My stress level is out of control. My chest has been hurting non stop (not to the point of needing Dr yet but considering it if it continues), I haven't ovulated this month (I had been tracking because we were trying to get pregnant, not now but just kept tracking since I had been). I told DH I was done like two weeks ago. He kind of went on like life was fine after the sort of emotional convo, although it wasn't some blow out. Then a few days later, as I felt like it didn't penetrate, I asked him what he thought the end result of that convo was and he said "that you were leaving". I explained that hasn't changed and I can't continue. We had a bit of a heated discussion but not insane. We have not been mad at each other or anything, because really at the end of the day neither of us want to seperate but SS is too much now, but it has been a bit sad.
I have basically set a date, although it can move, and started making arrangements. I need to sit down and talk to him and be TOTALLY CLEAR about it but I couldn't do it this last weekend. I just couldn't deal with a whole weekend of that stress when i was already so anxious and stressed about it all. I just needed to be home without arguing, especially with the terrorist (SS) home since he has no life and never leaves. He has an activity he does on Monday evenings so I planned to talk to him last night, so basically asap. Well, instead, he was arguing with BM via phone and text all night and could barely acknowledge my existence. She is throwing a fit because he offered to let her have more time over the summer and pay for the ticket to her. I know right, THE HORROR! That woman is insane. She actually said last night via text "Well I never read the custody argreement, I just looked at child support to see what I had to pay". Wow.
Anyway, he was doing that, was STRESSED, zoned out into text world, and by 11p.m. when there was time (I usually fall asleep by 10) I just couldn't stay up for hours having the convo. I have to talk to him more seriously about my plans but am so stressed. I love him and am hurting him which makes it hard. I don't really want to leave him, but cannot continue with SS living here, which he will, there is no way to change it or even so much as have BM have more time.
He has been trying to keep him on best behavior since I told him I was done but it's too little too late. He wants to go to family counseling but none of that will change my feelings toward SS. At best he might behave slightly better but I just hate him as a human being. He is a mean person. He has done too much damage to our relationship (SS and mine) as well as mine and DHs for me to continue. It is 100% on DH for allowing the behavior and I am very unhappy with him about that but it doesn't change that it all ends up ending in i wont live with SS. He was trying to send SS to his moms for all of the summer instead of half to help ease some stress but a.) she clearly won't be taking that, or will decide last minute and b.) that's another month and a half which I cannot survive and c.) he still will come back! I feel bad because I know he is trying. My husband is actually amazing about fixing things. If I say I need this or that to be a certain way, BAM it happens, just not with SS. I know he is trying now but I shouldn't have to be miserable, complain constantly and then only see action when I have a foot out the door. That is no way to live.
I just wish this was easier. I am so not looking forward to this conversation. I am worried he will be mad and I'll be living with that until I leave. I can't wait until the last minute but I also don't want to have weeks of stress if he reacts REALLY poorly (obviously it won't be a good reaction but sometimes his temper goes a bit nuts). I wanted to tell him can we plan to talk tonight so he doesn't get side tracked by anything else but then he will press me to tell him whats up all day.