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Step Kids

ladybug1974's picture

I fell like puking knowing there coming this weeknd, why is it that any inportant or fun weekend it has to fall on there weekend, Birthdays , Valentines weekend , our 3 anniversary, my mums birthday , i mean everything and anything falls on there freaking weekend. i freaking cant stand it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


AgedOut's picture

I learned early on that it isn't the date, it's the reason for the date. Move the date to a non-them time. 

Rags's picture

The one major advantage that the NCP has is that they can decline visitation at any time without immediate consequence. The CP has to parent and care for the kids in that event.

The converse is that the NCP does not have to take the kid at the demand of the CP.

Set the expectation that certain visitation periods will not be taken due to the nature of those times.  Anniversaries, family birthdays, vacations, etc, etc, etc....

NO is a complete conversation.

Good luck.

strugglingSM's picture

I've asked this before, but where is some legal documentation that the NCP can decline visitation. That might be the theory behind it, but my DH's CO says that "the children will reside with their mother except for EOWE when they will reside with their father" or something along those lines. Anytime DH has tried to decline time, BM tells him she is going to take him to court for violating the order. He always has to trade her for something she wants or find someone else to take them on his weekends. I would love it if he could just point to something and say that he didn't have to take any weekends he didn't want to. 

Rags's picture

She is the CP.  If your DH chooses to forego a visitation, she is responsible for the Skids.   DH needs to grow a new set of  balls and quit letting his X dictate his life.

Anyone can litigate just about anything for just about any reason.  There is no requirement that an NCP justify why they refuse visitation.

In my layman's opinion of course.

Missingme's picture

Good points! It's your husband that needs to say " not tonight" but he probably has the guilty dad syndrome so he won't.

ladybug1974's picture

the paper work he filled out with her says every other weekend from friday at 500 to sunday at 1200 noon, no extra holidays and stuff. this is a remider that he doesnt pay child support as she doesnt need it as there income is way more then his 500,000 or more not sure . my parner works in wharehouse and she says she doesnt want it nor need but does dangle that crap over his head if she doesnt get her way. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

So you only see them 6 days a month and only 4 sleepover nights a month? Please count our blessings!!!! I have had to have SD17 10 days a month with 8 of them where she sleeps over (so really she is under our roof for a total of 14 days! She is here EOW from Friday afternoon till she leaves Monday and every Wednesday with 2 of the Wednesdays as sleepovers! I have had so many holidays ruined becuase she was here. And yes you can technically celebrate whenever but its not the same. I have had the past 2 anniversieries with her here and she'll be with us for this years too. Luckily she turns 18 in September. So after this anniversery I am done having to see her on NYE, Valentines day, our anniversary or my bday. Its been a LONG 7 years for me!

ladybug1974's picture

sorry i meant to reply but there was a glitch and it responed to someone else by accident to Raggs instead but the message is there . 

shamds's picture

Skids certainly tried their best ordering and demanding hubby take them during our wedding anniversary weekend and i was expected to stay home and care for our 2 toddlers.

Hubby would tell adult ss i have plans with your stepmum so you need to make your own arrangements to get back to uni and there would be no me taking you on holidays.

sd's outings with hubby, were not a priority over our me time especially since we never get time with hubby during the week due to hos work hours

ESMOD's picture

Timing like that sucks.. but,  Even just marrying or dating into a family starts the process of allocating time between the two families for the holidays...or more families if either parent's are split!  So, in my experience... way before I met my DH, I was used to moving the "day" around because ususally if I dated people.. they had more extended family stuff.. and in my family it was just my parents and my brother.. so pretty easy for us to find an alternate day to do thanksgiving. etc.

And with my DH, he is a captain so many of his jobs have been away.. hitches offshore, seasons away from home, doing excursions on weekends etc.. so, it is actually a rarity that he is around and available on special dates.  So, we pick other times to celebrate.

