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Talking to BM and BW

notsure420's picture

Before I found this website I thought I was the only idiot who decided to fall in love with someone with kids. I love my wife but eveyday that passes I find my self regreting her two kids. I have supported them for three years now and I am about to loose it. She tells me that I knew what I was getting myself into when we got married, which is true but I am realizing I HATE KIDS! I have done everything for them and when fathers day came and went I did not get a card or even a phone call. The kids were with there Fathers for the summer, (who have no interest in there sons lives other than visits). I told my BW that it hurt me and she said she understood. I told her I am removing them from my insurence and would no longer be active in there lives as far as parent teacher meetings, ect. She got made and asked if I was doing this step parent thing for a reward. I said no the only reason I tollerate the kids is because I love you. I tried leaving but she gave me the whole I love you, you are the one talk and even claimed she would talk care of the kids. Well the taking care of the kids idea she followed through with for about 48 hours. Now she is back to saying I married her and the kids. I don't think that is right. They have fathers and a mother so why is it my responsability to insure them,feed them ect. Oh by the way legally since I am married to there mother do I have to put them on my insurance? Am I legally responsible for them as if they were my own? I am lost I wish I had never said I do. Is there any way out without breaking her heart to the point where she is suicidal? I have been batting around the idea of having an affair to make myself feel better and appriciated. I feel like I have no control of my life. My eight year old SKID told me today that I need to quit smoking, I almost lost it. I feel as though my life is ran by SKIDS. How do I tell her that I love her but hate her kids and I am not there father? Thank you everyone. If there are any woman out there that feel the same way and would like to join up and run let me know. LOL That is how crazy I am going. Thank you for your advice. I hope someday I can give back to this great online community.

inneedofanswers's picture

I know how you feel re Fathers day!! For years I have not so much as recieved a "happy mothers day".

On my last birthday I didnt even get a "Happy birthday". I decided to let my emotion about that show and had a good cry.

SS14 birthday is a few weeks after mine and I decided I would treat him on his birthday as he treated me on mine.... the plan was all well and good until DH had to go away on SS birthday. SS BM also wasnt around for it. So good old me felt it was my resposibility to make sure he had a good day as neither of his parents were around. Failed plan!!

SS packed a shit one day a few weeks later and I bought up the way he had made me feel on my birthday and the fact he had made me cry etc. He didnt even say sorry.

Anyway last mothers day he said "Happy step mothers day".


At least it's a little bit of progress.

I keep telling myself that one day (fingers crossed) he will thank me for all the shit I have had to put up with in order to give him a better life than he would have had living with his no hope mother.

LONGTIME SM's picture

I hope that you get your wish. Unfortunately I never did and my adult steps have actually glossed over the years of bad mothering - BM calling the cops on them instead of handling bad behavior as teens, as younger children never making sure they went to the dentist or heaven forbid that they brushed their teeth, bathed routinely or had untorn clean clothing. As children stepadults were sent to us filthy, stinky, with heads full of lice, with holes in their teeth, and with dirty stained and torn clothing. BM could also never be bothered to help them with schoolwork back then.

Now however to hear SD 35 tell it BM is a saint! Best mother and grandmother ever and I am supposedly evil personified (but she trusts me to babysit her children LOL if I would just agree to do that again)! :sick:

I wish you better luck than I had!