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Dogmom1321's picture

BM and her BF broke up in January. He left her and moved back to his home state, 10 hours away.

After this happened (January). ExBF contacted DH letting him know everything that happened. They were always civil with each other throughout the relationship so it wasn't a huge surprise. He also called to check on SD. He had been in her life 5+ years.

Fast forward a few months later. DH hadn't heard from him since. ExBF called saying he had to get a new number because of BM. ExBF went into details of all these terrible things that happened since.

ExBF told DH that she was stealing from the hospital (she is a nurse). He has text messages from her calling him an "addict." DH and I are thinking it could have been a mask that she was "stealing," however exBF made it seem like drugs.

DH doesn't want to get involved and thinks exBF may be stirring the pot.

IMO I thought they were pretty serious allegations. But probably not ours to make.

Thoughts on what you would do in that situation??

lieutenant_dad's picture

Screen capture and prints the texts. Ask XBF to only contact if he has some concern about SD's safety (e.g. BM sends him messages or photos where she is physically harming SD). Tell him that if he has concerns about BM harming herself that he should contact law enforcement to check on her.

Then ignore him, but save any texts he sends. He said/she said won't get you anywhere, but if BM is being stupid enough to send him confessions/proof of her doing illegal things, then you will want to keep that documentation. It may also be worthwhile to run the situation past an attorney to see what they say.

Basically, don't burn the bridge if you have a GOOD reason to believe BM is offering up proof that she is unfit and your DH needs to intervene on SD's behalf, but don't acknowledge or encourage information that has nothing to do with SD and is just stirring the pot.

Aniki's picture

You are correct: NOT your allegations to make. That's for exBF to do.

If they're going to continue to be friends/friendly, they need to do it withOUT discussing BM and her actions. 

I'd cut bait and end the relationship. It's...weird.

tog redux's picture

Yeah, I'd stay far out of that one. You can't make allegations based on third-hand information.  DH needs to tell ExBF to leave him out of it unless he has some concerns about the kids.


Rags's picture

A close friend and former coworker of mine had a similar situation with his XW's BF.  The BF called him and spouted on all kinds of toxic, illegal and otherwise child PASing crap that my friend's XW had done while dating her XBF.  My friend asked the XBF to five a deoposition to his attorney which the guy did.

The fun part.... the XW and BF reconciled and eventually married.  The XBF/2nd DH would periodically call my friend and beg him to have his attorney destroy the deposition he gave to my friend's lawyer.