Hi,
Have been doing very well for a while keeping BM out of OUR HOUSE. We have a special BM. BM likes to poke the kids by planting ideas and her latest has been directed at my SD. She has been doing great. Now SS left because after a few years of being put in the middle the only escape route was to live with BM full-time. Now she can't engage in the dramas of phone calls and "oh - my baby how he suffers at your house cause you aren't as GOOD as me and my new family". That pretty much sums up her primitive maturity level of about age 11.

SD was told over a week ago that she won't be able to participate in something because Dad didn't pay for it. BM got her all worked up to hysteria and THEN she came to our house. She exploded on DH and DH was dumbfounded but knew what BM had done. She emotionally charged SD by making her fearful SD wasn't going to pay for something she loves and somehow prevent her from doing it. Mind this: it is because of SD and me that she is involved in the activities she is and he has paid for many things ALONE. So the ludicrousy of doing this is only for purpose of trying to make SD angry at DH by inventing a drama.
Yesterday BM made a big deal about how DH hung the phone up at dinner table. BM had called his phone and he answered as we had table full of people and said "can she call you back right after we finish eating" and she said "yes" and he hung up. He did it abruptly not because of BM but becuz were were serving cake. SOOOO, WINDOW of opportunity for BM. She told SD that she was still talking and dad was so rude. Then she went onto to say that because dad hasn't brought check to this particular show happening she would not be able to go. Mind everyone that he was headed to that place that night with SD with check already written. BM again trying to cause issues and create drama and negativity against DH.

SO, I took a long walk. And I breathed. And I thought to myself this BM will never ever stop. She is sick. She is intentionally doing this cause she knows SD loves our house and has been very unhappy at HER house lately. VERY UNHAPPY.

What a lot of people don't know is that BM or BD CAN intentionally and methodically poison a child and have little regard for their own child. These people love themselves more than any one else in the world. Even their kids.

So it does go on. It will never end. So I came home and poured a glass of wine and just said "F$@K it". I am going to smile and laugh and crack jokes. I am not going to talk about this anymore. She wants to leave like SS down the line - then there is the door. They are all going to move out at some point in time anyways. AND we can buy a smaller house and pay a smaller mortgage.

It takes time - but sometimes you just have to get to this point of doing only what you can. Clarifying only what you can. AND if you say to the kid "your mom is causing trouble intentionally" it will come back to bite you in the butt. Kids will always defend their parents. Only chance is if they come to you - and then you have to still just listen.

My day yesterday. Hope reading this helps some poor smuck in the same boat.