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Steps with older teens/adult step kids what am I in for???

Curlsmary's picture

Step kids who are spoiled rotten entitled Immature extremely rude Monsters what can I expect when they are late teens early adults???? 

Now I will say I was a brat when I was a kid. My Cousin use to run screaming after her mom’s car when she left her with our Grandmother. She was 7 years old. Both of us “grew out” of it so I know it can happen. I came from a Intact family and my cousin was from a divorced family. 

My question is what age do braty kids Typically grow out of it if they’re going to? If they don’t grow out of it what kind of Behavior can I expect? How will it manifest in late teens or even early adult?? 

Want2's picture

None of us has a crystal ball. Wouldn’t it make sense for you to prepare for the worst? Are you pretty mentally solid? Do you understand that no one else is responsible for making you happy? What about boundaries, are yours well in place? Do you have friends, hobbies, independence?

If your happiness depends at all on what others do or don’t do then you’re probably not going to do well in a problematic family situation. If you need others to behave in a certain way or you go berserk, well get ready to go berserk.

In other words what you expect doesn’t matter. It’s your tolerance, ability to adapt and not having a giant but weak and easily triggered ego that matters. You should be taking stock of your own resources and pressure points, not wondering about how bad they will or won’t be.

lorlors's picture

I am one of those naive SMs who never expected the skids to end up living with me full time. SD17 is now here all the time and I have her bullsh1t and my own baby to contend with. She is a passive aggressive arse just like her mother. It’s slowly suffocating my marriage and ruining what should be a very happy and special time with my longed for, much wanted baby son who I crawled over hot, burning coals with IVF and 2 miscarriages to have.

stepmominhiding's picture

Depends if dh allows sd to act this way or does he correct her behavior?  

Click on my name and read my last 3 posts... my sd is a teen and aweful

still learning's picture

You're going to either be shunned, be the fresh meat, or a combination of both. Teens generally pull away from their family of origin to form their own identity so they are not keen on having another parental figure come into their lives.  Let DH do the parenting, be supportive of him but generally stay out of it.  

With adults, don't get into the old twisted family drama and try to fix DH's relationship with them.  They likely have beef with their father and he will probably cave and act out of guilt. DO NOT ENGAGE! Even if he tries to recruit you just stay out of it.  It's his battle and one that you will never ever have any impact on.  You'll just become an interloping target.  

Be a cool aunt figure if you can.  Remember you married the man but he is 100% responsible for his children and HIS relationship with them.  Do what is reasonable for you, set your boundaries and enforce them fiercely.  Keep at least a portion of your finances completely separate.  

Best of luck! 

lorlors's picture

My advice is to not even bother with the ‘cool Aunt’ persona. Tried that. It’s just not worth it.

tog redux's picture

Worked for me - my SS has always liked me and still does, at 19, despite a batshit crazy mother and 3 years of alienation.

The key is that my DH is a strong parent and didn't allow him to misbehave or expect me to parent in any way. 

OP, if your DH is a weak parent, you are likely in for a rough ride.

Rags's picture

There are nearly countless variables that influence outcomes.  The one thing that has the most influence on outcome is how you and your partner parent when the Skids are in your home. Set and enforce behavioral and performance standads in your home and apply excalatingly unpleasant consequences for failure to comply, provide pleasant outcomes for compliance, and the outcomes will be far better than if the spawn are allowed to be ferel.

Good luck.