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Take a breath and answer this please

AgedOut's picture

As we say goodbye to Halloween and start counting down to Christmas, I want to know how you are. Not your spouse/partner, not your kids or skiddos. Not the BM/BD/parent from hades. You. How are you? How is your mental state? What are you up to? 

When people ask us "how are you" we often reply with "fine" (which is never actually fine) or "good" (which is usually not actually good). Or we give a narrative on the hubby/wifey, kids and kinfolk. So I'm asking YOU how YOU are. How's the state of your heart and head? What is up w/ YOU? 



I'll try to reply to every reply as I box up Halloween today. 



Me? I'm good, but I do mean mostly good. Having a few health issues. Large amount of weight lost for no reason, liver #s worrisome. But I'm seeing my Dr and going for every other weekly blood work until I can see a specialist in Januray and that's a quick appt. Other than that I'm mostly happy. A few hiccups, my brother has gone silent again which means he jumped off his sober wagon and is probably drinking again. That really sucks but it's his path not mine and I can only do so much. I'm seriously considering becoming a volunteer w/ hospice. When my mom was on hospice at her nursing home and I had to go home to get some sleep and eat, they had a volunteer coordinated w/ my schedule so mom was never alone. I think I'd like to do that for someone else's family as kind of a pay it back thing. 


So back to you... how are YOU? 


justmakingthebest's picture

This is really sweet of you to ask! 

I hope you get some answers from your doctor soon. My dad is a hospice nurse. He has a serious love/hate relationship with his job but he is really good at it and knowing how much comfort he gives to his patients and their families mean the world to him. I know it means the world to them as well. 

As for me... I'm not sure how I am doing honestly. I feel so much anxiety lately and feeling a little lost. I put on the brave face and pretend to have it together. Hopefully it all just works out in the end. 

AgedOut's picture

it sounds like you lost your balance right now. maybe google/find some pre-Christmas events that you really want to do and do them! If no one in the family wants to go w/, ask a friend or a coworker or go alone and enjoy!! 


AgedOut's picture

I wanted to add that I sincerely admire what your Dad does. It is a noble job to give comfort to patients and their families at the end stage of life. 

Rags's picture

Work is maintaining a mostly positive trajectory.  My worrysome #2 is mostly contained for now.  How I have dealt with him has cost me a recent promotion opportunity though.  I won't get promoted. Until he is no longer with the company.  Not a position I like being in.

I just got back from celebrating mom and dad's 60th anniversary.  We had a huge celebration planned this past summer in their actual anniversary.  30+ guests.  Mom ended up in the hospital a few days before so that was canceled.  This weekend was the make up celebration with only family.  It was a nice event.

I have had a bit of a sad reaction though.  As I hugged my parents good bye on Sunday it was a gut wrenching thing. Dad is 80, mom will be 78 next month.   Both are very healthy but the math doesn't lie.   In the reasonably near future I will have my last hugs with them.  I'm still ruminating in that epiphany a bit.

DW is amazing as usual though is going down the procrastination path I knew she would.  Once the 18hr days 7 days a week pressure is off in mid Oct she freezes on taking steps to make a career transition.  Two+ weeks and DH hasn't done shit to update her resume.  I'm getting decidedly irritated at this point.

The skid is doing great.

So, I'm pretty good, we all are.  Not that there aren't things that could be better.

AgedOut's picture

I understand that feeling about your folks. You don't want to think about them being that age but reality is a kick in the ass too. 60 years though... wow!! I think that's amazing. that's more years than me (59). Savor those times you can spend w/ them, relive the memories and ask questions knowing you're going to hear stories you've heard you whole life. Those are the things I miss the most, those familiar old stories. 


Your DW is probably scared. It's one thing to talk about it but when it's time to act it can feel overwhelming to make huge changes at our ages. She may just be having stage fright. I think I would. 

Rags's picture

I relish the stories.  Over and over again is just fine with he.  I have learned not to correct when the stories change a bit.  I just soak them in.  I won the parent lottery. Truly.

DW is very change averse though once she actually engages in driving the change she thrives.  She recently turned 47 so is a decade or so behind you and I.

TY for this thread and TY for the advice.

It is appreciated.

