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Step child not likeing me.

scopl2013's picture


I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years now, he has an 8 year old son as well. I have been in the sons life ever since he was 2 and his son thinks I have been there since the day he was born, so we are actually very close. I have seen him grow up most of his life basically. My boyfriend lives with his parents still, they have a 2 story home with a furnished basement that even has its own entrance. The downstairs has a kitchen, bathroom, living room, and 2 bed rooms. Basically it's almost as if he doesn't live with his parents. I never spent the night until his son was 3, and I only spent the night while his son was visiting his mother. We eventually went through a nasty court battle with the boys mother and we won because she has major drinking issues and has moved in with several guys and is unstable. This was hard on me since it was only about a year into our 5 year relationship. I supported my boyfriend and his family during all of this. The only reason we don't live together today and we are both with our parents is because we are going to school and earning our degrees at the moment and with a child in the picture moving out and trying to support everyone just seemed impossible at the time. Right now we are able to plan and focus on our future with support from our families. I won't lie it has been hard since its pushing 6 years and we aren't even engaged or living together, but we have a plan are we are in a stable relationship.

His son and I took it slow, I got to know him at a very slow pace to ensure he felt secure that his father wasn't going to leave him or anything like that. I would spend time with the both of them together out of the home setting such as meeting at a park or taking him to a movie. It wasn't until almost 2 1/2 years into our relationship that I started spending the night while the child was here with us. At this time the court issue was settled and the child was with us permanently now, only visiting his mother every other weekend, before that me and my boyfriend had more time together to get to know each other and grow our relationship. At first my boyfriend use to let his son sleep in his bed and I would just go home at the end of the night and sleep at my house. Finally I mentioned something about his son being 4 years old and needing to be his own bed every night, despite situations such as night mares or wetting the bed, of course he was welcomed but I was uncomfortable and would go to the couch. He agreed but he never did anything about it. I eventually became upset overtime because we 3 couldn't even fit into a bed together ( my boyfriend and I are not small people lol ) At this time we also had a queen bed so it was very difficult. Eventually my boyfriends parents who are devoted Christians had a sit down conversation with us about sleeping in the same bed before marriage. They asked that I do not sleep with my boyfriend anymore because it will cause confusion in the child's life. Obviously this was difficult, my boyfriend and I are an intimate couple and we do enjoy sleeping together in the same bed, which I personally didn't think was a big deal. But I had to respect his parents rules because it is there house after all. So, for about 5 months straight I just went home instead of staying the night, sometimes I would stay and I always slept on the couch. I eventually got sick of it and I felt as if it was ridiculous that we, as adults, had to do this. I know it's under there roof but they always told my boyfriend that the downstairs was his and he could do as he pleases so he felt more independent rather than a leach living off his parents.

scopl2013's picture

sorry, I actually have no finished this post, I clicked save so I could come back and finish it, and it posted instead, so I apologize for the abrupt ending and having no point, I will re post it when it is finished, thank you,

Disneyfan's picture

There's nothing stopping him from moving into his own place. Plenty of single parents work and go to school while paying market rate rent.

I don't blame his parents. If my son had a child, wouldn't think twice about him and my grandchild live in my home. However,he would not be allowed to treat my home as a hotel.