Straw that broke the camel's back
Just curious...for those of you who have struggled with SKs/lack of OH support, what was the straw that broke the camel's back? This might have been the point you needed to redefine your relationship, establish some rules or even walk away. I was just wondering what happened for you to have reached any of those points.
OH and I have been together for 20 years and married for 15. We have DD16 & DS14 and there are also SD30 & SD28. Although I had a good relationship with both SDs when they were younger, this deteriorated over time due to Disney Dad parenting and an inability by OH to accept that were not perfect angels and to deal with the consequences. In particular, OSD could do no wrong and as No.1 princess for so long, she wasn't about to relinquish that position easily.
It seems like a lot of people on here, we only fight over the SDs but things came to a head over a relatively small matter. For me though, it was the straw that broke the camel's back as I was sick and tired of being disrespected (and OSD is VERY good at behaving one way infront of DH and being completely different when just me and her). She was supposed to make a phonecall to me to confirm a possible event that I needed to make plans for. She never phoned me but she told DH that she did. His answer to me was 'If OSD says she phoned, then she did. She doesn't lie'. The phonecall was neither here nor there really but it was his response which made me see red. I showed him my call history and it was implied that I had deleted the call. So I told him that if she was telling the truth, she would have no problem in showing us her call history when she next came and just in case she'd 'accidentally deleted ' it, to tell her to bring the actual phone bill as well. Unsurprisingly she turned up with neither, having already told DH in the car on the way over that she'd lost the bill and accidentally deleted her call history. What she did manage to turn up with was a huge smirk on her face and remained glued to OH for the rest of the weekend.
I could list similar occurences as long as my arm but suffice to say, that was the point I decided I'd had enough (she was 18 at the time) and told OH that she was no longer welcome in our house.
His answer to me was 'If OSD
His answer to me was 'If OSD says she phoned, then she did. She doesn't lie'.
I don't know what would have stopped me from kicking his @ss out that door with that statement above. So he's basically saying that OSD doesn't lie but you do?? So when she showed no proof of said statement he still looks the other way and doesn't address the lack of disrespect that she has towards YOU his wife......Hell no, no way in hell! Glad you put your foot down and she's no longer allowed in your home...continue setting boundaries and keep getting in your H's @ss if he allows her to disrespect you.
Yes, Keep Those Boundaries In Place
I had a similar situation happen, where I knew DH had been talkling about me to SD, and as a result he promised to cut communication with her. Same song and dance with the phone, but I went ONLINE to our account, which updates EVERY 15 minutes, and I physically showed DH that an arrow pointing "up" means you made an outgoing call, and one pointing "down" means you received a call. Here is SD's number on both incoming and outgoing calls. Would you please explain this to me? He said, "Something must be wrong with the phone provider's website." Um-really? I don't think so.
My point is, even if you have black and white PROOF he is lying, he will diligently maintain his SD loyalty.
So sad.
Oh my word the denial runs
Oh my word the denial runs deep with these iditos wow!!
His answer to me was 'If OSD
His answer to me was 'If OSD says she phoned, then she did. She doesn't lie'.
So, he was saying that YOU DO lie. Nice.
My SD once tried this same bullshit years ago, saying that she had called and left a message on the machine, that I must have deleted it, which I have NEVER done and I never would.
I called her a liar, and she asked DH, "Are you going to let her talk to me like that?" (I thought, seriously, she expects him to scold me?)
DH told her, "She's not the one lying." He knew damn well that it was his 17 year old daughter who was lying.
Sometimes, I think these kids (or adults) like to see what they can get away with and if Daddy will side with them.
I'd have a very hard time
I'd have a very hard time with DH believing skid over me, and accusing me of lying to him. You're a saint to have hung in there for 20 years.
About a year and a half ago,
About a year and a half ago, after she realized (becasue I showed her proof of) that SS had been using her credit card (my credit record but an additional card I gave her) to purchase things without permission told me to shut up and stay out of the problem because I would make it worse when I pointed out what he had done was actually stealing.
I hope you immediately called
I hope you immediately called the credit card company, got a new credit card number, and removed her access to the account.
I agree, it's amazing why
I agree, it's amazing why they don't deal with the lies even when they're given actual evidence. It might be the easy option in the short term but it sure as hell isn't in the long term. Just creates more problems.
This was followed a few months later by SD phoning my mother's house on Christmas Day (she knew that's where we always spent Christmas). She spoke to everyone there until the phone was passed to me at which point she put the phone down. OH's answer to that one was initially he had no idea why she'd done it, followed by a grudging admittnce that 'she'd made a mistake.' Needless to say, the mistake was never dealt with.