Telling BD5 that DH is not her Bio dad ...
I've been considering this for quite some time, I think for everyone involved it would be better if BD5 knows that DH is not her biological dad.
I feel sad at how this may make her feel, I don't know if there is any way to explain this to a child that is 5 without really hurting them. Im worried about how it could impact her.
DH and I have been married for a few years, when we met BD was approx 2 years old. She had limited contact with her bio dad which was stopped when he became violent towards her and a violence order was put in place. DH seemed distant towards BD in the beginning as his ex was withholding visation of SD because she was bitter over him moving on with another woman, I now feel as though he began to resent my daughter because he could not see his own. Anyway about a year passed and we discussed having our own child, he asked if he could talk to BD and ask if she would like to call him daddy. The rest is history, she calls him dad and seems to have no recollection of her biological father.
DH and I now have a 9month old baby together.
DH's relationship with SD suffered throughout this whole time, he has just recently seen her for the first time since last Christmas.
I find now when DH and I argue he separates my Bio daughters and refers to BD5 as "not his kid".. Example :"Take your kid with you when you go and leave mine here, I will look after her". He says really nasty things and makes it blatantly clear that he has no bond with BD5 and no desire to "father" her whatsoever. When all is said and done he obviously acts as though none of this has happened but the damage is done.
I don't think he deserves to have my BD5 refer to him as dad anymore and I'm tired of him holding it over my head and trying to use it against me.
How can I explain this to my BD5 without really hurting her, and furthermore when she queries her bio dad and why she cannot have any contact with him I don't know what will suffice... I feel cruel