Teen SD MIA now wants to Move in (long)
This is only my second post on here. But I’ve read so many stories here that I completely identify and sympathize with. I have nobody else to talk to.
My first post was about my oldest SD (19) who got pregnant and her and her BF were living w/ us. They did finally move out and get their own place before the baby was born. But their relationship didn’t work out and now her and the baby are back w/ her mom living 15 minutes up the road. Great. DH can see them whenever he wants and I can remain as detached or be as involved as I want to be.
Moving on to the current situation, DH’s youngest daughter (17) is now back in the picture after 4 years of no contact. Four years ago she flipped out on DH calling him a piece of shit and a bad provider because he wouldn’t drop everything that second and go buy her jeans. This girl almost ruined my relationship with him. She would stomp around the house slamming doors wherever she went, calling people names under her breath and just being a terrible kid in general with a lot of mental disturbances. I came from a broken home so I tried with everything I had to have patience with it all. But watching my husband get treated like a complete dog has caused a lot of resentment.
So now, out of the blue youngest SD is back. She’s had dinner w/ him, she’s been to our house, I’ve seen her 3 times in the last 2 weeks and he’s seen her 4 times. She asked him if she could move in with us. Things aren’t working out at her moms house, (no surprise) and she’s probably tired of living with her sister and the infant. She’s using us. My first guttural instinct is NO - absolutely not an option. We’ve already agreed numerous times that nobody is moving in w/ us again. One the other side of the coin, I want my husband to be happy and have good relationships w/ his kids. But it always come with a sacrifice on my part. The other thing is I have a great work opportunity opening up in as little as six months. So we’d be moving, something he’s been excited about with me. Granted it’s only about 2 hours away, it’s enough separation between me and kids for me to feel comfortable starting a life with him. I’ve tried talking to him realistically and making him realize that if she moves in w/ us, she’s got to move back out in the spring as soon as this job opens up.
So what do I do? Is this the last chance I give him? Do I let her move in for 6 months and if he doesn’t move w/ me for my job we’re done. Or is this just done anyway because he can’t respect vows and promises we’ve made to each other? I don’t feel like a priority to him, at all. He would literally set himself on fire for his kids if they asked him. But he’ll break a promise to me without blinking. Like so many in sure, I’m scared to be alone. I’ve been with him for 7 years and given him the best of me. And I don’t want to be alone but I don’t want to lose myself, and I already feel alone.
Thanks for listening and reading. I just feel so lost and suspended in my own life. Nobody truly gets it like some of us on here. I'm trying to justify staying with him and the reasons are diminishing.