I know it's frustrating because it's "them" that are the reason.. but in the end, it's really the spirit and feelings that count vs a particular point on the calendar.  And.. like Vday.. it's actually so much easier and cheaper to plan to celebrate on another date due to the crush of people trying to do that one DAY.



Ashleytenorio17's picture

Yes I agree. Usually we have SD on any holiday! We have SD for v day weekend but DH and I rarely do anything since places are packed but I hear you . Sometimes we just learned to celebrate the weekend before 

Crr18's picture

If we have something special to celebrate we just always plan around when we don't have the kids. Of course it seems like there is only one day a week that there is not something going on with the kids (only because the SO has an issue that I can't figure out about having to run them everywhere). And then I always try to plan something, anything on that day so that he can't decide to run the kids. We do go on vacations without the skids but that is always so hard to schedule around their activities. I am still trying to get use to all of it. 

cmd88's picture

Yep! Every holiday, every single weekend my DBF has off, we have SD. We still trying to have one date night, even when we have her, just to get out of the house for a couple of hours. We have her Valentines weekend, but not on the actually day, which we both work but plan on either making a nice dinner at home, or going to even just Applebees for dinner and a drink, which I am perfectly happy with. Just have to take the good in with the bad sometimes. I always try and plan something on the days we don't have SD but it's hard now that DBF's schedule has changed. So if we want to do something without the kids on his days off, we usually have to discuss it with BM first to see if she can just keep her for that weekend, or we see if my mom can take both kids for the weekend, but it is very very rare. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Hell yes. To this day I have to remind myself ex SD wont be around to ruin this or that holiday, birthdays etc. The worst was Valentines day. Ex SD had to be with my ex,  "big daddio". What woman in her 20's wants to be with their dad on Valentines?? So yea the shitty ex bought me roses AND ex SD roses. Creepy or what? We had the same status. Oh wait, more like she had elevated status.

Hun like others said move all and any celebrations to a time where there are no skids. Do not let your life take a constant back burner to skids who live to ruin celebrations.

I used to BEG my ex DH to have Valentines just him and me...NOPE. He said what kind of daddio would ditch his DD on valentines?? PUKE. Welp I think only a creepy daddio  would think this way.


CLove's picture

I recall one particular Valentines where we had sd15.5 B/M. And I thought it was a good idea to include her in our plans, "family like".

Bad idea it turned out. I wanted to go to a Korean BBQ place. She did not and pouted. She didnt like the kimChi, so pouted.

Now she really loves Short ribs asian-style and had a nickname kimchi for a while. lol. But Ill never forget that whole evening she had to be right there in there and center of attention.

Someoneelse's picture

I hate when stepkids act like that.  SD does that exact same thing, if she's here during one of DDs birthdays, she turns it into all about SD moment. If it's Christmas, it's all about her. Valentines day? You mean SD's day... like really... she's literally almost an adult, why is she acting life that?

cmd88's picture

My SD is the same way. Especially on Christmas. New years day is my birthday and got mad at me and DH for not being there when the ball dropped. We were outside enjoying a fire. Last Easter, she had a hard time finding the eggs we hid, so she asked DD13 to help, so she pointed at where they were and then got made at DD13 for finding her eggs, saying it wasnt fair. Then it was time for them to go through their baskets, and she just sat there with a scowl on her face and her arms crossed and just made it very awkward for everyone. 

Someoneelse's picture

CLove is right... SD is a monster in the making... she sounfs EXACTLY like SD (mine is going to be 17 in less than a month, and she's perfecting her sociopathic lifestyle)

cmd88's picture

I've been thinking that for the past few months. Let see what kind of crap she is going to try and get away with tonight/tomorrow. Will update sometime next week...if I am still alive... lol

Missingme's picture

Make it known that V day and other specials days are the week before for you. That'll totally take the wind out of their sails, and BM's, too!

Boho356's picture

We have SC three days a week, he's a spoiled brat and I try and include him in my family plans he causes a scene and embarasses me. I've told my partner now if I have plans he's got to make alternative plans with his child as I just cannot stand it!