Give rose

DPW's picture

Thank you for asking. Hope your health issues resolve themselves.

I have had a lot of change in my life in the last two months and I am handling it pretty darn well. I quit my job, downsized my apartment life to my what could fit in my wheels, left the sh*t city I was living in and moved with my SO to another city 12 hours away with much better opportunities and much better weather! We found a beautiful furnished apartment immediately and are living on the water. SO got a job last week and I have an important interview today. Things are looking up. 

We've been doing well... a few panic sessions but nothing serious. I am eternally grateful for the transition and am excited about the next phase in my life. 

halo1998's picture

I'm good...for the most part.  I'm learning to find my voice in my marraige and not accept crappy behavior.  I have my moments of *oh shiznit* what am I doing as well as moments of *oh f*ck that is triggering*.  Those moments are becoming fewer and easier to work through.  I'm happy with my life right now...its needs a few tweeks here and there but for the most part I'm happier than I have been in about 10 years.  I'm also far more calm and my anxiety has lessoned significantly.  Dh's has risen..but that is his horse to ride not mine. So..either way of how my marriage turns out..I'm good.  I'm learning alot about myself and making changes for me.


AgedOut's picture

I think you found the key: your personal happiness. I love that you've started focusing on that and letting the static roll off of you. 

JRI's picture

I'm doing pretty well, thanks for asking.  I have some out-patient eye surgery next week but it should eventually improve my sight.  My son and DIL are staying with us while they transition to their new home.

DH85 and I are thinking about downsizing but we will wait to consider it more seriously when the holidays are over and son and DIL move out.  My mom99  is In a long-term place near here so we might wait awhile before making a decision.  But this house and the yard are starting to be beyond us.  Changes are coming.....

Thanks, again, for kindly asking us all how we are doing.

AgedOut's picture

I'll be sending my good vibes for your upcoming surgery. Getting older is a crap shoot and some times down sizing is exactly what you need. 

Merry's picture

This is a great post. Thank you.

I'm hanging on by my fingernails, but hanging on nonetheless. DH is dealing with yet another major health crisis. We are pretty sure of diagnosis but waiting on confirmatory tests. The neurologist won't see him until test results are in, and in the meantime he is weak and just unable to do very much. So, all household responsibilities now fall to me. I work a 50+ hr/wk pressure cooker job. Retirement is on the horizon, 6 or 8 months out.

Funny thing though. It's always been a struggle to get DH to pull his weight around the house. He'd putter with his hobbies, maybe work in the yard. But clean the kitchen? Take out trash? Nah, he admits he's lazy when it comes to things he doesn't like. I've lost it on him more than once--his laziness means work for me and oh hell no. But now with his inability (we hope temporary) to do anything, I am not one bit resentful. He expresses his appreciation frequently and does what he can. But watching my funny, energetic, talented spouse turn into a doddering old man is really, really  hard.

I have no idea what his kids know. If they call him it's when I'm at work, and they used to call weekends and evenings. I'd even answer the phone and chat occasionally. Can't remember the last time I heard him talking to them. I don't ask.

AgedOut's picture

Keep hanging on!! Be that cat in the poster from the 70s. Hang in there baby. I hope you can get the answers for your husband. Medical limbo sucks big time. Let us know when we can start the 'Days to Retirement' count down. 

PetSpoiler's picture

I'm perimenopausal I think.  My primary doctor didn't seem to believe me.  My gynecologist says my symptoms are consistent with PMDD.  She offered me birth control or an antidepressant.  I said no.  She said it didn't sound like I need HRT after I told her how my mom did on it when she tried it.  There's a lot of cancer on my dad's side of the family so I prefer to steer clear of it anyway.  My mom gave me "The Talk: Menopause Edition" last year when I told her my symptoms, confirming what I suspected.  It was helpful even if her experience was different and she doesn't remember everything about it.  It's not fun.

I've been stressed the past week and a half, crying out of the blue on occasion, but some of it I think is tears of relief.  My uncle, my favorite uncle, who at times has stepped in when I needed fatherly advice, had a heart attack back on the 22nd.  My aunt was able to get him help and he is back at home, doing well. There is still a matter of a collapsed stent from a previous heart attack that is too dangerous to repair and I can tell that my aunt is still worried about that.  I don't know a lot about those things so am trying not to think about it.  We could've lost him.  If my aunt hadn't been there, and hadn't been able to do the chest compressions, he might not be here.  He was taken to probably the best hospital in the state.  

