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Stepkids acting rude and cruel

newwtostepguy's picture

I brought up to my gf that her SS (7) is mean and cruel towards me and other people and he does not listen. This is not a surpise to her because he is that way with her too regularly.  He makes rude, mean comments regularly, throws tantrums and does not listen to do what he is told daily. All she will say is "He's like that to everyone when he's not at school" and this is true. He is the same way with her, his father, his sister, his cousins, grandma, aunts and uncles, other adults, etc. I will admit my girlfriend's parenting is a little lax a lot of the time and her kids get away with a lot of stuff and kind of rule the house sometimes but I'm not in the poistion to be an authority figure especially if mom and dad aren't doing their part first. I feel bad for the kid sometimes because I believe he might have some type of mood disorder type of problem going on that's likely genetic (his father is a real piece of work and is very moody/weird type of guy). But I was just wondering if the behavior shoud be accepted because of his age or he should be evaluated by a psychologist or I should stay out of it? I have been picking him up at school on my only day off from work and he is regularly in a bad mood when I get him and not nice to me. I've been overly nice ot this kid trying to win him over. I will spend time with him doing fun things he likes, take him to lunch, etc only for him to be rude and mean to me in return mostly. It's gotten to where I don't really want to be around him and be spending my one day off work with him. My gf says I should relax and not worry about it because he's like that with everyone but it's gotten to the point where I just don't want to be around him much because it's not enjoyable and I'd rather be doing other things. Any advice?

tog redux's picture

I have worked with kids for close to 30 years, and when a kid has no trouble in school, but lots of behavior issues at home, all signs point to bad parenting.  He behaves that way because he's allowed to at home, whereas at school, he knows there will be consequences.

Yes, he should see a therapist, but not one who will see him alone, one who will work with your GF on how to be a better parent.

markwvualum's picture

Bad parenting is most likely to blame. The reason I say this is because the teacher tends to have a good handle of this kid's bad behavior because the teacher knows what she/he is doing unlike the mother. Single/divorced mothers tend to treat their children like delicate porcelain. They do this out of guilt. Children of divorcees tend to be spoiled and are often combative just like the bio parents themselves. But if you ever ask her why her child is out of control she will turn on you, get angry and blame everyone besides herself and bio dad. Don't fall for it. There's likely nothing wrong with this kid besides the fact that he has gotten away with his behavior for far too long to begin with. If I were you I would get out of this situation quick. It does not get any better, only worse and when the kids get older they have even more problems. Don't get stuck in the step parent trap like I did.

Rags's picture

Nothing a swat to the ass followed by a twisted ear march to a corner to stand for hours holding up the intersecting walls with his nose wont fix.

Zero tolerance of crappy behavioral choices followed by escalating age appropriate consequences that deliver a state of abject misery works wonders in correcting crappy kid behaviors.

Apply the misery. Watch the behaviors improve.

Thumper's picture

Dear Rags,

Thank you for that deep in my soul laugh.

sammigirl's picture


Maybe OP should do as you suggest to Mom and SS.  Lol......