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Sticking with Activities

Cover1W's picture

So SD11 is enrolled in her second drama class series (dreams of being famous). She started at the beginning of the school year and she advanced to the second level.
She loved the first level. From what I can gather it was mostly fun stuff, with a group of pretty good kids.
The level she is in now is, I think, more demanding (acting is WORK!) and with a set of kids she doesn't get along with very well.

She's skipped a couple classes and refused to go yesterday. She told us last week that a couple boys were "punching" her and another hugged her. Keep I mind this is Ms. Sensitive. A tiny scrape will result in screaming tears. From what I can gather the boys were messing around and giving pinches to arms. She had no bruising and wasn't in tears. The hug I found out was during one of the drama skits. They boy is likely gay (from her confused description of him I think he's latched onto her as a "safe" person). I asked if she had told the instructor, who is a really good one who she likes. She said no. I said talk with your dad.

So DP texted me yesterday, "no drama class today." I had thought it was cancelled and was surprised she opted out. DP said "I didn't want to get into it with you in a text back and forth." He was all testy about it. I said well, I just thought something different. He brought up the punching thing and said that he "couldn't make her go" and that he would talk with the instructor. I said that it's all his decision so he shouldn't worry about me.

See, a similar thing happened with her gymnastics. She got bored with it, said she didn't like the kids in her group and DP said she could quit mid-session. Because "why make her to if she doesn't like it?"

I personally would absolutely follow up with the instructor, sit in in a couple classes, and if all is well make damn sure she finishes the series. At least it's not my $ paid. And you can be sure I'll never pay.

Rags's picture

Set the value of her labor at $.25/hr and make her work her ass off to repay the fees for the shit that she drops out of.

If she has to scrub toilets, dishes, scoop dog poop, mow, weed, trim, and edge the yard and scrub windows, etc... she may learn not to start something and not finish it.

Cover1W's picture

OMG if I only could! I do have this scenario planned once we move into a different house. You break it you buy it.

Somuchdrama's picture

Does you DH ever think this might teach her it's okay to give up on things because they get hard? If she doesn't want to do it after the sessions are over that's one thing but if she gets to quit in the middle because it gets difficult she might use this in all aspects of life.

Cover1W's picture

Yes, which is why I don't pay and I don't drive her and I don't help pick what she does. If DP wants to do all this it's on him.

Cover1W's picture

Oh, I am not doing anything in this situation.
SD11 was referred to DP with her issue.
Told DP all is his decision, dropped topic like a hot potato.
I don't have any involvement in her classes.

You know, just venting.

I cannot escape it entirely, some of what happens does effect me indirectly no? I can watch and am practicing disengagement but it's difficult to entirely get away with 50/50 skids and a tiny freaking house.
I am new to the disengagement but it's getting better.
I don't really care at this point if SD11 quits another thing.
Except it was nice having the house to myself for an hour that night.

Cover1W's picture

See I am learning things! You remind me of a friend I went to school with down at U of A.
I guess it's finding where those lines are for you and sticking to them?

One of my Great Leaps Forward has been the tent.
DP allowed SDs to get it out last month. They couldn't figure out how to set it up and never put it away. It's still out on the side deck, rained on and I am guessing gathering mold. I'm not touching it. And if DP want a to go camping this summer with SDs then HE gets to buy TWO new tents. It is taking all my effort to not put it away. But I am not doing it.

Rags's picture

"Lower your expectations so you won't be disappointed." A former boss used that phrase often.

fedupstep's picture

SD16 used to pull this crap all the time. BM would let her quit something after ONE lesson. If she is not immediately good at something, she wants to quit and BM is fine with it. She begged DH and I for drum lessons last year. I have a friend that teaches it and offered free lessons as long as she commits to it and practices. More than a fair offer! The visit before she was to start, she became very non-committal about it. I immediately called my friend in front of her and cancelled it. I was not going to waste his very generous offer on someone who didn't deserve it.

When I was a kid, my parents made me commit to something for 6 months. If I begged to quit before that, I would have to work off what they paid into it. That only happened once. From there on out, anything I was interested in, I made sure I was totally sure I wanted to do it and it wasn't so fleeting fancy.