture

BM Has had both SK’s In therapy for multiple years. Both kids have talk therapy with social workers And then a Psychiatrist for meds. They both have Been diagnosed with everything under the sun from ADHD to Depression too mood Disorders. All bullshit as far as I’m Concerned. Both kids have been in Therapy for years and still Miserable brats. SD17  loves going As she loves Playing the victim iand the poor me card. EVERYONE Falls for it and because of this she gets away with Murder at both school and home. Smart girl. BM loves going as it gives her a chance to fight and Degrade DH  as a father To professionals.Oh and play super mom and the poor single mother card. Because of these so-called Mental problems we are to tip toe around and give Special accommodations to these kids. Discipline? forget it. My question is how come these so-called professionals don’t see through all this crap? How come it’s always “the poor kids” and they never feel sorry for the adults having to deal with these monsters? Are all Therapist like this or are we just lucky to get some “real winners”? 

still learning's picture

Therapists cater to their specific clients.  Since the kids are the clients it's going to be all about them. If you go to a therapist they will focus on you and your needs since you're paying the bill. 

Notup4it's picture

That is totally true! Also mom is most likely the one selecting the therapist?! She will pick the one that most caters to what she wants to hear and that will side with her cause.  With DH’s kids most therapist stood up to her, or would try to point out what was wrong..... of course GUBM would have none of that. So the kids only go when it suits her, and she will only allow them to go to the one therapist who goes fully against the grain of all the others.

Lucytanner11's picture

BM is the one who picked out the Therapist and they DO agree with her way of parenting as NOTHING is ever the kids fault and they needed to be given Special treatment. The court picked out a family therapist  that they all went to see. This therapist did not agree with BM and she stop going after a few times. The court recommended family counseling again and my DH agreed to go to the One the court picked out. BM refused to go back to this one and Decided to pick out one on her own that she wanted to use. Notice I said she picked out the one. DH Refused to see the one she picked out and wanted to go with the one the court picked out. So one with think the court would tell her she needs to go with the one they picked out correct? No DH got in trouble with the court for refusing to go to the one BM picked out! Of course BM did not get into trouble for refusing to go to the one that the court picked out! How screwed up is that????

Notup4it's picture

We had the EXACT same situation!!!!! Only they went so far as going to a few (all of which GUBM decided not to go to after a couple times.... because “they made the kids feel extremely uncomfortable”).  It is all one giant game!! 

The courts are absolutely absurd.... I don’t understand how this stuff happens!! Absolutely appalled. 

susanm's picture

Seems pretty standard.  How many books, magazine articles, and television shows are devoted to the cult of the child and the poor put-upon "single mother?"  The prevailing wisdom is that their needs and wants come first regardless of how irrational and everyone else is way in the background no matter what.   

MissDenise's picture

From your post I'm thinking BM is a drama queen and kids are headed the same way. Not much you guys can do except provide a stable environment when the kids are in your home. So why on earth would your husband go to cousenling with his ex? I don't think a court can enforce that, can't you both step away from her. Let her go to her own head shrink.  After 3 years of drama from DH's ex we had our lawyer sent a letter by certified mail to her, stating neither one of us wished to have a relationship with her. Only with the child. If she continued to bother us we would seek legal action. Seems like a lot of the problem is your DH because he's giving them the attention which keeps reinforcing their horrible behavior. Once we completely ignored BM she finally realized it was no use and gave up. 

completely overwhelmed's picture

So much money has been wasted on SD(17)'s therapists and psychatrists. Nothing has helped. She's just gotten worse and worse. I think it really depends on the person receiving therapy to work on improving, since therapists will just keep charging for session after session and medication doesn't work on some people.

But I think SD just can't get it. Her brain was damaged by BM drinking while pregnant and she has well-below average IQ and doesn't understand cause & effect and CBT and mindfulness are beyond what she's able to comprehend. She's had "homework" from therapy that she hasn't done in over a year.

I'd pull SD out of therapy, but she has so many behavior problems at school and there are now weekly meetings with her team at school on the issues. They want us to have a plan on how to fix SD. Her meds are being switched again. More meetings with the therapists. At least it sounds good on paper but it isn't actually helping and her behavior is getting worse.


Notup4it's picture

That is the thing too... I think therapy only really works for reasonable people who WANT to change and are WILLING to.

There are others out there who will just use it to further their cause and inflict more pain/manipulation/drama.  

Think of it sort of like going to the dentist. He can tell you not to eat candy and to brush but it is really up to the patient to implement change and see error in their ways and put in the work to improve rhingsz 

DH said when he went to therapy with GUBM it was pretty much just used as another tool for manipulation- she just wanted the therapist to side with her to get.those around her to change: if the therapist was neutral in her eyes they were a horrible therapist. And therapists are just people, they aren’t miracle workers. Same with any other professional, they don’t have ALL the answers and they just try to work with what they have in front of them.  Just like in any other industry to a certain degree they can be influenced by trying to put solutions in front of their client that their client suggests as well. 

Rags's picture

I lump therapists in with lawyers and doctors.  They work for you.  If they do not deliver expectation in a reasonable timeframe fire them and find one that is worth a shit.

Though it takes personal accountability to follow through on our required efforts.