My brother is still recovering from the widow maker that he had almost six months ago.  He is improving and that makes me feel better.  He's getting around with a cane now.  He was in a wheelchair.  

  I finally got to hug my mom for the first time in almost three years.  She's been keeping away from people due to the pandemic but my sister has been pushing her to rejoin society in baby steps.  

So I've been up and down for a while now.  Quite the roller coaster ride.  

AgedOut's picture

you have quite a handful w/out the threat of the menopausal beast. that in itself can make your eye glow at times. I'm glad your loved ones are on the mend. And also that your Mom is loosening the bars and stepping out a bit more. I get her fear for her health but mental health is just as important at times. For all of us.

CajunMom's picture

My prayer is you get your answers for the health issues. That's a hard journey. And volunteering for Hospice is a great way to give back. My friend, a certified counselor, works with a local agency. Hard job but what a gift to the recipient. 

Me? I'm going well mostly. I do have a bit of stress due to learning DHs oldest daughter is thinking about moving back to our area which may mean his youngest "mental" daughter may come back. She's giving it three months which means she will be back January 2023 if she decides to move. My prayer is she gets "connected" and stays where she is (she says she can't get connected in her current area wherever that means). So, I try to keep it at the back of my mind. No need to take on troubles that may never happen. And I'm well prepared should she, or both of them, move back. 

On a good note, my daughter and her GF are so happy together and my son just finished his Masters with top scores. My DH and I are finally on the same page in regards to StepHell and are truly happy these days. 17 years strong. Been through hell but we came out better and smarter. 

AgedOut's picture

if I moved every time I feltt unconnected I'd be frikkin Carmen Santiago. I hope your oldest SK finds her base, so to speak, the last thing you need is a drive by from crazy every week or so. 

17 years of steplife should be equal to 45 years of non-steplife. Like in dog years but less furry and cute!

SeeYouNever's picture

Tha k you for making us reflect on ourselves for once. 

I'm doing ok, stressed with work but it's a good type of stressed. It's good to be busy. I recently got a promotion and I feel valued and respected. Moving up a level has given me some more confidence to speak out in meetings and share my thoughts. It's quite interesting that I really feel like the adult in the room now. I'm a respected expert in my field it's pretty exciting.

My girls are three and one and a half and they are a lot easier now than they used to be. It's less draining being a mom and more enjoyable.

I had been trying to eat healthy for a few weeks and then last week I didn't pay attention to my diet because I just wanted to eat some delicious food. I was worried that I had gained back what I lost but I haven't! It's time to get back on my clean eating but I think once in awhile it's okay to just enjoy yourself. I need to cut back on the drinking though. Maybe I will try drinking some chamomile tea in the evening instead of wine. I tend to drink in the evening in order to take the edge off the day and relax, not to get drunk. I need to find another way to relax.

AgedOut's picture

Congratulations on your promotion!! I'm glad you're finding your work voice, it's even better that they're listening to you!

If you can figure out how to balance the not watcihng the weight vs counting every grain of rice, let me know. I'm kind of doing the opposite right now but the Mr's belly shakes like a bowlful of jelly and we're trying to healthy him up a bit. 


I love that age. Of course this means you're about to hit the old enough for glitter stage but I will pray for your sanity I promise!


SeeYouNever's picture

For now I'm trying to eat as many veggies and fruits as possible but nothing gets cut out, I just have a smaller portion of the good stuff. Bread, cheese and wine are what make life worth living.

Also finding something healthy for me to eat that my kids will also eat is not always easy. They have chicken tenders and mac and cheese while I have chicken tenders on top of a salad.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Thank you for asking us!

I rarely think of myself and some days feel like I'm hanging by a quickly fraying thread - the past 2 weeks have been a nightmare. Burning the candle at both ends and then some. I've bitten off more than I can chew and am trying to figure out where I can ease off. Not one bloody thing comes to mind because the cost of everything is going up uP UP. Sigh...

