Stepson says me and his bio-mom are the reasons he wants to kill people
Ok, wow. Just got off the phone with ExH and he said what came out at the intake sessions with the doctors at the hospital is that he is angry with his mother for the obvious. She tried to smother him when he was 8.
He is angry with me because.....I did not value him enough nor did he feel like I loved him as much as I love my bio-kids. So now, steparents are to blame for possible acts of violence? Seriously? We now have to love them JUST AS MUCH as the bio-parents or we are to blame for all the issues in their lives.
The crazy part is that I did/do love him. His dad and I fought every day which I am sure colored how he felt about me and the home he was living in. Since we split up though, he has been in and out of my house constantly and has been included as a member of the family without exception. My Dh and I discussed whether we should invite him to our wedding since he was so involved in our lives.
So, if you think your situation is bad, it could be worse. Your skid could be a killer and blame you for it.
In my situation I hold
In my situation I hold nothing back. I can't stand BF's kid and I want nothing to do with him EVER. When BF has his kid I am M.I.A. BF knows how I feel and accepts it, and I really honestly don't and wouldn't care if skid knew I didn't like him either.
I prefer there be no confusion, "I don't like you. Period." If you want to or do kill people blame yourself and/or your parents for fucking you up. At least I was honest with you skid. }:)
Thanks AnaR, that is maybe
Thanks AnaR, that is maybe the kindest thing I have ever read. I feel like I failed him in many ways.
One of the docs said that he may be worried about the fact that he does have his mom's genes running through him and is worried about ending up like her.
I keep vacillating between anger and concern. I dont want to be involved/drug into this. On the other hand I am concerned and the reality is that he is a part of our lives unless I decide to cut him and his dad off. This is easier said than done - my DD9 sees the ExH as her Daddy and loves him dearly.
Thank god my DH is a wonderful man - how many other men would tolerate and be concerned about this bullshit from my past. He likes the kid too and is concerned about him.
What god damn mess.
Hey Round2, I just wanted to
Hey Round2, I just wanted to send my condolences to you because this has got to be more difficult than most of us can imagine.
I also wanted to say to remember that he is mentally ill at this point, and from the sudden onset of it, I feel like something must have triggered it. It's so important to remember that people who are mentally unstable to this point are not right in the head--there's a fog there, and behind it, if it can be cleared, they will be able to see it and come around. He doesn't really blame you, I feel he's not sure what to blame so he's grasping at what resembles closest to what he feels.
I never take a mentally ill person's words and attacks to heart. I treat what they say and what they do as symptoms of a disease that needs as much pity as say, cancer, and once a "cure" has been found, they'll naturally come around. It's good he opened up about it--sounds more like a cry for help. It hurts that he targeted you, but had he not loved you and wanted your love so badly in return, he would not have honed in on you.
He most likely received more love than he thinks he did, (most people who are depressed usually have a different idea of how much love they think receive versus the reality, it is a facet of his problem) but his illness is currently clouding his vision, so try not to take it personally.
his mother tried to kill him.
his mother tried to kill him. you could have been the best stepmother in the world and it wouldn't have mattered. he's got major mommy issues, from his mother wanting to. kill. him. He also may have inherited some of her crazy. He felt deeply rejected and hated by her at a young age. Probably she was pretty bad to him before trying to kill him, loving mothers generally don't do that out of the blue-- can you tell us that story? I mean how did you guys find out about it? (just curious!)