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Struggling with feelings

YoungMommyof4's picture

Ok.... my husband and I were on our way home from a family members house on thanksgiving. My ss blurted out that his mom is pregnant. I am also pregnant ...I’m a lot farther along than her. I’m starting to feel this is more than just a coincindence because this is the second time it’s happened, exactly the same way except. The first time we told her , a few months later she’s pregnant with someone she hadn’t been with long. Then, she lost her baby and now she’s pregnant with baby #4 with another ex boyfriend. :? :? Bm and I/DH have a decent relationship but still...idk....? were worried about our ss as well because he’s not as stable with his mom . She’s back and forth between boyfriends and she’s always saying how she has trouble with ss behavior wise /with school. He’s likes things structured and doesn’t have that with her. Here he does. Now he has to adjust to two newborn siblings at the end of his school year (with us) and one during that start of new school year (with Mom). I told her congratulations but I just don’t even know how to feel or if I should feel anything...even though we kinda predicted it would happen. So why is this bothering me???????????

momjeans's picture

I wouldn’t put too much of anything into it, if I were you. It should be a non issue.

This could also be your hormones too, so, again, I’d put effort into not making it an issue for you personally. Focus on your pregnancy and let DH and BM work on this transition for their child, in welcoming two new siblings.

Just keep an open and honest dialogue with him. Also, there are some great books about new babies and blended families, geared towards younger children.

YoungMommyof4's picture

Thanks. I think a a lot of things are getting to me lately but no matter what we do our best to be supportive of our kiddos and any new changes that come along. Sometimes just being able to express myself helps. I’ll continue to just do my own thing.

jollybean's picture

I read as much as I can on here so post for people like me, I’m here to learn and it could be your experience which helps me the most, you never know. I feel like BM thinks it’s a competition in babymaking and you’re feeling annoyed by her not taking responsibility for her mess. Baby traps never work, men don’t love the woman they only love the child out of guilt.

YoungMommyof4's picture

Yes I do feel like she is trying to compete with me , especially due to the timing of it all. I totally agree ...i feel as though she should be more responsible and not so careless

marblefawn's picture

Shortly after my sister in law announced her pregnancy, her sister announced a "surprise" pregnancy before her wedding with the birth coming after her wedding. My sister in law fumed. I never saw her like that - she was so ugly! I think she felt her sister's pregnancy stole her thunder. Could you feel a little competitive? Maybe like the thrill of your pregnancy/baby's arrival might be diluted because of her pregnancy/baby's arrival? It's OK - jealousy is totally normal and on top of that, your hormones might be heightening feelings.
It sounds as if you're giving your SS such a gift with a stable home and a good relationship with his mom. Never mind what she's doing. No one can steal your thunder unless you let them. Don't let this shake you. Just tell yourself it's hormones and get to knitting those booties.

YoungMommyof4's picture

Thank you ! I feel as though she’s trying to compete with me , as this is this second time it’s happened, pretty much same way and timing, except different boyfriends. I do my best to be a good step mom and not stoop down to those levels. Even though I was threw for a loop after giving the benefit of the doubt, I still said congrats to her ( we get along well for the most part) and I asked ss if he was excited and told him I was glad. I think I did get a little jealous, not because of the fact that she’s pregnant. I think it’s mainly the timing . I was just so excited to have this bonding experience with my ss and family and I felt like she was taking away from it. Like why couldn’t she have waited, or she had plenty of time before she found out we were expecting...I realize how stupid and ugly that sounds Sad sorry . Im going threw a lot at the moment on top of pregnancy. We’re weaning and sleep training our 23 month old so it’s been rough. I’m overcoming those feelings. There’s ways I can still make things exciting, enjoy my pregnancy and not let it get to me. Being the bigger person is the right thing to do. It helps having all of your perspectives!

YoungMommyof4's picture

Ok guys...I thought it couldn’t get much weirder than this...but it seems like everything I do BM has to do it too. Anywho...just found out that BM chose baby names and the girls name is similar to ours, which we announced our little girls a little while ago. I guess I know to expect it

Rags's picture

BM's timely pregnancies (one lost) are highly suspect IMHO. I would posit that she likely was never pregnant the last time and it is likely that she isn't pregnant now.

If she is.. it is likely in response to you being pregnant and is a way for her to remain on equal footing with you and her X in the excitement game.

The SKid will be fine if you and DH continue to set the examples of a healthy adult relationship and quality family life for him. He will need those examples to overcome the crappy examples his mother is setting.

Congratulations on the baby.