AgedOut's picture

Don't run yourself so ragged that you can't recharge. Plug yourself into whatever gives you joy and spend a bit of time just doing nothing. Some of the static in your life can just take a damn seat so that you can fill your batteries back up. I can feel your post and I can tell you're on your last leg. Even if it's only in between the other things, give yourself the gift of you time. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Not on my last leg, but feeling a little frazzled. Having King Pita for a boss is a big part of it.

Cover1W's picture


Sometimes I get twitchy.  LOL - like yesterday I couldn't seem to get it under control even though things were. Mainly work - I have a really good fun job with great co-workers but dang, they keep on giving us more to do; recently on an advisory group I'm on (senior employees/subject experts), one of us was literally fired from the group!  LOL - seriously!  He's like, "OK, great. See-ya!" Us three remaining advisors meet with the group leaders this afternoon and we aren't taking any cr*p at this point. They think we don't talk amongst ourselves?  Anyway, I did get a promotion and a nice raise this summer and likely another COLA raise this month so I'm not complaining. Plus generous benefits and flexible remote work plan. I'm planning on retiring from there in 10-15 years.

DH and I are good. He's making a concerted effort to be more involved. We were doing so many things separately; basically I just didn't care if he was there because he wouldn't be "there."  His ADD was all over the place and his chronic mild depression was rearing it's head again. But he took care of it, said he didn't want to be "missing" from our lives. We're talking about the future again and what we'll do even in upcoming 2023.  All good. Hopefully the economy doesn't sink or COVID take over again.

My beloved boy-kitty has been doing fantastic on his fluid treatments and kidney drugs. He also received a new kitty arthritis med (injection) that was AMAZING. He's no longer in his creaky joints and is eating more and much more active and "himself." Although he's getting fluids every 2-3 days (less so now that it's not hot), which is an increase he's looking great. He may not play as long as he used to...but you'd never know he was sick. The vet was suprised when she saw him a couple weeks ago. We both thought he'd be gone by October.  I know it can be any time though and he's just getting all the love and snuggles he can get - and the special treats he can have EVERY DAY. He's always amazed when he gets one.  LOL. I'll miss him (and his sister still who passed a year ago) terribly.  No more pets though, we want to travel at any time.

My parents are driving away my niece and estranging my sister from them at this point. They want those two to do and act as told. And any disagreement is met with stonewalling. My mom is a narc and my dad her total enabler. So of course if you don't do as she wants or expects you are on the outs. Then my dad steps in and tries to smooth it over. Good on my sis and niece though as they see through it and are not playing that game. And I don't play it when my mother tries to play sides when I talk with her (oh, she hates that).

Looking forward to this month, a little time away from work, and fires in the fireplace!

AgedOut's picture

I'm glad your kitty's perking up a bit. Pets are family and when one member is hurting, the whole family feels it. 

Fires in the fireplace sounds wonderful. I'm ready for chilly evenings and snuggling with my balnkets and books. And the Mr and the dog too of course ..

I get your frustration w/ your husband's ADD. Well kind of, I have the attention span of a flea. I'm glad he's being proactive, it will make for a much better holiday season for both of you!


AlmostGone834's picture

Thank you for asking. 

Losing a large amount of weight for no reason is worrisome. What has your doctor said could be the possible cause? 

I too just finished boxing up the Halloween stuff. I'm not really feeling the holiday spirit this year. I just feel tired and of course I'm dreading the bill-annual visit of Little Idiot SD22.5 and Goofy. I wish it was say March and August that they visited, instead of December. 

AgedOut's picture

I'm not feeling my usual love of tubs upon tubs of Christmas stuff. I had to force myself to do it for Halloween and I really only did it because the neighborhood kids would be disappointed if I didn't do it. I did leave the spider web across the house off my decorating this year. Just not feeling it. 

My Dr doesn't know. He's sending me for a consult. but that isn't until January unless my numbers get worse or my weight loss gets faster I think it may be a combo of things. He thinks the liver numbers are worth seeing the specialist, the weight loss has us stymied. Funny enough my last set of blood work ruled out the heps and syphylis which I didn't even know was still a thing. Meh. Just meh!!


I am changing up our Christmas decos this year. More vintage with vibrant colors and shapes. Less trinkety. I'm hoping the change get me llooking forward to Christmas. Thanksgiving I am delegating to the kids. I'll do the basics but they're bringing sides and desserts.


maybe we should form a 'Jump Start The Holidays' club and try to work up the excitement by committee.. I'll trade you LI and the Goof and you can take my brother???

AlmostGone834's picture

I'll trade haha! If your brother is off the wagon again he just might fit in well with a small but significant portion of my family. I'll sit him next to them and they can imbibe together. Be warned though, Goofy himself has been known to drink to excess during the holidays. Last New Years he was out of control and downright obnoxious.

Seriously though I am sorry to hear about your brother. I know from personal experience it's hard to watch. I hope you get some answers soon about your weight loss and I always tell women especially that we have to push especially hard to be heard unfortunately. 

I love vintage Christmas decorations, the shiny brite ornaments... the old fashioned santas... particularly fond of 1940s-1960s/mid century Christmas. The Vermont Country Store website always has cute reproductions!

I was irritated at DH the other night and told him if he wanted to roll out the red carpet for Little Idiot and Goofy as far as decorating goes, he would have to carry down the boxes and bring them back up because I just don't have the energy

AgedOut's picture

Good for you!! He can do the fetching!!


You know people who have those laughs that amuse you at first but then get super annoying?? that's my brother's laugh, it gets louder and longer if he drinks. Be careful what you trade for!!  I'd put LI next to the stoners and she can spend her time trying to figure out what they hell they're talking about! 


I collect vintage ornaments. Sadly many many of them. I even have my grandparents ornaments. There's something classy about them, so fragile and beautiful. 


Winterglow's picture

I'm glad you didn't do the spider's web - it's a hazard for birds. It may look light and harmless but it can tangle and entrap birds as big as owls. Well done you! 

CLove's picture

I am trying to lose weight, but want the healthy ways. Im sorry to read of your challenges! Losing weight super fast would def stress me out...sending thoughts and prayers for your journey with health.

I plan on going back to the gymn and becoming a gymn rat. I want to train for long hikes and climbs as well as the bike. I started hiking at the beginning of this year because things with Husband were so bad...I needed to get the heck out. Things have improved there (mostly...)

Ive met all my weight goals last month and weighed in this am and met the last goal for last month, so I am thrilled! 

I made some really big life shifts lately, so I am happy about that. Goal setting, being more positive at work, more proactive, eating healthy.

Cleaning the house bit by bit, and working some on the backyard, that always makes me happy. Husband made me a little coffee corner in the front, so I did some transplanting of succulents in pots plus a marigold bush I had languishing in a bucket...and some lemon plants I germinated from seed. Its a really sunny spot and out of the wind, perfect for mornings.

Im replanting a 20-year old Jade tree. I say 20 because Ive had it for 16 years plus...and I trunk chopped it and it was pretty thick then. And just working on plantings against the fence. Next up is my fig and then passion vine. My soil is hard pan clay, so I ship and scrape with a mallet and chisel, and put water in it...until its big and deep. Then use spikes to go deeper and fill with rich organic soil. So far so good!

Got some new goldfish to keep the koi happy in my fish tank, which is located in my Clove room. Working on cleaning and clearing that room and organising. Ive left it alone for a really long time, but winter is here now and its cold outside...

Got my last wisdom tooth pulled yesterday. I stressed all weekend. Rested up. Didnt go out. Kept eating healthy. And it was quick, painless and easy-peasy. 

I can now get invisalign to straighten top. Bottom might take another extraction before I can start straightening that. But first and foremost, I have a full xray planned for mid-December, so I can check everything out, and get a cleaning. This is huge because sad to say its been several years since Ive gone to a dentist. I try to take really good care of my teeth and dont eat sweets at all, nor drink sodas, etc. Brush on the regular. But I NEED to really focus on taking care of myself. So because I have fabulous insurance through work, and our season has wound down, Im scheduling as much as I can reasonably. I need my 50-year check (Im 54!), as well...eek colonoscopy!

So, shifting...mainly off my butt.


Thank you for asking and reading!

Rags's picture


DW and I are working on it as well.  She is down 25+ and I am down nearly 40 since June 26. We are doing a medically supervised low carb low fat high protein thing. We have not yet added in fitness but that is coming.

Take care of you. Your are inspiring.

AgedOut's picture

It sounds like you are starting to put you first, both physically and mentally. I'm in envy of your plantings. I just got done preparing the yard for Winter. Winter in NY is pretty the first two weeks but after that I'm ready to bring in Spring. I am researching a Burning Bush to put in the back yard next year. I put in a Butterfly Bush but it isn't doing as well as I hoped so I'm hoping having company will get it going. Remember looking through the Wish Book catalogs we got every Fall, picking out the pages with our favorite toys and hoping we get them? That's me with garden catalogs. 


I am in awe of you taking the bull by the horns and upping your gym time. I really should do the same but since I'm typing this while waiting for cookies to bake.... probably going to take dynomite to move my butt. 

Schedule that physical and get that colonoscopy. They are more important than we think.. quoting my dr ... but they are important and soooo easy to put off. 




Shieldmaiden's picture

Doing ok. I am setting boundaries again with DH and SD16 and 18. It is causing me some major anxiety because I know they will blow up at me again when they come over. I am going to start saving some money and spend a little on a massage to help relax me. I stocked up on weed gummies, which are legal in my state, thank god. I get the ones for sleep so they help with anxiety too. I threw out all the gifts and cards from the skids that I had saved, stupidly, out of love. Now I know the truth, so all of that went in the trash can. I am debating putting a little laxative in their Mac in Cheese, just to help them stay regular with their no-vegie diet. LOL. So, yeah. I am a mess. But I will not give up. I will make their lives miserable until they get the heck outta my house and get jobs. 

AgedOut's picture

They sow the seeds of hate, they can't complain w/ what comes up. 

When someone throws crap at you, you do not have to stand in the line of fire. I'm glad you're stepping away from them but I am sorry they hurt you.

Winterglow's picture

Shieldmaiden (sigh, eyeroll), if you're going to do something, do it right. None of this half-hearted, slipshod stuff here, ya hear me? Laxative AND fart powder and only for their last meal before going home to mummikins.

strugglingSM's picture

I'm feeling overwhelmed. We are adding another baby to our family in December and I cannot wrap my mind around managing two small children. Add that to Skid and In-law drama and very little family support (because my family lives far away) and it feels like a lot. I'm trying to put my focus on building plans and processes that will help me be more efficient with how I manage household things...and more directive with DH about what he needs to be doing to support our home. Since this is my second, I'm more prepared about managing boundaries with Skids and in-laws, so that's one good thing! 

AgedOut's picture

Just one of those things would be overwhelming. Since BM is willing to make plans w/ your in-laws w/out thinking of you, throw them all to the side and focus soley on your little family. I'm pretty excited for your new baby, my oldest was born on 12/22, luckily because he has an Aunt and an Uncle born on Christmas day. 


Bounderies are good and remember you don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for setting them. This is you time, time for you and your little family. 

ImperfectlyPerfect's picture

I am feeling good - a few work stresses but I am overall happy. My bubble was burst a bit when I found out adult SKIDs are decending upon us for thanksgiving. One I am ok with, the other blames me for everything and he's got a pretty mouthy wife. We'll see how it goes. I am taking every day as a blessing and prepring myself to be scarce for that holiday. I am also closing down the wallet - I've agreed to pay for a finite amount of items and that's all I am willing to do, no extras. 

AgedOut's picture

Good. Tell everyone you're simplifying and you've eliminated the excess. Invite a buffer too, then you have someone to talk to as you count down the seconds they will be there annoying the piss out of you!



Ispofacto's picture

I have a lot to be thankful for, objectively my life is great, but some days I'm crushed by the weight of PTSD.


AgedOut's picture

I'm sorry. I can't say I fully understand how you must feel at times but I'm guessing it can overwhelm you. What helps when you feel so crushed?

Barelycoping's picture

I hope you sort your health out.


Well today I made my first sale on a little business am trying to get off the ground all amidst being a new mum to an energetic toddler that I care for 24/7 (Dh doesn't pull his weight here) . This made my day despite exhaustion and sleep deprivation that have become a new normal for me. I am finding my voice in my marriage but am not quite there. I feel financial independence will make me speak a whole hell of a lot more. Am starting from scratch in another country so difficult is an understatement but I am pushing forward. I generally want to be less dependant on Dh for stuff like driving me places financially too and very slowly it's shaping up and am grateful. The whole blended family thing still sucks the life out of me and I think about walking away often these days. After a pandemic a baby the aftermath of both throw in special needs skids a disney dad high conflict bm oh boy a small house somewhere just me my baby and a dog seems so so lovely. But I need my own money this will yeild options.

Someoneelse's picture

How am I? kinda stressed, my husband is sick, and you know how men are, when they are sick... they are f*cking useless big babies... he's already turned into a big baby on the daily even when he is well... can't make his own meals, so all day long, I am working from home, as is he, but asks me to make him breakfast lunch and dinner, and that's when he's WELL! I am so agrivated by him lately, when the night is over and we go to bed, instead of turning on the TV to something we both enjoy he's got it on youtube gambling channel... I turn over and play on my phone, but he wants to join in conversation about what he's watching and I just give him dry feedback like, "crazy huh", "mmhmm", "wow", "right".... I end up pulling the blanket over my head and just go to sleep.

ALSO my oldest (19yo) daughter (who is living at home) is also sick, she's got some viral infection, and bacterial eye infection... and it looks AWEFUL, but she can't go to work, so she's ALSO home right now... and I am the only one well...

I am on a weightloss journey, waking up early to exercise, cooking healthy meals... and watching every single thing I put in my body... and my husband brings home cookies and gatorade.... I am over weight because I have a weak willpower... my weakspot is cookies and sweets... granted, he is keeping the cookies on his side of the bed... but still, he offers them... and I TRY to say no... but it's so hard... I try to NOT keep those things in the house... but he brings them in... WE wanted to start losing weight... he saw BM had lost some weight, and it made him feel bad about himself, and I am ALWAYS up for trying to lose weight... so I told him, "Lets make this our motivation... WE want to lose weight better than she is!!!" (yes I know that is petty, but we can be petty in that way if it means we're getting healthy!) But now we turned into I, and I am doing it BY MYSELF!!!! But I am still trying.

SO I am also cooking healthy extravagant meals... and I am the only one enjoying them, and it sucks @$$! DD and DH both will eat a few bites and be like, "I wasn't that hungry" I mean, my meals are GOOD!!! they just aren't fried and greasy and covered in bacon. I made Moroccan chicken with so much flavor in an amazing sauce served over coucous with roasted veggies... and nope, they weren't having it. I made a chicken and peanut stew with sweet potatoes and it was FULL of flavor and just a hint of spice... no, they weren't hungry... I made a creamy coconut chicken chipotle bowl... nope, not hungry... I get sooooooo frustrated!!! I work so hard to make different healthy meals, and they just don't appreciate it.

ON the bright side, my 18yo is coming home from college next week!!!!

Winterglow's picture

Two things:

  • Ask your DuH what kind of twisted pleasure he gets out of trying to get you to eat cookies and other crap when he knows damn well tyhat you're trying to lose weight. Ask him what's in it for him. Why the sabotage? Ask him if he really hates you that much. Go for the jugular. Shame him. Make him feel bad about trying to sabotage your efforts to be a healthier you.
  • Keep on making your delicious food but ... save it for yourself. Eat one portion and freeze the rest as individual portions that you can savour at your leisure. Personally, I would have devoured any one of your dishes and asked for more! The ungrateful wretch that he is. Does he smoke? Drink? If the answer is yes to either of the questions he may just have killed his tastebuds that way and probably relies on texture (the crunch of deep fried stuff) for his pleasure. Either way, pearls before swine, my dear, pearls before swine.

Someoneelse's picture

Thank you! It just really gets frustrating, and he wasn't like this when we got married. He has a bad hip, and occasionally he would ask me to bring him things, and as he aged it got a little worse, mostly just in the colder months (it doesn't get THAT cold, and only for MAYBE a few weeks out of the year). And he got a hip replacement a year and a half ago, and he doesn't even take pain meds anymore! he feels a LOT better. But his dependence on me has ONLY gotten worse. He doesn't drink hardly at all, and he used to smoke cigars a little, but none in a few years.